Biblically in favor of No Contact (warning: tough love stance here)

[reallyME]

Sure, we've said it over and over again on this board to those of you who still insist that you have to stay in extreme abuse situations...we have URGED you to have NO CONTACT with people who are crazymakers and manipulators and controllers, but I'm a person who seeks my answers from the Bible, so I want to share with you that even GOD doesn't expect you to stay in the abuse nor have contact with the abuser. 

Following are some verses from the book of Proverbs and some other scriptures, that will hopefully make this clearer to whomever is in these situations, especially because of choosing to remain there (providing you have a way out)

Proverbs 28 v 12 AND 28 (wonder WHY it's repeated 2 x):  "When the wicked arise, men HIDE THEMSELVES."

For those who keep going back to the N : Proverbs 26 v 11 "As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly" (keep going back, expecting DIFFERENT RESULTS?  I don't think so.  NOT wisdom, unless N is starting to admit to fault and going through therapy)

Prov 24 v 22:  "Do not associate with those given to change." (borderline tendencies, unstable people, hippocrisy)

Proverbs 22 v 3: "A prudent man forsees evil and hides himself."

Proverbs 22 v 5: "Thorns and snares are in the way of the persverse.  He who GUARDS HIS SOUL will be FAR FROM THEM."

For those who think it's better to stay in the familiar than leave the abuse: Proverbs 22 v 13  "The lazy man says, 'there is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets."

Proverbs 20 v 19:  "DO NOT ASSOCIATE with one who flatters with his lips'' (all those lovely gifts from N, compliments)

Proverbs 17 v 19: "He who loves transgression loves strife."  (so WHY are you defending your right to stay with N?)

Proverbs 16 v 6: "By the fear of the Lord (trust, honor of God), one DEPARTS FROM EVIL."

Proverbs 16 v 17:  "The highway of the upright is to DEPART FROM EVIL."

Proverbs 14 v 7: GO FROM THE PRESENCE of a foolish man, When you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge."

Proverbs 14 v 16: A wise man FEARS AND DEPARTS FROM EVIL."

Proverbs 4 v 27 "REMOVE YOUR FOOT FROM EVIL."

Proverbs 4 v 14: "DO NOT ENTER the path of the wicked, And DO NOT WALK in the way of evil.  AVOID IT, DO NOT TRAVEL on it.  TURN AWAY FROM IT AND PASS ON."  (how much CLEARER do we need it to be?)

Proverbs 3 v 7: "Do not be wise in your own eyes; FEAR (honor) THE LORD AND DEPART FROM EVIL."

Ecclesiastes 10 v 11: "A serpent may bite when it is not charmed; The babbler is no different."

AND THERE ARE MANY MORE WHERE THESE COME FROM...Even looking up the word "FLEE" in the Bible, will tell you what you need to do.  Remember, if you are in a situation where you can NOT get out, you need to find a way to mentally/emotionally DETATCH your emotions from the circumstances and the words being blasted at you by N.  If you CAN get out, please DO.  If you are married, STOP VISITING THE ABUSERS OF YOUR LIFE unless you absolutely NEED to.  Other than Biblically wise, it just plain makes SENSE to remove yourself from the thing that is causing you grief. Right?

~Laura

[reallyME]

I ask this with hesitancy...I'm wondering if anyone even READ this post I put here, because I really expected more of a reaction or response which it got...NONE.  I guess, whether I read the Bible or not, I think I'd have really been given something to think about at least...something that made me go "ohhhhhhhhhhh.  The BIBLE says all that?" 

Mind you, I'm not upset because I couldnt' control your reactions.  I realize you all, as do I, post to the threads that interest us.  I am just wondering why at least 2 of my threads have gotten no comment.  Wondering if they were even seen, thought about, or whatever.  Feeling somewhat brushed off here.

~Laura

[Ami]

Dear Laura,
  Sometimes my posts get no comment.also. I really like this thread . Thank you for posting it.  Love  Ami

(((((((((((((((((((((((Laura)))))))))))))))))))))

[reallyME]

Hey Ami

I always sensed a comraderie feeling with you, and I now know why.  You are a rescuer like me.  I had a feeling that when you read my post on this, you'd be the FIRST to respond and I was right.  Ever the rescuer, just like I am.  So glad to have met one of my kind.

Blessya, girl

~Laura

[Ami]

I don't know if a rescuer  is good-lol but I very much appreciate you, Laura.I remember how badly I felt when  you were thinking of leaving.It would not be the same without you.            Love  Ami(fire chief)

[Hopalong]

I read it RM hon...
didn't know what to say because for me the Bible isn't revealed truth.

But it was powerful, and beautiful, and your effort moves me.

You always try to help and I can always feel your passion for it.

love you,
Hops
[on edit: Actually, many things in the Bible ARE revealed truth for me. What I meant is that it is not my penultimate source. For me "revelation is unsealed".]

[Leah]

Hello ReallyMe,

Proverbs contains so much wisdom in each and every verse.

There is something in the book of Proverbs to help in every aspect of life.

You mentioned on an earlier thread that you would like to publish a book and asked if anyone could signpost.

Well, I have been looking for you and I have found on http://www.christianwomenonline.net/Allison_Bottke.htm#AllisonOctober

an advertisement entitled 'Empowering Writers to Self Publish'  and the link directs to www.artbookbindery.com

Interesting and informative site with 'How to Publish a Book' and 'Marketing your Book' using their book publishing or not.

Have only taken a brief glimpse --- but it may be a start in the right direction?!

All the best with your endeavours.

Love, Leah

[reallyME]

WOW LEAH! THANKS!

Hops, what does that mean, "revelation is unsealed?"

[Ami]

Dear Laura,
  For me, every word and every promise of God is so precious.It is what makes my life have any meaning.
  I want to share s/thing that I just heard on a CD from Andrew Wommack. He was talking about Norman Cousins,who was an M.D.
  Cousins treated patients for various diseases with allopathic medicine(regular medicine). However, when Cousins got a bad disease, he decided not to go that route. He took  the Scripture, 'A  Merry Heart doeth good like a medicine. He went to a hotel for 2 months with funny tapes to watch(3 stooges etc). After this time, he was cured and lived 30(or 40 ) years more.
 So, even that small proverb could be taken like a "medicine" and heal you.I think that this story is a beautiful and powerful story. Every word in the Bible is precious to me                  Love    Ami

[Leah]

Every word in the Bible is precious to me                  Love    Ami


The quote at the foot of my daily inspiration booklet reads;

~  The Bible is God's Prescription for the Health of our Soul  ~



Love to all,

Leah

[Hopalong]

Hi RM,
For a UU, it means that revelation is always unfolding, changing. That's why UUs use multiple scriptures from multiple faiths, and other writings that aren't scripture at all.

hugs
Hops

[reallyME]

well, in some ways, you and I are not very different Hops.  Although I can't full espouse to your belief system, I will tell you that there are some quotes from non-Christian sources that I enjoy as well.  Kahlil Gilbran has some beautiful poetic messages and well as inpirational info by Wayne Dyer.

I am considered to be an "ecclectic" Christian by many people who know me. 

I do believe that the Bible is the Absolute, however, which is why I chose it to share from in my other thread and here.

Blessya

[IsabellaRose]

Laura,

The verses you post make a lot of sense, however, I am torn between those proverbs verses and then there is the 5th commandment (honor thy father and mother) and Ephesians (children obey your parents for this is right).

My Nmum loves to quote the 5th commandment.  If i do not do her way, then i am disobeying God.  In her mind, God put her on this earth to channel His wishes (like the Pope) and it is my DUTY to obey her at all costs and at any price.  B/c she is "god's instrument" she has no accountability (except for God who she is certain she is 100% in good standing with). 

Also, she does not ever have to apologize to me for anything - EVER - (does god apologize?)  Everything she ever does, she finds a bible verse to justify what she is doing.  She has even used the proverbs verses you quoted to justify giving me the silent treatment and shunning her grandchildren (the sins of the mother - aka. me, pass onto my children.... if i am evil then they are also evil). 

The bottom line is i still feel guilt and wonder if God is happy with my going no contact with my mother.  I KNOW the stuff she does to me is evil and she is stubborn and full of pride (things God hates), but at the same time, she is my mother and children are commanded to HONOR their parents.  

How can i honor her, when i have cut her from my life?  (Actually, she cut me off but i have NOT gone crawling back anymore since my operation)

[JanetLG]

IsabellaRose,

Please take a look at this amazing website, which gives very clear responses to the questions you are asking yourself:

http://www.luke173ministries.org/templates/System/default.asp?id=39548

Janet

[Gabben]

Every word in the Bible is precious to me                  Love    Ami


The quote at the foot of my daily inspiration booklet reads;

~  The Bible is God's Prescription for the Health of our Soul  ~


Love to all,

Leah

Agreed -- the bible is precious to me! I savor every word!!

Hi Laura,

I read your post and found it interesting. I think that a lack of response from others to our posts at times can push N buttons in us. I know for me that I tend to use negatives to fill in the blanks. I've learned to listen to my intuition.

Lise