It's interesting to hear different scenarios about the "golden child" in families. I always thought it had something to do with birth order but I see here that the child selected to be the "golden child" could be chosen for a variety of reasons. But there also seem to be some key similarities, one of which is that the chosen child can essentially get away with murder (both figuratively and literally, in Scott Peterson's case). They also seem to share a very strong sense of entitlement, just like their Nparent.
For me, the child who is oh most definitely NOT the chosen child, it is important to understand the reason WHY one child is selected as the golden child over another. In my family's case, the chosen child is my older sister. SHe is the firstborn and had my Nmom's complete and undividied attention for more than five years before another child came along (me). Added to this, we lived with my Nmom's parents at the time and I believe my maternal grandmother was also N, who subsequently showed the firstborn child with love and attention. No wonder my Nsister wanted nothing to do with me when I came along. So she came to possess a ridiculous sense of entitlement as well as undivided attention from both my parents. This devotion to her never wavers iin spite of the despicable things she did. It's a vicious circle. My Nsister ultimately excelled due to my Nmother's direct assistance in her life as well as attention and "love", albeit narcissistic love. In turn, my Nmom closely identifed with her. Easy to identify with the person who reaps the rewards of all the attention they are given while the other children are left alone, struggling with everything by themselves and amid enormous emotional abuse and neglect.
Do I have any empathy for the golden child? Sorry to say I don't. I just can't excuse all the deliberate, painful, damaging things she does to people, not to mention the way they destroy their own families and siblings. Do I believe they were ultimately affected by the Nparent. Yes, they were, perhaps due to no fault of their own. But like the Nparent, I believe they are capable of understanding the difference between right and wrong. They just don't care whether other people are hurt or not. THey are too selfish and self-centered.
In my family, I not only suffered the typical abuse of a Nparent and co-dependent parent, but also an Nsister as well. Put together, it's a lethal combination. It is scary to watch just how closely my Nmom and Nsister identify with each other. They are clearly totally dependent on each other. For all my Nsister's evil, evil ways, she would never cross my Nmom, never criticize her, never question her position as Queen of the Throne. She would privately because she is the grand manipulator. But they feed off each other. In so doing, they deliberately eliminate the rest of their family from their lives (with the exception of the co-dependent husband/father). My only very small consolation is that I know somewhere, deep, deep, deep down, my Nsister is not happy. In my family's case, while she has both my parent's complete and total dedication and attention, she also has completely and forever lost the possibility of any relationship with her siblings and niece. It is the consequences of her actions, actions which of course she would never take responsibility for. But her sphere of those who she can be the center of attention for has diminished.
One last thought. I once went to a reader who commented on my family's narcissistic dynamics. She noted, among other things, that it is when my parents (particularly my Nmom) eventually passes that my Nsister will have the most trouble. She will not be able to cope since she is completely dependent on her for her own narcissistic supply. While she controls everything now, when it is time to care for a weakened Nmom or deal with her passing, she will not be able to cope. She'll leave it to others to handle. How very narcisstic of her..but I think ultimately it will be true someday.
Ultimately, narcissists just have to be right. THey have to control. ANd Nparents choose a golden child to control. In the end, they end up being equally controlled by the Nchild they created, in my opinion at least.
