My NH has started a MYSpace page to smear me and get to kids emotionally

[DivineSunshine]

Holy smokes!

I can't believe I lived with this twit!  I knew he was messed up and narcisstic, but I am still being surprised!  He has started a MYSpace page which I do not have the stomach to visit---YET----but I have been informed it is just pathetic!  Even has a photo of himself whistfully wishing  for HIS children to return to him!  Or some silly thing. 

Rumor has it---he is trying to get to the kids this way thinking he can mess with their emotions by his comments and hurt me by calling me a liar and that I stole his children from him "like a thief in the night."  I have not read it as it is new tonight and he has been rattling my cage with his emails for three weeks and that has been all of him I could stand.  I have not answered back and not allowed him to see the children because of the Protective Order.  And his mind games and threats and crap he has tried to pull.

I continue to not block emails just because I know he won't shut up and will do and say stupid things--which he has.  I just don't answer.  he is beside himself and was quiet today and then I find out why.  He has been working on his little webpage. 

He is once again embracing a "religion" he had stopped believing in and is now blaming  his leaving it on me----the witchy woman, no doubt.  And now thinks I will corrupt his children for belonging to another religion or no religion at all right now.    I have fought for years to keep the children out of this "religion" so they could not be controlled by it.  I ended up with this guy in the first place because of the teachings of this same "religion".  ---I know this is a touchy topic, so that is all I will say, but for those who are curious, I feel I must let you know I am referring to mormonism----

So, I will ask my attorney tomorrow about what I should do when I go over the details of filing for divorce, but I swear----what a pathetic narcissistic idiot!

Course he is probably too chicken livered to allow comments so everyone who knows better can defend me and the kids!  Which seems to be most everyone who cares except his family.  Even "his" friends are helping me right now and he is blasting them for it.  I will have to check about that (comments) when I decide to read the ridiculous thing.  Right now, I am just focusing on NOT letting him rattle me too much so I can be the best mom and advocate for my kids that I can.  I don't feel I can do it very well if I am ticked off more by his crap.  Going NC was the best thing I ever did so far.  Besides leaving.  Thanks to you all I have stayed NC for 10 days tomorrow! 

Yay!  Thanks for listening

Sunny

[lighter]

Hey Sun:

If I was you, I'd have a friend or family member copy the MYspace page and not subject yourself to it right now. 

It's evidence. 

That's all.

And he's going to keep doing crazy/crazier things, so best get used to it...... the shock doesn't help you stay focused..... eye on the correct ball, ya know?

Let him put on the 'special undies' and wear Mormonism as a shield...... you have every right to practice or not practice, as you see fit.  Just as he had the right to stop practicing years ago.


Keep copying those e mails he's sending and have your files in order when you speak with your attorney. 

Your next hearing should be one that includes evidence.

Keep talking to the children and getting their input.  Keep explaining that daddy does love them but he can't do any better than he is right now...... maybe he'll get some counseling and be able to do better soon. 

I think the guy is dangerous and nutsey..... so do you.  Do they?  Seems like they do.

Tell them you have things under control and will handle them.  Keep their schedule and lives as routine as possible and be the sane rock in their lives. 

You're doing so well (((Sun))) You really are.

[Ami]

Dear Sun,
 You have shown so much courage.I am in awe of it. NC for 10 days is wonderful. I am so inspired by your story. May God's peace and love keep you safe.                    Love    Ami


((((((((((((((((((Sun))))))))))))))))

[betr4]

It is a painful situation. I am watching my children and grandchildren being used as possessions.
Getting stronger,gaining perspective, take care of you. 
BR

[Hopalong]

Hi Sunny,
How fitting that a grown Nman would choose a MySpace page to try to get more attention and...SUPPLY!

ILLA. That's my new acronym for I Love Lighter's Advice.

To add my 2 cents, I think it's brilliant that you coolly and calmly keep printing out each email, creating a tidy folder of evidence to hand your lawyer. Just in case he changes it or in case the MySpace thing also reveals his manipulativeness etc., it would be good to assign someone to capture it for you at regular intervals. Do you know someone who would?

Somehow I feel that the LONGER you stay disengaged and DON'T let him impress you, no matter what he does...the better off you and your children will be for the rest of your lives.

So no particular move or effort or maneuver or display on his part should make ONE bit of difference to you. Nothing. Does not register. Sunny is Not At Home. Etc.

It's the rest of your lives, and you've made a brilliant head start on it, for all of you. NOTHING your Exworm does is more important.

hugs
Hops

[DivineSunshine]

Hello again,

It just occurred to me that I did not mention that my children have not yet caught wind of the MySpace page.  Contrary to what he has been doing by forbidding his kids to use MYSpacein the past --- but they ignored him-----I have NOT shut down their free access to things and if they really really wanted to contact him, they would have easily by now because I allow them free roam, so to speak, on the internet.  They know his email.  I am not watching their every move.  Like I know he would. 

They had their phones he provided even, but one locked herself out by messing with her "sim" (sp?) card password, the other just won't charge hers cause she is sick of him trying to call her and the third just didn't answer anything he tried.  Of course I told them not to and a logical reason why.  But, I  don't have cash or credit due to his antics to use anything else, we kinda have to keep a contact of some kind for safety and logistics.  Is not a good situation but I am kinda stuck right now. 

BUT---I have asked someone just now to print a copy of the MySpace page and think they will (he took our printers) and I am diligently forwarding emails from him to my attorney. 

I like ILLA too---Hopalong!  Very clever!  I like ILHA too!     Always, both of you!

Lighter---maybe this should be on a private post, but since you seem to be aware of the "special undies" you cracked me up.  I scrapped those years and years ago.  What a weird religion.  I never really believed even as a kid, but was forced into it, my FOO is ultra LDS which is making things interesting to say the least, and we live in the heart of it so he is trying to align himself with the most powerful thing around. Can you say spiritual abuse?   But it is ok.  I will have to stand my ground there too.  I have been for a while, anyway.  I just don't want him F-ing (sorry about language) around with these kids minds he claims  to care so much about.  I have plenty of witnesses including them who will tell about how much he has said about how bad the religion is for children.  And especially girls and  women.  Now he will subject them to it to spite me.  Really sick.  Not if I can continue to stop him.  He is just saying I MADE him leave to get sympathy and power from them (the mormons) and his  FOO and hopefully (he thinks) my FOO too---it is really disgusting.

I need to get on with applying for grants and stuff so i can care for these kids and make a living.  If anyone knows of anything I can look into,  let me know.  I have heard there is a grant to pay me to go to school.  I have a real estate license but don't think that is working out well right now as far as the market it going.  I will use it if I have to, but have to find a new broker since my wonderful H was my broker before.  I have been trying to take care of 6 kids and giant ridiculous house and make life perfect for him an d clean up all his messes in every way and not used my license much at all and all he did was complain about that too.  And still is!!!   I can't tell you how many people are telling me their jaw drops when he starts in on that one.  They KNOW how busy I have been just keeping up with the crap he has put us through and raise these kids on my own basically.

WHOOPS, Ranting...Actually waiting for my power to be turned off today.  He has told me he can't pay the bill so I will have to, but I have to call his bluff and let it go off and go from there.  I can't pay the entire thing anyway, they have to turn it on for a lot less once they shut it off.  If it goes off it just looks worse for him anyway.  Our house phone is already off.  These are all utilities in his name  he told me he knew would be shut down and I would have to arrange something.  I say nothing.  He is not allowed with the Protective Order to "mess" with my utilities anyway.  He is just proving to be the jerk he is.  Running around whining and crying about how much he cares about his kids and they are his LIFE---but he will allow the power to be shut down and the phones where they are living???....hmmmm...still waiting to see if he will make a last minute call to the power co.  I know how to get it back on since he has put me through this many times before while he lived here.  Sigh.....

Over and out,

Sunny

[lighter]

You're right... the Judge won't like it that he/H let the power get turned off.

It's not what he's supposed to do with the order of stay in place.  Naughty naughty and won't work too well for him, I should think.

Now.... IS the Judge LDS?


And..... tell what the special undies look like, lol?  Were they silky long johns labled really special and how much did they cost?

I GOTTA KNOW!!!!

[Hopalong]

I had a sweet neighbor once who married at 17 (a very nice man) and at 19 they both converted to LDS.
I was morbidly fascinated, very impressed by the wheat in the basement, and they were great people.

However, I did have a teeny-weeny little desire to suggest a couple new thoughts...

When I gave it up was when I went over to their house one night, toting a newspaper clipping about Sonia Johnson (the infamous LDS woman who was excommunicated because she supported the ERA). I said, Hi Mindy, thought you might be interested in this article...and she took it from my hand, trotted across the LR to her sweet hubby and said, "Bill, do we agree with this?"

 

Hops

[DivineSunshine]

Lighter---

So FUNNY!  No I do not think my commissioner or judge are LDS----whew!     Ohhhh...the silly undies!  I was wearing  "normal" undies he didn't care for--tangas I think.  So he said "let's get you some decent normal underwear!"------I really had to bite my tongue on that one!  He has worn his for years and I hated them.  Can you believe they actually make the people pay to get into the "temples"---10 percent of their income which explains everyones poverty around here---and then they charge for the special clothes and underwear (like 15 bucks for top and bottom together, I think) you have to wear!  People buy it hook, line,  and sinker!  And there are special marks on them to signify  how you will kill yourself if you tell the temple rituals.  A lot was done just like masonry--I've heard.  Don't even get me started on what they DO in there!  If you want I can tell you some sites where they tell about all that stuff---pretty funny!  And sick.

Sad part is, my mom keeps bugging me to ask my "bishop" for help.  Counsel and money, etc. because she does not want to, I guess.  But,   I talked to him on my way to the shelter because it so happens he is the bank manager where I went with my kids that day to get some money to live on and he told me my H had already taken my name off my accounts so I had no access.  So I told him of the abuse for a minute and asked if he knew ANYTHING about it for reference---and he says no...nothing!   And this man is supposed to be counseling 100-150 families in his neighborhood on marriage and life in general.  It is just some power thirsty guy who does not give a crap, and especially about women.  They all are.   

Hops,  I remember Sonia...she was like satan himself around here!  And speaking of the women have to consult the men.....we take no vows to each other when married except I vow to obey him and we both vow to obey God and the church, basically.  It is soooo sad.  And I had to go and pretend to smile and support a dear niece just this last weekend who got married in the funhouse (temple) at 19.  This is the crap I am fighting for my 4 daughters to not "buy" into.  And my sons to NOT become jerks!  They all (the men) think they have special powers from God.  It is ridiculous.  Oh, and I am supposed to ask the men in charge now for a special church divorce which means in the doctrine that if I don't....well, I am stuck with this idiot forever!   Forever!  But HE can continue to marry, and marry and he will have ALL of us in the life after!  Mormons /LDS DO believe in poligamy, just by keeping it to the afterlife.  If it was allowed by law now they would be doing it--- guaranteed!  It is all crap.  I don't believe it anyway, so i won't be asking for said church divorce.  Bunch of crap!  Ohhhh...I better knock it off now, I really don't mean to offend anyone, but someone HAS to say something----sumpthin stinks in UTah! 
Oh and my mom spent time and money on food storage which rotted since it has been 30 years now.  Lots of wheat.  And  with 7 children, they were giving food money to the church  while we went without and forced me to bring in a few dimes and nickels from the age of 3 on (more as I got older) to declare my tithing each year at Christmas time!!!   I could go on and on, but won't for now.

Sunny

[isittoolate]

Hey Sunny

Some story there, and it got me to thinking about my ex son-in-law being Mormon```something I had totally forgotten.

As soon as my mother heard that, her first question was if he could marry as many women as he wanted to. I gathered, because I didn't know about N-ism , that all his quirks were Mormonisms!

One thing though, a question for you. He had a 102 acre farm and planned on a large family and each would have a portion of the land, where they would build and live, and he would be the patriarch. Is that a Mormonism?

Hang in there. You're doing great!
love
Izzy

[Poppy Seed]

I think I just need to remind you that there are a lot of people listening to you conversation...........

I am LDS.  And I love being LDS. I have a very different view that you do.   I am sorry, DS, that you have had bad experiences. There are bad experiences in every religion. But please understand that to me your comments, and Lighter as well, smack of prejudice about things you clearly do not understand and things that mean a great deal to me.  It is not the first time someone has lashed out with your attitude and it won't be the last.  I am sure all groups who have endured comments like yours would say the same.  But in a place like this, I would appreciate a little more respect for the beliefs of all...  
From someone who is in the process of being slandered.....I would have expected more sensitivity.

Poppyseed

[Ami]

Dear Poppy,
   Since I am on ,now,I will just send you my apologies that you were hurt. I am sure that no one meant,intentionally, to hurt you. I am sure that when they see this, they will be very sorry.
                                                   Love   Ami

((((((((((((((Poppy)))))))))))))))))
 

[DivineSunshine]

Izzy,

I have no idea if that is a mormonism or nism, sounds like a little of both!

BUT, in light of Poppyseeds comments, I will humbly bow out of this type of "slander" as far as this religion or any religion goes.  And tell her I am sorry, and I got carried away in my frustration and it does not justify risking offending anyone.  My apologies.  Sincerely.  I was wrong.

I will, however, answer any questions  or keep folks up-to-speed in regards to this aspect of my situation privately if anyone is interested by PM.  This is not a subject I take lightly.  This is a very huge determining factor in my Voicelessness for my lifetime.  And determining my and my childrens future.  Therefore, as relevant as it seems to me for my story, I recognize I went too far in my comments for an open board.  Again, Poppyseed, I apologize...I respect your conviction.  Hope we can put this behind us all.   I don't wish for it to become a huge deal so I will just drop this post by NOT making any more entries and begin another when I want to say something about anything else and let this one ride out...so to speak.  

Whoopsy!

Sunny

[Poppy Seed]

It is all ok, DS.  I am not hurt.  And I appreciate the apology.  It won't become a big thing from my end.  I just felt I had to say something. Perhaps we all need a reminder now and again that the world is a big place and their is room for all of us no matter our differences and our varied beliefs and viewpoints.

Please know, DS,  that I have compassion for voicelessness in whatever circumstance it is found ....especially for you and your situatuation and experience and perceptions of that experience.   It is OK.  I get frustrated too and sometimes say things I wish I hadn't.   I want you to get the support you need right now.  And just because I posted...the way that I posted.....doesn't mean I withdraw my support of you and your situation and your pain.  It is there...... as it always has been.

Peace to you,
Poppy

[Hopalong]

Hi Poppy,
I apologize too...me who always talks about how much she loves religious diversity!
I should have known better than to poke fun, gentle or not, at anyone's religion.
Ashamed of myself. What a lapse. I'm sorry I was so careless, Poppy.

That said, I do think some religious messages are very oppressive and I have a suggestion, but I'd like to know what you and others think...do you feel it would be okay if someone did feel a need to discuss that particular kind of voicelessness, if they just started a fresh thread and labeled it so anyone who didn't want to read any anger about their own type of faith, could just not read it? Or should it always be restricted "behind the curtain"? I dunno.

For example (using UUism, turnabout's fair), here's a hypothetical that did affect a member here once--something like:

Bad Experience From Seducers in a UU Church

Know what I'm getting at? I think if anger at our Nrelationships is allowed, then perhaps anger about institutions or belief systems that anybody feels has hurt or oppressed them should ideally be allowed too? But presented with care and labeled so nobody feels forced to read negative feelings or criticisms about something that's precious to them, as LDS is to you...

Then again, I could be waaaaay off base, or unrealistic in what a cyberboard, with so many different kinds of people, can handle without hurting somebody. I DON'T WANT THAT! Hmmm. Maybe it's a bad idea.

I was raised to believe nobody should ever discuss religion or politics, that it'd always lead to a fight. Oh sigh. If anywhere could prove otherwise though, I bet it's here...

Then again, I have been a naive cockeyed optimist and fallen flat on my face in puddles more often than I can count. And would you believe at this very moment I am actually watching Pollyanna on TV?  (Loving it too.)

I'll just speak for myself and not tell anybody else what to do. I, personally, would like very much to read separate threads about that particular type of voicelessness. Especially for women. Of any faith or denomination. It's been a Very Big Deal in my own life. And if someone's been hurt by their own experience, I promise I will NOT take that as a reason to doubt that anybody elsecould find happiness, meaning, belonging or love and joy in that same faith.

It's a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide world.

Sorry for the long ramble (and the huge hijack, Sunny!).

xo
Hops