Can you believe this?

[Ami]

Thanks Izzy
  The people who have NDE's are a different breed of people, as far as I have studied. They are usually peaceful and do not worry. They have faced the ultimate fear(death) and have come back to be able to live life fully.
  Thanks for your answers--they were wonderful.               Love   Ami

(((((((((((((Izzy)))))))))))))))))

[Leah]

Well, I haven't had a Near Death Experience.

I have been, and continue to be, peaceful and don't worry, nor do I have fears of any kind.

Regarding death - I don't have any fear of death - because I know where I am going!

Walking by true faith in God with a personal relationship with God, makes the difference, for me.

Knowing that I am saved by God's Grace and mercy, and will be 'absent from the body and present with the Lord' gives perfect peace.

Much love,

Leah

[Ami]

Dear Leah,
  I should be like you BUT I am not--- at all------bleh. I am very,very fearful. Did you used to be fearful. If so, what was the process 
 that you used to overcome it---specifically.? I must not have God's love inside me--enough. It has to be that. What do you think?                                    Ami

[Leah]

Dear ((((( Ami )))))

No, it's nothing like that, you do have God's love.

There is no 'process' that one can use to overcome .....

because .... it's by Faith

You could consider doing a Word study on 'Faith' and what it is to have the gift of true Faith

Earlier on this year, that's exactly what I did.

Remember, "Perfect Love Cast Out All Fear"   ..........whom you have not seen you love, by faith!

1 Peter 1:3-9 became very real and very personal.

Hope that helps.

Much love to you ((( Ami )))

Leah

[Gaining Strength]

GS, have you come up with a word for that blank line? What do you mean advanced, on a higher plane?

Not yet - what I mean is this - when you first came you asked was it too late? And then for a long time each time someone offered you encouragement you would sort of take it but then you would say - "but is it too late?" and sometimes you would simply say, "It is too late."  And now here you are writing that your accident - which for most would be the worst thing possible - is God's plan for you and your life is actually better off because of it.  That transformation is operating on a higher plane.  You have moved out of that place where you talked about having a life of value as being lost to you and now you are talking about transcending a tradgic experience and transforming it into something good.  That is simply amazing to me and I am so glad for you.  - your friend - GS

[isittoolate]

Hi GS

Aha I see what you mean.
And remember I am disconnected from feeling, but I think a lot of thoughts about feelings.
When I joined this board I was pretty well at the end of my stint because, alone, nothing abusive is happening.
All I required was some validation on just about every that had happened.
Then I made this post about my belief, my rationalization, of why the accident happened, and no one laughed at me. No one felt it was a stupid thought.
So with this last, I will have to become accustomed to the fact that others believe as I do, that it could be true. Who knows for sure, but I’ve thought it for a long time

If I could feel deeply, like most people, I might not be unsure of the possibility that my thoughts  sounded right on. or a way out of the realm of possibility.

Love
Izzy

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[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
  I think that you are talking about the topic ---near and dear to my heart----Trusting yourself.                         Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

Well I am afraid too!  I am afraid I will leave my children to be raised by someone who does not love them as yuai as I do.  I am afraid of dying in a horrible accident with lots of pain and fear at the last minute!

[Gaining Strength]

If I could feel deeply, like most people, I might not be unsure of the possibility that my thoughts  sounded right on. or a way out of the realm of possibility.

If you could be sure of the possibility that your thoughts sounded right on then you could feel deeply like most people.


Did you experience any support for your thoughts or feelings as a child or young adult?  I suspect not and I suspect it is much more critical than that.  I think your statement points directly to the source of your "unfeeling."  I started to write that your unfeeling has nothing to do with your nerve damage from your broken spine but as I started to type my mind immediately turned to your initial post in this thread - perhaps your broken spine is directly related to your limited emotional feeling - who knows. - GS

[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
  I think that you are experiencing what survivors of abuse typically experience---they don't trust themselves. ,It is very hard for me to trust myself when I have an impression or an emotion.
  I do what my M did.I dismiss my feelings and thoughts as she did. So, I don't trust if I am feeling or seeing "accurately". I second guess myself so much that I become "paralyzed',emotionally.
  I bet that I have very good perceptions. I have to trust them . That might be  part of where you are,also.
                                 Love   Ami

[isittoolate]

Well I am afraid too!  I am afraid I will leave my children to be raised by someone who does not love them as yuai as I do.  I am afraid of dying in a horrible accident with lots of pain and fear at the last minute!

Believe me OC, I was conscious during the three rollovers and had time only to think, "Boy! Izzy! You're being in one hell of a car crash." (Had I died that would likely have been where my thoughts ended.) I never felt any pain of my head bashing my arms or anything. Then once one is paralyzed one feels nothing. I was still conscious and 'directed' people re my recollection of not moving me and my injured back

What is a yuai

Another appendage to my posts is:
What was my daughter told? Was a hospital explained to her? Was she told that I loved her? Was she told that I didn't leave her? Were the letters I wrote to her, read to her or just opened for the cheque? Was she forewarned about the stryker frame (a very intimidating 'bed')? Was she forewarned about a wheelchair, like grandma's (my mother was in wheelchair, too.) Was I mentioned in conversations to keep memories alive? (Stay away from someone too long, you can be forgotten)
I have many questions but wehy ask them now?

Love Izzy

[isittoolate]

Hi Ami

Some thoughts we have depend on our trust and faith in God as the answers are unknown. We can think only what feels the most comfortable to live with.

.......and I did mention rationalization!
xx
Izzy

[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
  Don't mean to be "dense" here but I don't understand what you mean(Squished up face)?                   Ami

[isittoolate]

Hi GS
No. I did not receive support from any of my family throughout my WHOLE life. That is the way we were all 'built' by our parents who ought never have been parents.

i have never had deep feelings that I recall. My therapist calls me disconnected from them: that the abuse was more than a little girl could take and I tucked it all away.

I wonder if I have imposed No Contact on my body? It houses the heart, the soul, the spirit?---except if one becomes literal and splits you wide open they can find only a heart that is a piece of meat and has ceased to beat. There are so many other things in there, where is there room for a soul and spirit? (offensive and rhetorical)

The accident caused me to draw on every strength and be pleasant to my visitors. There was not one that even mentioned the accident. I was the elephant in the hospital room. I became tough and I became angry.

When my SIL dismissed me from HIS property, it included my daughter and grandchildren and I cried. Then I stopped. Then 2 years later I cried all one day and haven't cried since. I became resigned and angry.

So much time has passed that I am no longer angry with anyone, as I see the errors that many people make, and these people didn't know how to comfort me, how to discuss a difference in opinion.

I am not perfect by any means as I doubt I could trust anyone again, or love-----it's all fake and I will stay as is where it is safe!

Love
Izzy

Hops this will prevent my bringing up my other post and you are right. The topic has arisen again!
xx
Izzy
Hopalong
Hero Member

Posts: 5453


    Re: OK!! Me now and why-- less long but informative
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2007, 03:40:18 PM »   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Izz...

Your family was paralysed too.
They were completely unequipped with the kind of character needed in a crisis like that (look how they treated their kids and each other), so they failed to come through for you.
They probably wondered why other people knew what to do...but they really didn't know.

(Didn't try too hard to find out, either. But that's what they'd learned, isn't it.)

I am glad your NDE happened. Perhaps the gift within the problem.

xo
Hops
 

[isittoolate]

Dear Izzy,
  Don't mean to be "dense" here but I don't understand what you mean(Squished up face)?                   Ami

do you know if you are going to Heaven or Hell?  or your mother? or your sons? or your husband? or Maria?

do you know absolutely that you are doing the right thing, thinking the right way, walking the straight and narrow with only pure thoughts?

Only God knows those answers!

You dig?

However you can think abour your answers and live with the one that is most comnfortable for you here on earth!
===========
How can I come to terms with a loving God who would have me disabled for life?

I explained it the best way I know how, after much thought, and realized I would have been on Welfare all my life, had I not sued and I required the permanent disability to sue, and now as a senior I would be- living in a ratty tenement?---------well I don't know!

you dig?

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