Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

I guess That's It

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Anonymous:
Hi Surf -- Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions about your past relationship with your mother. After reading it, I can only say that you really have done everything possible as far as tolerating her behavior, telling her that you love her, and trying to work gently toward a real relationship with her. You have nothing to regret in the way you have dealt with her, and it's very sad that she cannot respond.

I also admire you for having confronted her over the abuse. Did the fact that she somewhat admitted it, even in an indirect way, validate your feelings -- i.e. make you feel less voiceless?

I can't help thinking that if I had received even the least bit of acknowledgement from my N mother that there was something wrong with her behavior, I would be less likely to feel guilty and doubt my feelings about her.

Many really excellent comments on this thread. Thanks everyone!

Morgan

Anonymous:
Morgan,

Thank you so much for your supportive feedback.  I really appreciate it and everyone's feedback on this thread.   I feel like I have a clearer understanding of the situation as a result of everyone's input and I understand my mom and her outrageous behavior better!  I feel good in realizing I don't have to take her so seriously; she IS acting out like a two year old.  I'm just around her so infrequently that I have just now really  come to understand that, and that's worth loads.

Morgan:  when she finally admitted to the abuse and to having treated me wrongly by accusing me of being a liar and being viscious I did feel better. (at the time of her denial she swore on a bible no less that she and my father had never laid a hand on us.  I found that really interesting since she brought me up very strictly never to lie).  By the next morning her defenses had SHOT up and she started the day requesting to explain her position further; she never got a chance which is good because there was nothing to defend; I'm sure she might have just concocted more lies.  She left Hawaii several days later angry at me and held onto that for several more years; angry that  she had let me penetrate her barrier and see inside.  Her anger was only diminished when my younger sister who lives near her and has had to bear the brunt of this c--p for years developed small cell lung cancer.  This diverted my mother and she was very afraid she would lose the caretaking my poor  sister had been giving, bless her heart.  She survived thankfully.

Thanks again everyone, you made my weekend!  and beyond.  Aloha  Surf

 :D

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