Emotional Deprivation Disorder

[Ami]

Dear Changing,
  THAT must be how you healed. You transformed your pain and lack of love in to giving-------Cheech and Chong moment.
   Changing----I have been trying to "ask" you this question, but I could not put it in to words. You had a healing of your past by giving love. Then, you were in a "state" of love.So, you did not get proper FOO love,but you can live in a state of love by 'giving". Lord---that is BIG.
  That is SO profound..
  Maybe it is how it used to be for me. I was "innoculated" from my M's abuse as LONG as I could see that I was part of the human race . As long as I could see that I was experiencing the "human" pain that everyone was---I stayed "intact" inside. I could see other people's pain and I could offer warmth to them. I was  enriched( felt loved inside) and I retained "myself"
 Once,I became "numb", I felt "different". Then,I went down the tubes fast and never have gotten out yet.
  The key for me staying whole was accepting ALL my feelings and thoughts as 'human" and not "bad" or "not human"
  Also, I recieved love by 'giving love" by helping to relieve s/one else's pain.
    Changing-----is this what you mean?                                                                                       Ami

[Leah]

Dear Changing,
  THAT must be how you healed. You transformed your pain and lack of love in to giving -------Cheech and Chong moment.   Changing----I have been trying to "ask" you this question, but I could not put it in to words. You had a healing of your past by giving love. Then, you were in a "state" of love.So, you did not get proper FOO love,but you can live in a state of love by 'giving". Lord---that is BIG.
  That is SO profound..
  Maybe it is how it used to be for me. I was "innoculated" from my M's abuse as LONG as I could see that I was part of the human race . As long as I could see that I was experiencing the "human" pain that everyone was---I stayed "intact" inside. I could see other people's pain and I could offer warmth to them. I was  enriched( felt loved inside) and I retained "myself"
 Once,I became "numb", I felt "different". Then,I went down the tubes fast and never have gotten out yet.
  The key for me staying whole was accepting ALL my feelings and thoughts as 'human" and not "bad" or "not human"
  Also, I recieved love by 'giving love" by helping to relieve s/one else's pain.
    Changing-----is this what you mean?                                                                                       Ami

Bless you (((( Ami ))))

Giving love, is all i have ever known, all i have ever been, all i have ever done, during, a life time of abuse.

Been ridiculed for being that way inclined, and abused for being the kind of person i am, with unkind bullying remarks, and beatings too.

But, that is who i was, and who i am - an outwardly loving person, who is kind, and sincere; who admittedly makes mistakes along the way.

And no-one will take that away from me, ever.

Of that i am heartfelt sure.

Love, Leah

[Ami]

Dear Leah,
   A HUGE lightbulb just went off.  I feel changed,inside.
   I still have this "block" to accepting my" N spots'. I think that when I get through this block,I will be free. That is why I keep bringing it up(b/c I am "stuck")
  I have to free up all my insides if I am going to be able to give love.
   I can't have this "drama" going on in me that I "freak out" and think I am horrible when an N idea or emotion passes by.
  This is a real "bondage" to my being whole.
   Usually ,once I can express s/thing,it is just a matter of time before it heals. I hope so ---b/c this is a deep one. I must have HAD to develop this stance in order not to emotionally crumble with my M---bleh.                     Love    Ami


((((((((((Leah)))))))))))))