Hi
I just got done going to an on our own seminar.
On our own is a survivor support network for folks overcoming mental illness.
I went with a group I help out and go to,Hearts and Ears,
it's a support group for GLBT folks struggling with mental illness. We have a double social stigma,we have mental illness and we are gay.lesbian bisexual and transfolk too.
Now,In most of the seminars during the two days things were cool...I won the On our own art contest!!! 300.00 bucks whoo hoo! And there was a wayy fun pool party/dance.
But for all the wonderful parts, ,the new contacts I made freinds I got and tons of information I have absorbed..
I come home ready to explode..
I have to bring this up.
I've HAD IT with Religious Christian Zealots infiltrating organizations to proseletyze to people .. I triggered several times in groups because of them,coming in to sell thier god, interrupting meetings,
At the hearts and ears meeting,this fundie came in and interrupted us she gave the I'm so tolerant line,so non-judgemerntal. right after she decared she was such a witness for jaysus than she basically told us we belong in the closet and being gay or trans is a mental illness..
Since Hearts and Ears is support for GBLT people with mental illness, some of us have been terrorized and dehumanized all thier lives by two faced bible banging bigots. some bigots were parents,who hated thier queer kids because the bible tells them so.
I noticed during the On Our Own seminars,when an evangelists come around they do thier best to distract, dominate,hijack the discussions. Suddenly it's all about THIER religion,thier desire to make you be like them and it's a religious debate..This REALLY pisses me off. Oh the proseletyzer will say all the right buzzwords to look all tolerant on the surface..but like all abusers they are "clever" they twist words around to get you to doubt yourself,doubt your own perceptions that theyreally are one track pushy assholes who have no legit business at all being in the group session .Like abusers everywhere else,they dehumanize you with sugar on top and if you disagree with thier hateful words they cry victim and call you intolerant.It's like the school bully punching the little kid and when teacher comes the bully says the little kid who was punched made the bully be a cruel jackass, as if the bully is a helpless victim overwhemeed by the little kid with the new black eye....Religion encourages some people become some of the most selfish,manipulating bullying and egomaniacal monsters I face in life.
I can't stand the concept of evangelism. It's no different than a pushy insurance salesman,spam clutteering up my inbox. or annoying advertizements I don't want to hear on the radio or tv.I hate evangelism for another reason, evangelists are not content with no I don't want your relighion,..No ,they manipulate,harass infiltrate , push decieve and obsess and do not listen to others at all unless it's about them and they cannot accept that you do not want thier good news and don't like thier god and never want to go within 100 feet of thier church.. Their so called "truth" is an excuse,They use truth as a codeword excuse to say hateful things to others,because their book says it,and they parrot it,There is NEVER concern about how thier bible sounds to a person who is traumatized by thier religion,or whom is different than they are. It is hateful to tell gays to go back in the closet..,the bible is not a suffiecient rationalization for this kind of emotional abuse and hateful speech. I have been in church meetings in Assemblies of god I was at a vunerable time and had a temporary conversion and it was like a delusion.It almost drove me to suicide.The church abandoned me like a hot potato when I doubted faith,and I faced a horrible depression and the feelings of anger and betrayal all alone in a strage town where I had no social supports. IN AoG these clever abusive bullies of biblical proportions,plan,no,scheme ways to infiltrate groups they don't like and infect them with thier poison gospel or destroy them. They are machivellian ,they talk about how to manipulate facilitators and dominate the discussions.They talk about howe to infiltrate media the entertainment industry politics other religions,and public schools. They see a war against humanity .A war with everyone in the world .Anyone who has a different lifestyle or identity, who does not accept thier god as thier heart ruler..These christianotalibornagains have declared a culture war on people like me, who just want to have thier own voice, to live thier life without abuse ,without stigmas,and barriers,to love whom they love,to like what they like,to be who they are.
But nooo the fundies can't let the non-believers be,and stay away from us.Dominion of thier church is not enough control for them.
They can't tolerate different kinds of believers andthey can't stand anyone not desiring of thier kind of salvation.Bully fundies won't leave people ALONE until they get thier way. They REFUSE to live and let live.They want control over everyone's mind and life..BUT they won't control themselves nor do they want to be accountable to anyone else.Fundies don't extend equal respect anyone who doesen't want to be like them. And I found out the hard way,over and over .Fundamentalist religion more often than not is rigid conservative and sociopathic because of that intense delusional zeal.I n some fundie churches they plan excecute and deliberately seek to hijack the floor in groups of GBLT,survivors,artists.They are critical of anyone giving support to the poor,kids pregnant moms,ect..better than the churches/When people care through true empathy, The churches are resentful.They snub help that happens without jesus dominating everything they offer.
The fundies triggered me today,I had a hard time staying cool.In the seminar on trauma,which DID NOT focus on religion at all,it was more about sharing our stories and healing and the impact trauma has on society in general.. In the group a bible thumper interupted and started thier pitch,and I wasen't so calm.I had a minor outburst. I said was abused by christians,I was doubted by professionals because the abuser was christian,and every christian who hears my story defends thier "faith" instead of admitting one of thier kin can be a cruel son-of-a bitch even with that jesus monster in control of thier cold selfish hearts. But thankfully the fundie in the trauma seminar had enough of a sense of empathy and tact left in her jesus addeled brain to stop her sales pitch and shut the fuck up..I cried I was so damn scared.I truly hate zealot christians who have no empathy like telemarketers, I wish the bible would be forgotten or rejected ,I wish all the churches would be torn down because the people in them found out they didn't need a control freak god to love them and make excuses for them,because they decided that abusing and converting people was manipulative.
After the trauma meeting,after lunch today, this other fundie infilatrated our Hearts and Ears meeting, When she bragged about being a witness for jesus in the introductions I knew what was going on ,we had another pushy zealot asshole in our midst again. I bit my tounge.
I frankly wanted to attack her and kick her out,of the room violently. I knew she didn't give a crap about us,our issues with being gay or transgender,she didn't care about our pain or struggles with stigma,with society and with bigots like herself,no she just wanted to invalidate our identities because the bible tells her so,and sell sell sell.. .She just wanted to convert us,tell us to be like her and make us be 'straight' because of her religion..She was so dishonest about her intention for joining in the meeting.It made me furious.When she was ignored by the group facilitator, after she said some rude crap,she was still rude waving her hand around interrupting other people.She said,the typiical bible bullshit lines,with a crocodile smile..When members of the group tried to say how here words hurt them,she tried to say WE didn't want to be tolerant twords her!!! She said this shit right after she said basically we should be in the closet because it offends her when same sexes kiss. Well Her intrusive proseletyzing in a group for GBLT that has NOTHING to do with religion, offends me. I wonder..did it ever occur to her the mature response when people do stuff that harms nobody that you happen to not like is to simply look away or walk away or deal with it, or you can choose to not hang around gay people because they might kiss each other? Sheesh this zealot nees to take some responsibility for her stupid lifestyle.I'm not christian so I am not going to make my life revolve around her rigid control freak church dogmas I don't even think are valid or sane. Unlike her,I don't seek to hang out at fundie churches,now that I understand what they are because I realize Ican't stand fundamentalists selling me thier crap playing like they care about me just so they can tell me I'm doomed to be tortured forevcer because I like women,too and am an androgynous cat in a human female body.So why do they INFILTRATE our spaces? Than have the gall bitch about us as if we are so intolerant when we don't wanna hear thier abusive"truth"in our space? Talk about RUDE!!. Did it ever occur to her that some people do not want her intrusive control freak religion aT ALL?.And in fact could she ever fathom some of us have been badly,deeply wounded by"good" christians just like her? Is she aware how good christian family members like her,do see it fit in thier sick selfish hearts and because it is ok by thier tyrant god they verbally,physically even sexually abuse someone's body heart and mind ,and encourage stigmatizing them for "faith in jaaaysus? This woman was so selfish, so obsessed and so determined to proseletyze her bullshit she was totally out of context with the meeting .She was disruptive and attention seeking.She was rude .And she was abusive.I was co facilitating this meeting with Hearts and Ears.
I was writing topics and points in the discussion with a magick marker upon a big post it pad easel thing.I misspelt alot I was so pissed. It took everything I had in me to stay cool.
If these fundamentalists want to instigate a friggin "culture war" with people who just don't want to be told who to be,what to believe,what to feel think or whom to love.when they are not violating anyones consent or hurting people, who just want to not be stigmatized by society at large,folks who want to live thier life without being denied a place to live,to work,to get healthcare,scapegoated ,shunned,abused,dehumanized and even sometimes killed...
If people like us in Hearts and Ears are evil demons, needing conversion, to be someone other than who they are..they can stick it where the sun don't shine.
If these "good christians" want to silence our voices because we are not like them,than FINE... what they are saying is
they are my ENEMY And they want to make war upon my very being,my voice, my identity and my happiness and control who I can love...They are saying they are an enemy to my heart ,an affront to my humanity, values and spirit, a danger to my safety,the safety of people who are not bigots and a threat to my future relationships,my happiness and joy in life.
If the church will not leave people like me alone..I will fight them than.They made the first move. It is they who refuse to let me live,refuse to let me,refuse to let me love my way and find happiness as I know it and express my spirit as it is.I will fight against manipulating bigots zealots,fascists proseletyzers and thier oreganizations. .I will stand up with my entire being for anyone who is being harassed by fundies and belittled and manipulated by a church. Any religion that thinks biblically instigated abusive fighting word speech is "truth" and advocates torture eternally(hell, original sin) because they believe god says to torment ,scapegoat,and bully gays,pagans, non believers,liberals, is corrupt and has no good in it. The fanatics who go on thinking this is not abusive speech they are gonna have a big problem with me if they try to peddle poison around me.I've had it with the religious...I am really disgusted with christo-bullies All this cruelty in the name of 'christ' to bring this partly unconsious tyrannical fantasy of christian domination ( aka as dominionism. kingdom now) to force themselves on culture,humanity and the world to make it be like them....Such,selfish souless assholes..these armageddon freaks.
Any belief system or organized religion who's leadership and agenda is set up to deliberately target and manipulate unhappy, lonely,vunerable people,who are losing hope,who have little support,who are afraid of the unknown, insecure,curious,..and takes advantage to insert a belief.. and urges people through subtle language and rigid authoritarian structures,to mistrust thier own empathy and perceptions,thier very identity and language and voices so they can alter and control thier sense of right and wrong is so abusive it boggles the mind,yet this is LEGAL..Any church that manipulates people's social interactions ,personal identities and applies psycho- enviromental pressures and sophisticated hypnosis techiques with a fancy sound stage, any church using NLP and subliminals ..to convince thier parishoners to accept moraly repugnant things as ok, by inducing open eyes trances to encourage them to abandon thier inner locus of control and thier humanity togive it up to god(church leadership)and become a zealot bully for jesus,a salesman of evil faith masquerading as good like any abuser does cleverly peddling words of hate and domination to hurting people as if it was love and truth ..Any church that takes a human being and turns them intoa one track delusional witness a church propaganda machine.Any preacher looking to create his oewn army of faithful deployable agents who will heap psychological torture and exclusion upon thier own children and family are sociopaths..(alot of GBLT people face the wrath and manipulations of fundie parents and family when they come out,) These bigot parents willingly sacrfice thier own child's sanity,hope,self acceptance,and relationship to them on the altar of thier dogmatic church and it's hateful doctrines of it's stinking caracass of a god. And these fundies do not want to see how abusive this is to a person because they are COWARDS.The churches are so much in denial about this it's scary. And thechristians wonder why some people can't stand thier hateful christ creature of looove..LOook at the rotten fruit it makes in the human heart it's so sweet to believers,it's like spiritual antifreeze and it's poison to the heart!!!.
Any religion that warps the human heart this badly is at it's CORE.. sociopathic, inhuman. And I cannot tolerate this evangelizing trip these fundies do when it is so intrusive and abusive.
Arrrgh!
I'm so mad,frutsrated and disgusted at all the ,hard hearted, manipulating hypocrite pushy fundie assholes I could Hisspit! These kind of delusional semisociopathic people are in control of our government now,like they have been maneuvering to do since before the REagan era,,they are killing democracy inverting good with bad,They lust to have thier theocratic kingdom of bullies and slaves and clay pots to smash right now,these people have infiltrated everything and they push and manuever until they make it in thier own image.. Zealot bigots smooth talked humanity into starting the culture war with itself ,to make the world in the image of an authoritarian bully sociopath and destroy the natural instiinctual urge in humans whio are not bullies to support each other in thier unique ways, these bullies want to colonize and destroy love and empathy itself!!
And I am sooo pissed off and the excuse making,in denial " liberal" christians(the good cop in the good cop bad cop game these bullies with bibles play) who because they know it's not right, don't evangelize,and infiltrate or mix church with government policy,who don't act like hypocrites most of the time,who can stand a little diversity, I could yowl..
Oh, I wish they'd get off thier collective passive-agressive mealymouthed humps and demonstrate clearly,loudly and PUBLIC to denouce and reject the warped bible quotin' dominator doctrines of these bigoted churches and bullies for jaaaysus railing for my demise and the demise of countless other people in pulpits,pastoral creeps so adept in the dark art of mind control misusing the sorry contradictory xtian bible to motivate,instruct and mobilize thier ,loveless,loyal deployable agents,the mindless obedient,rude,oblivious,sadistic salespeople/propagandists Hell bent on bullying people and excusing themselves for it ..These zealots target people who have been traumatized for being simply different or dissagreeing because they know they are weakened and in pain the bastards..Why don't more people shout down the bible thumpers who misuse the humane concepts of free speech and religious freedom? Why don't more people be intolerant of bigots who recruit and who seek out the sick,scared, vunerable,to con them until they believe and obey and change who they are for the demands of power drunk preacher control freaks because of a very evil book,edited by roman tyrants and would be world conquerers ,to make'cultural war' on us so they'll have thier horrible all the same, god approved hierarchical control game of"kingdom now"...GGrrrr, Arrgh.
Too many people are unaware or unwilling to fathom the dark theocratic intentions for domination in f some of these churches and the destruction they seek of humankind and advocate for with very slick language. Too many people are afraid ,ashamed or too proud to see how they are being used,lied to and manipulated by people they are taught are "good",I hope more people wake up and realize thier god of love has been hijacked and warped into a monster,thier bible made into a mind warping piece of Roman church/state propaganda.. ever since The Roman Empire adopted Christianity through the tyrant Constantine.
Our freedom.peace safety and right to be who we are is threatened by this sick belief system because of what it does to people's hearts who believe in it and push it upon thier kids and anyone else within earshot..
I just had to say this.I really want to cut my arms up..to be honest.And I have only done it once this year.. I feel so much pain right now, but I thought I'd try to talk about it here first.
Feline
