A place to put the new norm

[lighter]

I need a place to put fear.

Fear of people I know and love dying or becoming critically ill, forever changed and weakened, altered.  People dying in great numbers all over the world... current numbers just the tip of the iceberg.  Living in a time of plague.  My children living in a time of food insecurity.

I don't want society to break down. I don't want to have to navigate that breakdown.  I don't want to overcome it and learn how to live with the new normal.

Political rhetoric, conspiracy theories....riled up people who sound like characters  from Lord of the Flies.  Can't have the Ralphs without the Jacks, right? 

I fear getting switched into fight or flight mode and not recognizing it... not noticing it.  I don't want to say or do harmful/irrational things, bc of fear.



OK.
That's enough of that for now.
Lighter

[lighter]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vmwsg8Eabo

I've been trying to give a set time to explore the things brining up fear and anxiety for me around the virus, politics, polarized reactions of others.... all the what if's that visit me throughout the day.

This video helps me understand the way multiple fears, coming together, magnify fears and reactivity.

I hope everyone watches it, bc it makes me feel more in control of responding vs reacting in these scary times.

Lighter
 

[lighter]

I've pretty well moved through the fear, and made peace with precautions I'm ready to take and do.

I went into many stores today shopping for my niece.  Shopping for handmade ceramics in the artist district where I hunted down an artist that used to sell pieces at the local tea shop that only opens a window for take out orders starting at 11am after sprinting through the local Re Store and finding amazing hand made pottery mugs, tiny, for 2.00 each, SCORE! 

So, waiting and multi tasking and getting skin care products at the organic store and waiting and figuring out what to put on father's tombstone and....

no fear.

Nothing. 

Just.....
pleasure in my day, with youngest dd, after having a pleasant drive to drop oldest dd off at her new happy job. 

The new ways aren't necessarily scary ways, at this point, for me.

 Youngest dd is going through the huffing and puffing anger at people refusing to wear masks.  I went through that phase, but I'm better now.  I just avoid them.

I have to say the world shifted in a few ways.  It felt like things were tipping over.

Youngest is making a sign for me to join the protest with.  I feel drawn to it, and don't want it to sputter out.  DD17 not comfortable being out with so many people, but I'm pretty confident about staying safe. 

It's a glorious day to hope for some things to tip over completely.  Maybe even help them tip. 

Lighter

[CB123]

Happy tipping, Lighter!! Love that.

CB

[lighter]

Thanks, ((CB))

Light

[Twoapenny]

I think it's getting used to the new normal, isn't it, and finding where your place is in all of that and what feels okay for you and what doesn't.  I'm glad you've found your groove, Lighter, and that things feel like they're going well now xx

[lighter]

I don't know about finding my groove, Tupp.

I think it's more about hatching out radical acceptance,
SEEING more clearly, which is something I've prayed my entire adult life for,
and then embracing more acceptance.

::nodding::

Yup yup yup.

Lighter