I want all of you to know that I did NOT invite Isabella nor any of the other recent unfamiliar people to this board.
I do not have friends in my 'circle' who would come on here and talk "down" to me or shame me as you've seen as of late. I have very healthy boundaries which I keep intact with all the people I consider close enough to call "friend."
I too would like to assure everyone on this board that i do not know reallyME....and i can certainly understand why she would not want me here because
I am the only one who has presented her with an opposing viewpoint and have refused to tell her she is justified in having morbid - even VIOLENT thoughts towards her pregnant daughter and unborn grandchild. I have noticed, reading other posts, from other people, that when they are having angry thoughts towards people, they are also overcome with a sense of REMORSE and GUILT.... But not you Laura! You feel JUSTIFIED and VINDICATED. This was a big
RED FLAG to me as I have researched Narcissism for several years now.
At least five of the following are necessary for a diagnosis of NPD. Upon reading your inflammatory post about your daughter I noticed several things which made the hair stand up on the back of my neck (outlined in RED):
1.Grandiosity
2.
Selfishness, though often well-concealed under a façade of consideration. - you only wanted to go to the ultrasound for yourself. You were not concerned about your daughter or the baby
3.
Feelings of nervousness, emptiness, or irritation when not at the center of attention. - upset at not being invited to the u/s when others were
4.Expects constant “mirroring” from others, especially relationship partners; enraged, sarcastic and blaming when it isn’t forthcoming
5.
Envious, especially toward the very people who offer desperately-needed narcissistic supplies like admiration, praise, or affection. Jealous of your future mother in law
6.
Aggressiveness. Screaming, swearing, yelling at your daughter
7.Uneven perfectionism: must have total order in some areas of life while others are chaotic.
8.
Prone to narcissistic wounding (ego injury); intolerant of certain kinds of criticism Attacking me for presenting an alterior viewpoint
9.
Retaliatory tendencies; signs of narcissistic rage, whether suppressed or acted out. Wanting to "hurt" your daughter "badly", throw her out, "teach her a lesson" etc.
10.
Abundant rational-seeming justifications for abusing those perceived to inflict such an injury. She deserves whatever she gets.
11.
Largely or entirely guiltless about the harm done to others in revenge for such injuries Oblivious/Don't care about the possible harm your actions will do to your unborn grandchild
12. Alternates between passivity and domination.
13. Under a fragile and inflated ego, disavowed emptiness, depression, sadness, and insignificance.
14. Resorts to manic counterphobic defenses against “negative” emotions (e.g., excessive busyness,escapism, “positive thinking” with a
compulsive edge to it).
15.
Feels entitled to special considerations, whether actually earned or not. Because you are the mother, you should be the FIRST to know, be at the u/s etc.
16.
Paranoia, blaming, victim-thinking. Obsessed with the thoughts your daughter does everything to "annoy you"
17.
Tends to sexualize the need for narcissistic supplies; excessively seductive; shallow relationships. Paranoid about the relationship between your daughter and your husband. Blaming your daughter for your bad marriage.
18.
Lack of empathy, though skilled at pretending to empathize and understand. No concern that your daughter is in a fragile, hormonal pregnant state
19. Cold-eyed charm.
20. Fantasies of unlimited power, beauty, intelligence, wealth, fame, etc.
21.
Arrogance, whether overt or covert; tends to be harshly judgmental of others. Not one kind word about your grandchilds father, other set of grandparents or your daughter
22.
Extremely manipulative; usually highly skilled at “pushing buttons” or redirecting criticism. Refuse to address my points/concerns. Deflects critism to me (must be out to get you, a spy etc)
23. Controlling; lack of boundaries between self and others; often
jealous and invasive.
24.
Overly concerned with surface indicators of social importance (e.g., appearance, job title, possessions,status symbols) Being at the ultrasound was of tantamount importance - how would it "look" if you were not invited
25.
Either unwilling to enter therapy (for fear of ego puncture) or prone to turn psychological insights intorationalizations, intellectualizations, or more narcissistic fuel. There is "nothing wrong with you" - every else has the problem.
26.
Unable to be objective or feel empathy when angry; has trouble separating thoughts from feelings. Again, completely inappropriate rage towards your pregnant daughter - revenge fantasies
27.
Splitting (the early defense of either loving or hating others with little or no in-between feelings),especially when “fed” or injured. Your daughter is 100% wrong, you are 100% right. No in-between
28,
Expects automatic compliance with his or her expectations. "I want to MAKE HER RESPECT ME!!!"
29.
Unlimited and unrealistic sense of specialness. Only you deserve to be at the ultrasound for all of the recitals, dr appointments, cleaning up vomit
30. Often responds to perceived hurts by
defensive regression to a state of hostile, archaic grandiosityaccompanied by an elaborate show of strength, toughness, or independence. Who needs her? I will kick her out. I will show her/ punish her. I don't need anybody. I'm special, wonderful, the best mother. I'll lpersevere despite my ingrate of a daughter.....etc. etc.
People who suffer from these indicators, symptoms, and strategies do not need to occupy leadershippositions that will amplify their narcissism. They need understanding and help and healing.
PLEASE ADDRESS THE ISSUES I HAVE BROUGHT UP. IT IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER THAT YOU WANT TO HARM YOUR PREGNANT DAUGHTER. IT IS NOT OK. YOU NEED HELP.
