Bagworm Has Ruined My Credit Rating

[changing]

I just found out that the Bagworm is seriously not paying his bills, even though he took our savings- it's only been 3 months since he filed- where did the money go???? I have been paying my bills, the mortgage, house insurance, taxes, house repairs, etc mostly in cash, but my credit has been ruined by his conduct- they have added his debt to my profile and it has been sorely damaged. I live a spare existence so that my obligations are met. Now I don't know if I will be able to get a mortagage in my name- I feel like I should have been just as irresponsible, it will end up the same way, and at least I wouldn't have scraped by like I do.

I called and emailed my lawyer, with no response yet. I am the world's biggest fool and clown- maybe I should run away and join the circus, but I'd have to take these pets with me!!!

Amore from an American Lady Pagliacci Dressed in Emmett Kelly Designs,

Changing

[Ami]

Dear Changing,
   I am so sorry .Bagworm is full of surprises --one worse than the other.
 Changing--- I know that you must be broken hearted right now. I am so, very sorry.I am here if you need help,in any way.    Love   Ami


((((((((((((((Changing)))))))))))

[isittoolate]

Oh changing,
I am SO sorry that this has happened. Did you just call your lawyer?

You are NOT a fool and a clown. Who better than all of us here doesn't feel like a fool for being sucked in, conned, romatized by a false person who is evil, not understanding what Ns were.

Now we know and we have messes to clean up,

I hope your lawyer answers soon and that this willl not go against your credit rating.
Love
Izzy

[tayana]

Changing,

Don't give up hope!  There's a possibility that none of bagworm's antics might not reflect negatively on your credit.  I remember reading about situations like that when I was researching ID theft.  There's lots of good information out there about how to clean up your credit.  You could contact the major credit reporting agencies and explain the situation.  They might be able to flag your credit rating so that you could still get a mortgage.   You could also talk to a credit counselor or financial advisor and see what sort of advice they could give.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.  I just wanted to let you know that all isn't lost, and even though things look bad at the moment, it might turn around.

[changing]

Hi Ami- Thank you for your support. I do feel better, like I am not stignmatized by this and forever drummed out of decent society, after I read your post. In Dicken's time I would be sent me to the workhouse, and I didn't even get to spend the money!!!! I appreciate your understanding (((Ami))) and I will just have to figure things out and ignore the vapid judgements of the uninformed!

Izzy- I talked to the lawyer about this the first day, and sent emails, and phone calls, and in every meeting we have had- he reassured me, etc- now this! I called  immediately when I was told about the credit arrears- BLEEH! Thank you for bucking me up- it's just something to clean up,etc- so true. I guess I felt embarrassed and ashamed and scummy because of what has appeared on my record. You are a numbers person, so your thoughts on cleaning things up are are especially appreciated!!

Tayana- You went through so much and did so well, I forgot that you had that nasty ID theft matter, you have gone so far past it! Thank you Tay- you are a doll- I just have to roll my sleeves up and fight this thing- I felt ashamed when I was told in a snide voice "Well, your payment hasn't been made in 3 months on one account alone". I will just have to take care of this step by step and shake off shame, etc. as I tend to hide and be ineffective in shame mode.

Thank God I have you all as friends, it takes the edge off the emotional part of this latest Bagworm mess, and in being able to discuss this freely and without shame I am better able to accept my reality and figure out a plan of attack, and will be more articulate and strong when speaking to judgemental non-friends as well.

I owe you guys, big time!!!

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

What bills wasn't he paying?  Maybe you can show where you were legally separated, that you were paying all your bills at that point and he wasn't paying his?

Your attorney may have some answers but..... it's a terrible bad wicked thing they do.

I'm afraid that might ba a tiny portion of what they're capable of. 

In the meantime..... your credit can't be ruined in 3 months alone can it?  The mortgage company wants to hear that your mail was stolen or you were under seige during a terrible divorce.... maybe?  So they CAN go back to trusting you and give you a mortgage?  Document..... ask your attorney. 

If you can fix it with money..... it's not as bad as it could be.  So sorry he's doing this to you.  AND WHERE DID THAT MONEY GO?!?

Foul blasphemer, Piggy little excuse of a man.

You can escape him, my dear.

I'm afraid......

he's stuck with himself

[Hopalong]

being able to discuss this freely and without shame I am better able to accept my reality and figure out a plan of attack

Bravo, Changing!

Shame schmame...poo on that.

Nothin' to do wit you, hon.
(Have a feeling ole judge isn't going to like him for this.)

Much comfort, much love,
Hops

[JanetLG]

Dear Changing,

I'm so sorry that Bagworm is having another go at you.

It's likely, I think, that he hasn't actually SPENT the moeny that he took out of your accounts - I remember having a similar thing with my Nboyfriend just before we split up, where he'd withdraw money from our joint account as soon as I put money into it (to pay the  mortgage & bills, etc), but he wasn't spending it, he was giving it in cash to his mother to hide for him, as he knew I couldn't get at it that way.

As to proving that it's not YOUR credit rating that should be penalised...as Lighter says, can you show the banks that you are going through a nasty divorce and that you were separated by the time these defaults started? If you can alkso show that anything you HAVE been solely responsible has been paid for on time, would that help to show that you and Bagworm are on different planets, as far as money responsibilities are concerned?

You don't need to feel ashamed by this, Changing, but I know that I would feel like you do, in the same situation, because  I did when it happened to me. If you are an honest person, then the idea of defaulting on bills is just somehting you would not do, so to be accused of it feels shameful. But it's not.


Janet

[changing]

Lighter, Hoppy, Janet-

Thank you for thinking this through with me. It definitely is an N topic, not only in reference to the Bagworm, but in my own FOO, as I think about it. When my NM left us, she had racked up a lot of bills and my father was stuck with them. He did not go bankrupt, but it was really stark for a while as he pad everything, and until the day he died he begrudged me anything that cost money, although he was quite generous with others. I have essentially taken care of myself since I was about 16. I worked from the age of 14 and at that age paid for my own clothes and food. When I married Bagworm I had no debt.  I know that I would be roundly condemned by my FOO if they were aware of this current debacle, even given my particular circumstances- so I suppose I am fortunate not to have them around!!!!! I guess that I shouldn't act as their proxy in shaming myself and just view this as a new challenge, not a badge of shame!

Yesterday I had made inquiries about loans, trying to get things in place to have the house put into my name slone with a new mortgage. I was speaking to someone and they were not nice when they informed me about the Bagwom payments in arrears- they sounded like a prosecutor discussing the rap sheet of a serial killer. When I explained that the accounts that were current were mine and the ones that were placed on my record on the bottom were Bagworm's, they seemed singularly unimpressed. I think that I let it get to me. Being able to discuss this makes me less shocked and touchy, and more rational about my options.

Lighter, 3 months of arrears in different accounts is major. And the companies have now added the  Bagworm's debts to my credit report, so it appears that I have the mortagge and all other loans listed as solely my obligation when one pulls my credit report. This seriously damages my credit score in terms of credit-worthiness in payment history as well as debt to income ratio. Bleeh! I will be busy doing what I can to inform the credit agencies, etc and perhaps straighten things out a wee bit, though creditors want to stick whomever they can with obligations. Bleeh! Thanks for your "Foul blasphemer, little Piggy of a man!"- I can add that to my lexicon, and I had a good laugh!!!

Hoppy- Thanks for not hating me! The offensive items are on MY record now, and it helps to hear confirmation that it is not me, personally!

Janet, that was very kind of you to share your experience with this sort of problem, and your understanding gives me a better perspective. I will use your perspective in going after the problem. I wondered at the time if Bagworm's being out of town was for the purpose of giving his mommy our savings, or that he bought some outrageouly expensive car and other items, and I raised that issue with my lawyer as well in September. I think that henceforth I will have a letter ready explaining the circumstances in detail and thus  (even if it's only in my own mind), shield myself from the scorn and derision of diverse accountants and such!!!

Thank you my Friends for posting this AM- it has given me a happy start to the day, and inspiration to fight on!

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

So.... it's the mortgage payment he's been failing to pay?  And other things?

I'm so sorry he's done this but I'm not surprised about it.

(((changing)))

You'll get through this.

[Ami]

Dear Changing,
   I HATE to see you doing what I do( and we all seem to do)------Take on other people's shame.I can only imagine how badly  you felt when they lady treated you so haughtily.
  I bet that must have really hurt. You are such a person of integrity.I am so sorry for that indignity.I really,really am, Changing.
 It is hard to separate oneself from outside shame.  I understand how it "bores a hole' right through you.
  I just want to say(for whatever it is worth) that you having nothing to be ashamed of . It is ALL Bagworm. One day the law of "What you reap, you sow" will come in to place for him.I am so sorry that he can't stop seeming to  want to push you down one more time. You have succeeded in  getting up all these times,but I know that it must be getting very "old" and  very 'wearing'.
  You have so many other 'weights" on your head like your 'disability"  and school.
  You are in my prayers. Despite all your struggles, I bet that you bring joy  to  people's lives around you , the way that you do to us, on the board..                  Love     Ami
   XXXXOOOO
    (((((((((((((((Changing)))))))))))))))
 

[Hops guest]

I can't believe there's nothing legal that can be done to correct this debacle!

I once put a Fraud Alert on my credit reports...can you do that? Kind of after the horse has left the barn, I know..

Dang. I remember someone here talking about a FORENSIC ACCOUNTANT being important in their divorce.

So so sorry, Changing.

Those are all the scraps of legal thoughts in my ignorant head.

But I know you'll find the resources you need to put that worm back in the bag for good.

And really, the shame issue...I hope you'll table it immediately. Any snotty lender or creditor
should get a level gaze and "My husband has intentionally created this situation, we're divorcing. You may have
heard of other women who go through something like this with a controlling spouse?" Nothing more.

Please, if there's any shame around, let it be THEIRS when you speak with calm conviction of what are only facts.

love to you,
Hops

[Iphi]

Aww changing - Ami has hit the bullseye and in several ways - taking on the shame - we all do it - it isn't your shame - you are a person of great integrity - he is a villain - his dishonor is not yours.  There's a lot for us all to learn from here - I'm feeling that strongly.

Unfortunately his problem is yours until you disentangle yourself.  He must have loved the convenience of being married to you as a beast of burden for all of his wrongdoing - it's horrible to contemplate his inner being and what a nasty soggy fetid airless moldy, not-up-to-code sub-basement of a place it must be.

Now collections types are incredible bullies and they don't care why it happened or whether you are honest or innocent or good/bad or what the issue is or WHO PAYS.  They don't care whether the person who rightfully should pay is the same person as the one who actually does pay.  Thier job is to make somebody pay by hook or by crook as soon as possible and they do not care about you or good or right or the proper way and there is a giant gap between collections practice and the law, restraint, oversight, practices right now.  They want to be a Problem so that somebody will pay to make the Problem go away.  Point: practice not to let some dishonest bully (on the phone, in person, in divorce court) lay inappropriate attitude on you.  Do not concede ground or submit yourself to her judgment.  Ha ha ha look who is talking - I speak only from the VOBE (Voice of Bitter Experience).  I have submitted myself to judgment by every passing stranger, idle tongue, ignorant opiner.  I am having a harsh time facing up to what a fool I have been and how vulnerable and how much time has been wasted - and how much I want to crawl into a corner in shame about all the other times I have crawled into a corner in shame - aaahhmm doh!  It's actually only this year I have begun to wriggle out and hope to help you wriggle out too.

[tayana]

Changing,

I thought I'd do a little research on the subject. I'm going to pass along some of the id theft resources I've found.  I would definitely file a fraud alert with all three major credit bureaus.  You can also dispute information on your credit report.  I think you can now dispute information with all three bureaus online.    If these are joint accounts, I would see about  having them transfered over into Bagworm's name solely, or if you are just the co-signer have your name removed, then dispute the information on your credit report.

Here's one link about how to protect your credit during divorce:

http://michellesgarcia.wordpress.com/2007/11/16/protecting-your-credit-during-divorce/

Here are some ID Theft resources:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/idtheft//?url=www.centurybank.com&urltext=Return%20to%20Century%20BANK

http://www.idtheftcenter.org/

An article about how to place a fraud alert:

http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/columnist/block/2005-03-28-ym_x.htm

Also, the major credit reporting bureaus have good info.

http://www.experian.com
http://www.equifax.com
http://www.transunion.com

The very first thing I would do is get a copy of my credit report.  You can get one for free at http://www.annualcreditreport.com.  I even went so far as to subscribe to a credit monitoring service from experian.  It alerts me when changes have been made to my credit.

I found some other good links just googling protecting credit during divorce.

[isittoolate]

Dear changing,

Boy! They do feel entitled to do what they want.

I had money problems with the N that my daughter married. A loan here, a loan there, anyway after he kicked me out, he owed me $55,000.00. By now I had an idea how he workedm although not knowing about N-ism yet

I had kept records of every transaction and scraps papear about other things, and took to a Civil Lawyer and instructed him "sue him silly".

Everything was on my side, but of course given that HE was to make payments, doesn't mean that he would do it, so I kept another Spreadsheet on the payments and then added in the interest when necessary and always had an accounting of where he stood, and when he reneged.
When he reneged too long I never contacted him, I went straight to my lawyer and he messed with N's nead again to get him into court

The judge was always on my side and would increase the Interest rate at these times.

To make a long story short, I received every penny back, the last part being from garnishment of his wages.

(He told my grandson, I took THEIR money)

Last payment was about 3 years ago.

Now I know this is different but I jumped right in there and did it, but I sure paid the lawyer a lot. I have never tallied the lawyer's fees. I'll leave that for some day when I have little to do.

Good Luck changing on nailing Bagworm's hide to the wall.

Live
Izzy

[attachment deleted by admin]