Pouring wisdom and experience into younger people

[Overcomer]

My daughter has a best friend who is a man.  They have been best friends for 7 years but have never been more than friends.  My daughter loves him but he does not feel the same way.  She is forsaking all others because she is holding out hope with him.  Meanwhile her opportunities are passing her by.  Another guy likes her but she wants L.  I want her to listen to me but she will not.  I realize that young people have to figure life out but I wish they would understand our experience counts.

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
  I am sorry. I know that it must be hard for you to watch.                   Love  Ami

(((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))

[Overcomer]

Well my mom reminded me she is only 20

[Overcomer]

Does anyone have any examples of how they were able to help their children or are all young people doomed to make a lot of mistakes?  I guess everyone offer to earn their own degree from the school of hard knocks!

[Ami]

Wow, Kelly, that is a big question.
I think that the best way to guide your D would be to share from your own experience, rather than "preach".
 I would share with her some experience that YOU had that was similar.I would share your heart and your pain when you did nor act wisely ,at times in your life.
  I think that that is the best chance that you have to get through to her.
  'Preaching" will make her run the other way.(IMO). The other thing that I try to remember with my sons is that most things pass. It sounds like she is a good kid who is just having poor judgment right now. Am I right?My S(older) had a huge  crush on his store manager who was old enough to be his mother--bleh.
  We "walked" through it together. At times, I thought that he would succumb( and I know that she would have) ,but I just talked to him with as much wisdom as I could about what the consequences would be( he would be beaten up by the husband--lol)
  My S and I went through this drama for a year.I didn't preach,but just tried to share my life experience . I told him that he had to listen to himself b/c I could not be there with him. I told him that what you reap you sow and maybe he did not want to sow what would come later.
 After a year ,he found a g/f his same age.  So, I did not panic,but just tried to use wisdom and he walked through unscathed.
  Keep Sharing,Kelly..I am sorry for the pain of this situation for you.   
  Love   Ami

(((((((((((Kelly))))))

 

[Overcomer]

Well I had a friend who wasted her 20s  with a surfer dude and her 30s with a man who could not get over a divorce.  she was 40 and never had a baby or got married-I do not want my daughter to go through this.

[Gabben]

  'Preaching" will make her run the other way

So true. I'd have to imagine that unconditional acceptance for her choices with an honest expressing of you feelings without trying to be controlling...I guess it is like tight rope walking.

I don't have kids so I can't really speak.

Lise

[Ami]

Dear  Kelly,
  I can see how you are`"relating' your D's situation to your friend. With my kids,I have had a realitively "easy" relationship. I try not to hold them "too tight" ,but 'tight enough".
  I have a peace that I have given them the best of what I have. IF they make mistakes,I don't like it,but I can allow them to fly. So far, they have had good sense. However, my S could have easily had an affair with that manager . I really could not have prevented it.
 The fact that I was available to talk and tried to help him see the consequences was all that I could do.
    Certain relationships in life are harder than others to navigate.My S's have always been relatively easy. Maybe, b/c boys are `easier than girls.
   When it comes right down to it---we cannot really "control" their actions.We can just point out consequences.If they don't embrace them, there is nothing that we can do
         Love   Ami

(((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))