My Aunt

[Ami]

i just wanted to write about my Aunt. I talked to her yesterday and I learned so many things.
  I asked her if she accepted her emotions. She said,"Yes, Ami dear, they are just human". She said that she feels her  emotions and  accepts that  they are part of being "human"(all of them)
  She has little insecurities ,but accepts herself.
 I told her how I really almost "lost my mind" b/c I felt so guilty about "bad " emotions. She gave me the simplest most beautiful answer. She said,"Ami, that's silly."
   She lost her H when she was young(50). She told me about dating a guy ,but then stopping b/c she didn't love him.She told me that she tries to live with integrity ,as much as she can. I felt like I was transported from the "crazy" land of N's in to a land where things made sense.
  My Aunt was always a "dream" to me. She lived 10 minutes away(walking). She  was in my mind as s/thing that I could aspire to. I  felt like the 'little Match Girl" when I visited her house. There was so much love and warmth ,but I was  on the outside.. I used to say that if I ever had kids,I would treat them like my Aunt treated her kids--with  kindness. They were  precious to her. I always had my Aunt in my mind as I was raising my kids.
 I realize that after all these years, she was always a port in the storm for me ,emotionally.I always  aspired to be like her and it kept me safe. Even though my M cloned me,it only went so far. My GM and aunt always were  beacons.
  I know that I would have never gone this low  if my GM were alive. I got so bad b/c my  emotional world became my M ,and then my H.
  With my Aunt, things are  simple. She was telling me about s/one. She said that the girl did not have enough 'self". My Aunt knows that you need" enough" self. It is not "bad" to have "enough self".
  She was telling me about my M. She said, "Your M does not trust herself.."She said that you have to KNOW who you are, be honest with yourself,  and trust yourself.
   My Aunt would  never  need  a therapist. She simply "is" what she is. She does not have to be "more" or "less". She just" is'.
  Thank you for listening .                   Love  Ami
 

 
 

[lighter]

Ami.... I know you're in crisis.

I know your life is uncomfortable and you're searching for ways to grow and feel better.

You seem to experience very dramatic emotional levels, which is understandable, but it's always over insights you've discovered over the last 6 months or so.  You can get the same information from 10 different sources... and it's still the same information. 

Then your off to your next depression, bout of dispensing advice or making shocking, yet familiar, insights you've had 10 times before. 

Can you stay with something long enough to internalize it..... just a bit?

From here it seems like your twising from a rope, attempting to take pressure off yourself, which is what everyone does.

Taking pressure off, in the moment, isn't healing. 

From here.... it looks like you're creating drama, the chemicals that go with perhaps.... to elevate yourself out of your depression and unhappy situation as a matter of habit?

Of course, I can't be sure but with every post of yourse I read, I feel this way to so degree. 

From hereisn't the best vantage into your life..... I realize that.

btw... I'm surprised you thought your Aunt's response "Ami, that's silly" as a beautiful and simple response to sharing feelings of almost having lost your mind. 

[Ami]

You call that "uplifting"---?

[lighter]

::going to check thread title::.

I'm sorry, Ami..... did you make a request for uplifting responses, only?

I'd call my response an honest observation.

[Ami]

Gotcha---------Noted.

[Ami]

I feel like I can "think" now. I feel like the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz.He got "oiled" and he could walk. I really feel like I  can think with my own brain.I feel like I have been "unfrozen"
  I told my Aunt that my F was a "nut" ,too . I was surprised to see it.She laughed. She "knew' that he was a "nut" .
 My M's B is a "nut" ,too. The only sane one is my Aunt.My Aunt has three great kids who love her and  she loves them. Her life "worked" b/c her thinking was "sane"
  I told her that after all this time, I was really O.K..
 

[wiltay]

I'd call my response an honest observation.

Lighter, I'd call your response a load of toxic waste.  Been saving that up, have you?   

[alone48]

Ami,

Your aunt sounds like a terrific lady, we all need someone like her in our lives. That safe harbor where you can go when all else is turmoil. I'm so glad you have her.

[Ami]

Dear Alone,
 Thank you for your kind words. You really got the 'spirit' of my thread            Love   Ami

[Hopalong]

Sometimes, when traumatized people hear exasperation, they can miss the information.

I have belatedly realized that some good people who got annoyed with me actually were giving me a gift.
(I used to only hear the annoyance and promptly go deaf.)

xo
Hops

[Ami]

Women. women,women.

[lighter]

I'd call my response an honest observation.

Lighter, I'd call your response a load of toxic waste.  Been saving that up, have you?   

Oh dear.

Saving up, lol?

I've been consistently posting frank observations to Ms. Ami, since June or July of this year. 

You may not agree with them, but.....

I'm certainly not guilty of saving it up.

 

[wiltay]

Lighter, you've been making personal attacks against Ami for THAT long?  I see, so you just have a constant supply of bile then.  IME when people are chronically " annoyed" with other people they are not dealing with their OWN  issues very well.  Hops, it sounds to me like you expect Ami to be grateful for getting dumped on.  Ami gives nothing but love, respect and kindness to everyone, some things you might want to try working on harder yourself, Lighter.
Bill

[lighter]

Pot.

[changing]

Hi-

I am eternally grateful to both Ami and Lighter for their help  in a very tough situation. They are both lovely people with very different communication styles and often points of view, both exceedingly valuable and remarkably alike when one boils things down, and I admire them. They have both proven their sincerity and great worth through their consistent support and hard-won honesty, and I am absolutely certain that they both wish each other the best in life and in battling the N demons. Both are passionate about the truth and about the value of their friends on the board, and do whatever they can to give others the insight from their unique vantage point. It is easy to have misunderstandings in this type of linear communication and I often read my own posts and hope that an incorrect motive is not inferred due to the writing style, etc.

I think that when an opinion is offered on this board by a sincere person, it can be correct, incorrect, hit the mark in terms of understanding, or miss it completely, but if it is not a personal attack, it can be "composted" as Ami says, at will, without recriminations on either side. Sometimes I get advice or a wakeup call that I don't understand or want at that moment, sometimes just a ridiculous admonition by someone who is unqualified or off-base, etc. Later I can come to see the wisdom of the opinion offered, or the composting process is completed! Still, it can be valuable to examine my thoughts and actions in any case. I think Ami's Aunt would understand.

Love,

Changing