My Aunt

[Gabben]

  IME when people are chronically " annoyed" with other people they are not dealing with their OWN  issues very well.  Hops, it sounds to me like you expect Ami to be grateful for getting dumped on.  Ami gives nothing but love, respect and kindness to everyone, some things you might want to try working on harder yourself, Lighter.
Bill

go Bill

Lighter,

I get where you are coming from and I can't judge because I too have been there. I used to criticize others under the guise of carring. I found it easier to look outward and seek other targets than myself. I understand...Everyone is here for you and AMI.

[Gabben]

Hi-

I am eternally grateful to both Ami and Lighter for their help  in a very tough situation. They are both lovely people with very different communication styles and often points of view, both exceedingly valuable and remarkably alike when one boils things down, and I admire them. They have both proven their sincerity and great worth through their consistent support and hard-won honesty, and I am absolutely certain that they both wish each other the best in life and in battling the N demons. Both are passionate about the truth and about the value of their friends on the board, and do whatever they can to give others the insight from their unique vantage point. It is easy to have misunderstandings in this type of linear communication and I often read my own posts and hope that an incorrect motive is not inferred due to the writing style, etc.

I think that when an opinion is offered on this board by a sincere person, it can be correct, incorrect, hit the mark in terms of understanding, or miss it completely, but if it is not a personal attack, it can be "composted" as Ami says, at will, without recriminations on either side. Sometimes I get advice or a wakeup call that I don't understand or want at that moment, sometimes just a ridiculous admonition by someone who is unqualified or off-base, etc. Later I can come to see the wisdom of the opinion offered, or the composting process is completed! Still, it can be valuable to examine my thoughts and actions in any case. I think Ami's Aunt would understand.

Love,

Changing

I'm taking notes of diplomacy lessons from you, Changing.

[paps]

You are stirring the pot Gabben.  Ami said IT'S OVER.  Lighters intentions were good.  Sometimes people need to see what they won't look at to heal. Let them work it out.

[Ami]

Please,with all due respect, don't say that to Lise b/c I really could use a 'friend'.I am feeling very vulnerable, to tell you the truth.               Thanks   Ami

[Gabben]

 


I'll provide some examples for my original response to you and hope you take away something of value. 

You may be dependent on drama, to some extent.  You may need to get past that, or not.  Not sure but here are some of your Thread Titles, that raise my radar about such things, as follow:


Is It Really O.K. to Let N Thoughts and Emotions Just Go By--Part 4
Watching the "Layer of Selfishness " Go By
Beat Up, Wrung Out, Exhausted---I Can't believe How Much I Hate Myself
I am Afraid of My Emotions and Afraid of My Thoughts
How Do You Love Yourself When You Think N Feelings and Thoughts?
I am so used to abuse that I don't even see it anymore
Loving Myself------ very "weird"


If I'm wrong... composte away, as you suggest to others on the board.

Makes sense to me.

In the meantime..... I'll continue to post as accurately as I can, which isn't easy, if you want the truth. 


((Shunned,)) sorry the disagreements are so painful for you.  I apologize, for my part.

This really hurt for me to read and I practically had tears in my eyes for Ami.  

Lighter,

Ami is suffering and trying her hardest to heal. That is more than most people. in this world. The very fact that you needed to take her posts and practically wring her out in shame angers me.

This is HER process and until we walk in someone else's shoes we are not to judge. Some of us have more wounds than others and some of us are at different stages.

Question: even if there IS truth to your insights is it really effective to communicate them to Ami the way that you have?

WE who have had our voices squished, stomped, rejected, so on and so forth the last thing we need is to be further squished.

My T lets me rant and rehash and rant and rehash, she knows that under my layers is a great deal of hurt and a head full of N crap that my mom gave me.  

We let go of things when WE are ready not when others tell us to.

Lise

[Ami]

Thank you ,Lise

[Gabben]

You are stirring the pot Gabben.  Ami said IT'S OVER.  Lighters intentions were good.  Sometimes people need to see what they won't look at to heal. Let them work it out.

Hi paps,

I have not had chance to get on this board for awhile and read. Ami is someone who reaches out to me when I am hurting and we seem to have connected well. I could not read through her thread without expressing my emotions. Sure, I may be stirring the pot but I know that Ami would value my input here.

Lise

[wiltay]

Very well said, Lise.  This is exactly the way I see it too. 

[Iphi]

Well I wasn't sure about posting on this topic, since it's a minefield around here and I want to keep all my limbs virtual and otherwise, but... Ami I think your posts nail the emotional reality of the ACON situation time and time again, including the titles.  It is not my perception that your approach to topics is drama dependent, but I suspect I have a different way of measuring drama dependence based on my quixotic personal experience.  

Further, practically everyone here, certainly including me, (and everyone in my real life as well) could be construed as being 'stuck' at where they are.  You and I and everyone are where you are and you can wish yourself elsewhere, but you have to walk every step of the road.  I can't hop skip and jump around.  Or, in the words of a quote I found very inspirational a few years ago "If you have fallen down in the mud, you can't get up off the floor of the Taj Mahal.  You have to figure out how to get up out of the mud, because that is where you are.  When we slip in the Taj Mahal, we will have the luxury of getting up off of marble floors and won't we be special then?"

When there is an emotional charge attached to an issue, then I find I just need to go through it until the knot is untied and the charge is dissipated.  If Ami needs to post 50 posts meditating on different aspects of caring relationships and how that looks to the outsider and where she's been and where she is and where she's headed, then that's fine with me.  I mean, is there a cap on that?  

For me, I have spent major time focused on one or some set of things in past.  I filled a jumbo journal at the time I had emotional flooding 10 years ago - all on one subject.  And I talked the ears off of several unfortunate and patient individuals.  Eventually I moved on.  Eventually I was done.  Eventually I consolidated the learning and had a radically different perspective than before.

Now besides that, I will wave a red cloth around and declare that I disagree with every single person here.  Yeah that's right - all of you.  Whaddya think of that huh?  

All I ask is for a 10 minute head start and a rental car with a full tank.  Thx!

[Ami]

Thank you ,Iphi.I know that I am learning some big lesson ,here. What it is exactly----I don't know      Ami

[Ami]

Dear Bill, Lise, Iphi,
  Thanks for your  caring responses.One thing about the board,it always teaches you "new" lessons. My new one for now is that until Dr G kicks me off ,I have to keep trying to find my voice in the best way that I know how.
  I am sure that my "going over the same thing"again and again gets annoying. Obviously,I am not TRYING to be annoying. I am simply just trying to "swim" to the surface under the  layers of lies.
 I have a passion to get there. It is my overriding passion.
  I apologize,in advance, for any annoyances I provide.
  If I were on the outside looking in,I may get annoyed to.
  I understand.
  However, I think that I must simply go forward,as I am.
  Of course ,no one has to read . Maybe I will even beat the record of an old "poster" who posted all his threads and was the ONLY one who answered them all( lol)                      Ami
 

[alone48]

Ami,

One of the main reasons I like posting here is because my friends are tired of hearing about N. I felt safe rehashing emotions, trying to sort them out and such. Like I've said before I always try to be the peace maker, but I truly respect you and most opinions that I have read on this board. Those I don't, I dismiss and move on. Truly I know myself, I just need a sounding board and opinions of others help. Keep on rehashing, that's what will get us to the other side. I'm right there with you.

[Ami]

Thank you so much, Alone. It means a great deal to me.            Love  Ami

(((((((((Alone)))))))))))

[Ami]

I guess that I learned the lesson that I HAVE to have the me that is "me" whatever stage I am in-- no matter if anyone else "likes" me.
    It is like that poem--- about "walking in your own way". That is another part of the lesson. You can't count on "popularity".
  It is about defining your core. You hope s/one will come along,but it may not happen and then--you STILL need to go forward. Probably ,as you keep walking, you WILL  not be alone but you have  to be WILLING to. That is the key,I think.                   Love  Ami

[seasons]

Loving Ami and Loving Aunt, a gift of love. (((seasons)))