what I've loved most here

[Hopalong]

A flow of friendship, mutual respect, empathy. Joyful recognition and welcome
of so many voices, the familiar and the new. Delight in logging in, eagerness to read.

Though some surge and ebb, no single voice hogging the space, but a sense of
community, balance. Room for all to breathe, to speak, to vary, to believe or not believe,
to find their own distinct voice, their faith in the value of their own lives, to see how the
dark and decay of the past can be mixed with fresh earth to create sweet soil, and...blooms.

Hops

[changing]

Yes Hoppy- and your wise voice.

Love,

Chaging

[Dismayed]

I'd never heard that there was a term for it. Apparently because women and girls don't outright bully, so another term for the behavior was devised. It's a big deal. You have seen it in action. I'm glad society realizes it's a bigger problem than just the schoolyard bully, but that it's equally in play as adults is disappointing.

From Wikipedia:

Relational aggression is a term used to describe psychological (social/emotional) aggression between people in relationships.

Relational aggression is a form of aggression where the group is used as a weapon to assault others and others' relationships. It uses lies, secrets, betrayals and a host of other two-faced tactics to destroy or damage the relationships and social standing of others in the group. Also known as covert bullying, social aggression, 'female' bullying, or family bullying and it is a cruel, cunning, and covert form of aggression.


It is often associated with girls and female cliques in schools.  Grown women and men also commit relational aggression in spousal, familial, sexual, social, community, political, and religious settings ~ and the internet community!



It would be a different community right now without the 'PM' workings that would appear to be the tool of 'The Game' that is being played.  Divisive factions and gangs in the playground lapping up the drama not caring when a previous friend in the community is hurting and crushed, now excluded and isolated, a shunned target.



True sense of real community has a voice in common that's true (unity).


Hopefully one of integrity.


Guided by commonsense.

[Overcomer]

Hops-I agree.  For the most part this board is wonderful.  You and I have seen people come and go and we have also seen the occasional outbursts and in fighting-but for the most part we are a wonderful group of people.  I remember getting on and being overwhelmed by the number of people to keep track of and I still do but there are a few who resonate with me and you are one of them-I have your picture in my minds eye.

[lighter]

Yes yes yes, Hops.

When I first came here, I couln't keep any of the posters straight..... couldn't begin to see who was coming from where or make sense of written words.  So confused.  So lost.  So shocked and in pain.

Then, one poster reached out.... can't even remember her name.  So sorry about that.  Is she even still here?  I don't think she is.... she reached out and touched my shoulder..... just stopped the rocking so my face stayed above water.  

It was enough.

I gained the ability to focus again.  I started to learn and I remember the day I got my voice back.  

I think it was CB who was the catalyst?  She was hurt and confused about a post of hers hanging there, no responses.  It had happened to her before.... she wanted to know WHY?

I said I felt like someone who didn't have enough status or experience on the board to post an opinion where there are so many regulars..... I didn't feel comfortble venturing into those waters.

I received validation and 'permission' from her and many others...... I was welcome to post my feelings.  I was welcome to be heard.  It was a revelation bc I was quite timid to post for a long time.  I remember that day and I remember flipping that switch ON.  I didn't realize it would touch my life in so many ways.  

Unexpected gifts out of strife.

I haven't waivered, in many ways, since.  What an extraordinary gift...... to have my voice handed to me.... unexpected and over something that had nothing to do with me?

 It DID have something to do with me bc she was expecting our opinions... our input.... our feelings and attention.  As part of the group..... I found I counted and there was a certain responsibility that went with that and I count on it too.  

Now, when new people come..... I sit back and I'm prepared to be amazed.  I'm no longer surprised when they rise up, change direction, become empowered...... change their destinies.  

It's sometimes like being in a magic circle where amazing things happen... like we're playing with alchemy.  Things happen here bc we receive a hand up, benefit of experience and the wisdom to see ourselves through the eyes of those who have gone before.

If nothing else..... I get to hear the truths of people who see where I've been and where I might go.  

An eagerness to log on?  Yes yes yes: )

[Sela]

What a lovely post Hops!

I like the way you've pointed out so much that is good.  I like this place a lot too (even when I can't get here too often....I think of people here and keep you all in my prayers.....which sounds silly ....almost).

CB!  Hiya!  Good to see you!  Hope things are going well for you.

Lighter, your voice is very familiar to me.  Like being in a "magic circle"?  Very nice.  I like that.

OC, how are you?  Good I hope!  So glad you're still here.

Dismayed,

not caring when a previous friend in the community is hurting and crushed, now excluded and isolated, a shunned target.

Your voice is familiar too.  It sounds like you are feeling very left out and alone, small and unwanted.  I'm sorry to hear that and I know what that feels like too.  It's not nice at all.  I hope you will come back.....maybe choose a new name and try to use your voice again. I hope things will get better for you.

Sela   

[lighter]

Lighter, your voice is very familiar to me.  Like being in a "magic circle"?  Very nice.  I like that.

I plan on picturing us sitting round that fire...... making ritual of giving each other a voice when I log on. 

Right now.... I think the image will always include a pitch black night....... but I look farward to springtime clearnings in the dell bonfires too.  With a flower lined spring and rocks to play on. 

[Dismayed]

Dismayed,

not caring when a previous friend in the community is hurting and crushed, now excluded and isolated, a shunned target.

Your voice is familiar too.  It sounds like you are feeling very left out and alone, small and unwanted.  I'm sorry to hear that and I know what that feels like too.  It's not nice at all.  I hope you will come back.....maybe choose a new name and try to use your voice again. I hope things will get better for you.

Sela   

~ Sela ~

My voice has never been present here before rather I posted as a Bystander a Silent Witness as I could SEE the game against an innocent
who despite it all, bravely with peace and wisdom rose above it all and soared like an eagle with wings of her own 'Serenity'.

Such inner beauty is a wonderous thing to SEE and a privilege as an observer.

That she guard her heart from the arrows of envy is my wish.


Sela ~ you are a genuine person with a good pure heart.



True sense of real community has a voice in common that's true (unity).

Hopefully one of integrity.

Guided by commonsense.

[Hopalong]

Sound, sane, sensitive, silly, savvy Sela.

((((((((((((Sela)))))))))))))

YAY.

xo
Hops