"I would like a good, responsible, reasonable, truthful response to the difference of (simply) a Christian really loving God/Jesus and a Narcissist who is incapable of love."
Hi Izzy,
This is a really good question and I hear your frustration with the N or person who claims to be a Christian but is incapable of love.
However, I'm not sure if I completely understand -- I don't think that it is always so black and white.
My mom was a church N - she took my sister and I to church every sunday but she was the least Christian person in her actions or her capcity to love that I knew.
So why did she go to church?
M. Scott Peck, in his book People of the Lie says that a good place to look for evil is in the church.
Two predominate characteristics of evil are:
Scapegoating - not taking responsibility for their actions.
and
Disguise (in my opinion is the best classification for evil)
Evil N's love the disguise of Christianity because it helps to force out of their mind the reality of there own sinful nature and helps to paint an illusion or deceptive image that they are OK to the world from whom they are hiding from.
There is one pain that a N's can't stand in life it is the pain of the sense or awareness of there own wrongs or humanity. They can't admit that they are imperfect.
Part of the reason that people in AA laugh at themselves so much is because it serves as a healer and brings a great sense of relief that we are not alone in our past shameful behaviours. To be able to laugh at ourselves is a huge sign of health and growth.
That is part of why this posting brings relief to me, because I constantly hear my mom's voice in my head saying"
"how dare you make a mistake"
"what were you thinking, you little turd"
"how could you be so stupid and make so many mistakes?"
"when will you ever learn?"
"If I told you once I told you twice - you should know by now!"
This kind of verbal abuse over a period of ones childhood and life time can create deep (deep because the N will not even be aware of their pain) shame and anger which the N will want to cover over with a guise of pretend goodness.
One more thing,
Christ was a very assertive person, he spoke with boldness and authority. He was not shy about expressing his anger with sinners. He did all of this with great love though...something that I cannot admit that I have always or often done --very hard.
Hope this helps,
Lise
