Verbal Abuse

[Leah]

Verbal Abuse – The Characteristics

Verbal abuse is a very common malady that attacks every human being at some point in their lives; some more than others.

It can be a very devastating form of abuse when the person experiences the attacks frequently.

Verbal abuse cannot be readily seen like bruises, but it causes mental and emotional harm.



Characteristics Identifying Verbal Abuse are, but not limited to:


-  Always referring to the opinions of others as irrelevant and wrong.

-  Inconsideration of a person’s feelings.

-  Using verbal abusiveness jokingly.

-  Refusing to listen to others.

-  Using accusations and blame to manipulate and control others.

-  Being judgmental and critical of others.

-  Belittling the concerns of others.

-  Consistently berates a person’s confidence.

-  Threatens to do physical harm.

-  Name-calling.

-  Purposeful cancellations of appointments or agreements.

-  Making difficult or impossible demands on others.

-  Denial of perpetrating the abuse.

-  Causing fear in people through outbursts of rage.



Verbal Abuse – Avoiding Depression

Sometimes words are used harshly by people without realizing how hurtful the words sound. A daily barrage of hurtful words leads to depression, which is very common in an abusive situation.

Avoiding depression can be accomplished when steps are taken to dispel it. Inactivity of one’s situation breeds depression. Here are some active steps people can take to counteract the effects of depression brought on by verbal abuse.

-  Realize that abuse is not your fault. Abuse is never justified.

-  Discuss the unacceptable behavior with the abuser. Let the abuser know how much the harsh words hurt.

-  Discuss ways both people can change to improve the relationship.

-  Seek counseling: whether it is together, separately, or individually.

-  Surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, church group, etc.

-  If the verbal abuse becomes physical, personal safety is imperative. Leave the volatile situation and allow time for cooling down.

-  The person dealing with depression due to verbal abuse must stop blaming him or herself for the problems.

-  At the moment of being verbally abused, remember to:

-  Stay calm. Do not become agitated.

-  Let the abuser vent. He or she will lose steam and may realize the person refuses to become a victim of their abuse.

-  Do not reward the abuser by reacting to their actions with hurtful responses.  Lashing out lets the abuser know they had power in affecting the person’s emotions.



http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/verbal-abuse.htm



What are some tips for dealing with verbal abuse?

Here are some tips for dealing with verbal abuse:

Remain calm and choose words carefully. A hurtful word becomes a destructive weapon, and our first reaction is to retaliate with hurtful words. Speaking good and uplifting words back in kind, will bring confusion to the abuser. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Breathe life-giving words.

Control your emotions. Do not lash back with more of the same emotions that are coming at you.

React with wisdom, not with feelings.

Guard your heart. Do your best to not take the hurtful words personally.

Understand abuse. Verbal abuse makes a person feel unloved, unwanted, unnecessary, and unworthy.

The abuser must destroy the person’s self-esteem to make them feel more powerful and in control. When in actuality, it is the abuser who is the insecure one. The abusive patterns are the abuser’s way of regaining security.



Concentrate on who you are to God.

>  God created me (Psalm 130:13-18).

>  I am not alone (Deuteronomy 31:6).

>  I am loved by God (John 3:16)

>  I am not afraid (2 Timothy 1:7)

>  I can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13).

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable
and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise"

(Philippians 4:8



Just found the above article, as led, and it has greatly encouraged me on my chosen walk ahead along the path of my new life.  Right now, it has affirmed and validated how I now choose to deal with any form of Verbal Abuse that comes along my path.

Because I refuse to allow anyone to abuse me in any form, after having recovered and healed from abuse; from girlhood through to womenhood.

Sincerely hope this is of help to someone else too.


May God Bless You All

'Shalom'

Love, Leah

[isittoolate]

lighter

Izz... do you suppose Bill sees the irony involved in making accusations....

then turning around and making accusations? 

The list says name-calling is verbal abuse. AHA!

[Certain Hope]

Thank you, Leah.

I used to think that I would have preferred verbal insults in childhood over the odd mixture of stony silences and sarcastic, mocking, un-humor....

it all hurts and there's nothing whatsoever edifying about it.

I dunno about the part of your posting which suggests letting the abuser vent...
I mean, he/she can vent in a room all alone, as far as I'm concerned, but I'm not sittin around to hear it, you know?

Keeping a good, longggg distance from rage-full, spite-full, pride-full folks...

With love,
Carolyn

[Leah]

Thanks, Carolyn,

I dunno about the part of your posting which suggests letting the abuser vent...
I mean, he/she can vent in a room all alone, as far as I'm concerned, but I'm not sittin around to hear it, you know?

Well, I was not sure about that one either but I took it to mean as in written form i.e. perhaps on a forum or suchlike.

The entire posting is as per the article that I came across earlier on the website link.

I wouldn't sit around listening to someone verbally vent either -- not after a lifetime of it.

Keeping a good, longggg distance from rage-full, spite-full, pride-full folks...

Me too, Carolyn, very much so, much prefer gentleness, genuine people, with some clear vision and wisdom.


May God bless you and your family.

With love & a hug,

Leah

[Leah]

Verbal Abuse – The Characteristics

Verbal abuse is a very common malady that attacks every human being at some point in their lives; some more than others.

It can be a very devastating form of abuse when the person experiences the attacks frequently.

Verbal abuse cannot be readily seen like bruises, but it causes mental and emotional harm.



Characteristics Identifying Verbal Abuse are, but not limited to:


-  Always referring to the opinions of others as irrelevant and wrong.

-  Inconsideration of a person's feelings.

-  Using verbal abusiveness jokingly.

-  Refusing to listen to others.

-  Using accusations and blame to manipulate and control others.

-  Being judgmental and critical of others.

-  Belittling the concerns of others.

-  Consistently berates a person's confidence.

-  Threatens to do physical harm.

-  Name-calling.

-  Purposeful cancellations of appointments or agreements.

-  Making difficult or impossible demands on others.

-  Denial of perpetrating the abuse.

-  Causing fear in people through outbursts of rage.



Verbal Abuse – Avoiding Depression

Sometimes words are used harshly by people without realizing how hurtful the words sound. A daily barrage of hurtful words leads to depression, which is very common in an abusive situation.

Avoiding depression can be accomplished when steps are taken to dispel it. Inactivity of one’s situation breeds depression. Here are some active steps people can take to counteract the effects of depression brought on by verbal abuse.

-  Realize that abuse is not your fault. Abuse is never justified.

-  Discuss the unacceptable behavior with the abuser.    Let the abuser know how much the harsh words hurt.

-  Discuss ways both people can change to improve the relationship.

-  Seek counseling: whether it is together, separately, or individually.

-  Surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, church group, etc.

-  If the verbal abuse becomes physical, personal safety is imperative. Leave the volatile situation and allow time for cooling down.

-  The person dealing with depression due to verbal abuse must stop blaming him/herself  for the problems.

-  At the moment of being verbally abused, remember to:

-  Stay calm. Do not become agitated.

-  Let the abuser vent.  He or she will lose steam and may realize the person refuses to become a victim of their abuse.

-  Do not reward the abuser by reacting to their actions with hurtful responses.  Lashing out lets the abuser know they had power in affecting the person’s emotions.



http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/verbal-abuse.htm



What are some tips for dealing with verbal abuse?

Here are some tips for dealing with verbal abuse:

Remain calm and choose words carefully. A hurtful word becomes a destructive weapon, and our first reaction is to retaliate with hurtful words. Speaking good and uplifting words back in kind, will bring confusion to the abuser. The power of life and death is in the tongue. Breathe life-giving words.

Control your emotions. Do not lash back with more of the same emotions that are coming at you.

React with wisdom, not with feelings.

Guard your heart. Do your best to not take the hurtful words personally.

Understand abuse. Verbal abuse makes a person feel unloved, unwanted, unnecessary, and unworthy.

The abuser must destroy the person’s self-esteem to make them feel more powerful and in control. When in actuality, it is the abuser who is the insecure one. The abusive patterns are the abuser’s way of regaining security.


Personally, I feel that verbal abuse is insidious and unacceptable, and assuredly, I won't accept any form of abusive behavior to enter into my heart, therefore, permission to enter 'into' is refused.

Love to ALL

Leah

[Ami]

I guess the good use of getting triggered is realizing who was the ORIGINAL person cuz we are just voices in the computer. I am facing another part of my M and I really, really hate it.
 I have faced two other parts ,recently and it helped. Once I faced the same qualities in my M, the person did not bother me, any more.    Ami

[Leah]

I am writing for clarity of understanding and awareness, for the purpose and desire of being equipped with life's necessary tools for application out in the big arena of life in general.   

Life is out there, waiting, I never desired for one single moment that my life ought be centred around any message board.

I am so aware of the importance of the need to refuse unhealthy intrusions (as in abusive behavior) to enter 'into' my heart.

My mind is a garden and I desire that flowers grow, not thistles and thorns.

This is quite simply my heart felt desire and need to grow further on life's wonderful journey ahead, as I am aware that the answer lies within.

Love to ALL

Leah x

[Leah]

I guess the good use of getting triggered is realizing who was the ORIGINAL person cuz we are just voices in the computer. I am facing another part of my M and I really, really hate it.
 I have faced two other parts ,recently and it helped. Once I faced the same qualities in my M, the person did not bother me, any more.    Ami

Hi Ami,

Is is amazing how certain events unfold a realization or an awakening of something that is so important to our personal healing journey.

Which part of your M are you facing at the moment, if you wish to share.

I know how much it hurts when the awakening or realization occurs, I felt sickened to my core, earlier today.    I had to deal with another area last night, something that I had buried since childhood.

Love to you,

Leah

[Ami]

You are so sweet to ask ,Leah. I erased my post with the swears on it b/c I don't like to descend that low. I am working on the part of my M which wreaks havoc and destruction on others and THEN skips away with a fake smile, thinking she is jst SO wonderful. It is so hypocritical , so fake, so sick in its deception. I would rather have an outright nasty person than a fake who thinks she is  holy. The deception is the thing that gets me, mainly the persons OWN self deception. She does not fool very many people, some, a few who are  blind , but mainly the self deception . KWIM?     Ami


PS I guess it is NOT up to me to enlighten anyone. It is up to me to be "me". That is hard enough, for sure, Leah. Thanks for asking. It helped .

[Leah]

Characteristics Identifying Verbal Abuse are, but not limited to:


-  Always referring to the opinions of others as irrelevant and wrong.

-  Inconsideration of a person's feelings.

-  Using verbal abusiveness jokingly.

-  Refusing to listen to others.

-  Using accusations and blame to manipulate and control others.

-  Being judgmental and critical of others.

-  Belittling the concerns of others.

-  Consistently berates a person's confidence.

-  Threatens to do physical harm.

-  Name-calling.

-  Purposeful cancellations of appointments or agreements.

-  Making difficult or impossible demands on others.

-  Denial of perpetrating the abuse.

-  Causing fear in people through outbursts of rage.



Verbal Abuse – Avoiding Depression

Sometimes words are used harshly by people without realizing how hurtful the words sound. A daily barrage of hurtful words leads to depression, which is very common in an abusive situation.

Avoiding depression can be accomplished when steps are taken to dispel it. Inactivity of one’s situation breeds depression. Here are some active steps people can take to counteract the effects of depression brought on by verbal abuse.

-  Realize that abuse is not your fault. Abuse is never justified.

-  Discuss the unacceptable behavior with the abuser.    Let the abuser know how much the harsh words hurt.

-  Discuss ways both people can change to improve the relationship.

-  Seek counseling: whether it is together, separately, or individually.

-  Surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, church group, etc.

-  If the verbal abuse becomes physical, personal safety is imperative. Leave the volatile situation and allow time for cooling down.

-  The person dealing with depression due to verbal abuse must stop blaming him/herself  for the problems.

-  At the moment of being verbally abused, remember to:

-  Stay calm. Do not become agitated.

-  Let the abuser vent.  He or she will lose steam and may realize the person refuses to become a victim of their abuse.

-  Do not reward the abuser by reacting to their actions with hurtful responses.  Lashing out lets the abuser know they had power in affecting the person’s emotions.

[Leah]

The Power of Words - to Manipulate and Control


How emotional appeals, fallacies, manipulations, disinformation, misdirection, propaganda - defeat our common sense, twist our thinking, and control our behavior.


When people get their own way with others, they generally do it with words. They get others to agree with their point of view, give them what they want, do what they ask.
 
In verbal arguments between one person and another, most people find they always lose, convinced they must be wrong, while others consistently win.

Their logic, their reasons seem so compelling, so powerful, they virtually force others to change their opinions, their beliefs and their behavior to comply with what's being asked. Words written can be even more powerful since the written word is often uncritically accepted as being true.
 
Power is generated by using the words in such a way that they trigger emotional responses in the person who hears or reads them.

These are enormous powers, largely because they are invisible. Others can thus be persuaded, manipulated and controlled without their knowledge.
 
Maybe you just want to take back control of your life.

When you see the manipulations for what they are, their arguments won't be effective any longer.     Their power and control over you will be gone!


Ad Hominem

An argument or verbal attack against the man/woman.  This is a personal attack directly against the person who presents or endorses a viewpoint.   This is often a last resort and referred to as "Poisoning the Well"       It is done with intent for a purpose, to discredit.


Guilt by Association

Very close to Ad Hominem is the Guilt by Association argument or verbal attack.  If someone says; “you sound just like your mother!”  and your mother is unpopular, the attack is directly aimed at making your argument/debate unpopular – because she is!  When someone says; “That is what the Right / Conservatives would say!”  and their argument is unpopular, then the  attack undermines your credibility – and undermines/discredits your voice.