Pulling in to myself.

[mary]

I find myself pulling into myself.  When N husband turns on me I step away mentally.  When I am stuck going out with Nhim and his N mother I find myself totally somewhere else.  They talk about all the "stupid people" and all the stupid drivers on the road and I cant take it..  My mind just cant stand to listen to their intolerance of everyone but themselves.....does this put me in the same league as them???  Lately I am pulling away more and more....like my mind just goes somewhere else while I am with them.  I think it is a survival device but it worries me too.  I have a friend that tells me that I should say to my husband,  "What you are saying is offensive to me and thus I am pulling away from you when you talk like that."  She says I should make him aware of how what he does and says affects me.  She says that I have to do it for the sake of my kids so that they can see me stand up to NDad.  This is not so easy.  Do you ever do what I do?  I just go somewhere else in my mind, or think about things around me ...anything to get away from their conversations that are so negative and hateful of other (lesser) people.  It is my only escape sometimes.

[rosencrantz]

Hi Mary - No, I don't think it puts you in the same league as them.  What you are doing sounds healthy to me, particularly in terms of where you are in your awareness and ability to cope with them.    

You're saying 'I'm choosing not to confront you or try to make you different but I don't and won't agree with you'.

You may choose not to have a voice at the moment, but you choose to have a mind of your own.  If you've protected your mind, you'll have a voice when the time is right.  There are good reasons not to confront them at the moment.

If it worries you, you could make it into a joke for yourself : think of how children put their hands over their ears and make a noise (la, la, la) so they can't hear you when you want them to do something.  Smile at your wise inner child  

Hugs
R

[Lyshorathi]

Mary, I can defiantly relate.  I can't think of how many times I would just shut myself off; I couldn't physically avoid my mother, but I put up a wall between her negative attitude and my mind.  It's definitely a defensive mode, and I agree with Rosencrantz, it's defiantly healthy.  Preserving you sanity is not a bad thing.  

The important thing is, you know you're doing it.  When you reach a point where you need to take a stand, you wont be very likely to just let yourself slip away, because you'll know what it feels like to do so.