Bone's Story

[BonesMS]

Oh no.... that's all you need is mold and mildewed carpet to top off that lingering bronchitis. 

Sorry.... hope you get it all dried out quick.

Thanks, Lighter.

Bones

[Leah]

Another memory has resurfaced.  While I was still a kid, we were in a church kitchen with others preparing a church dinner.  I was told to peel and slice the onions, (without ever being taught how).  Because I didn't do it perfectly like an adult, Nmother started pounding on me, then grabbed the onion, smeared it into my face and rammed it into my mouth and screamed at me to eat it!  No one said a word or intervened.  They just stood there and watched.

Bones

Dear ((( Bones )))

Nthing (refuse to address her as a mother)  ought to have had one of those 'silent bystanders' shove an onion into her mouth.

Best to write it all out, dear Bones.

Thoughts of you.

Love, Leah

[BonesMS]

Another memory has resurfaced.  While I was still a kid, we were in a church kitchen with others preparing a church dinner.  I was told to peel and slice the onions, (without ever being taught how).  Because I didn't do it perfectly like an adult, Nmother started pounding on me, then grabbed the onion, smeared it into my face and rammed it into my mouth and screamed at me to eat it!  No one said a word or intervened.  They just stood there and watched.

Bones

Dear ((( Bones )))

Nthing (refuse to address her as a mother)  ought to have had one of those 'silent bystanders' shove an onion into her mouth.

Best to write it all out, dear Bones.

Thoughts of you.

Love, Leah

Thanks, Leah.

Bones

[Gabben]

At times, I doubt that I'm intact at all.  I feel a deep rage against her years after she's dead and rotting in the depths of you-know-where.

Bones

Hi Bones,

We have never really connected here on the board but I see your name a lot as well as I have tried to work through your story back in December. Today I read again as well as I read most of this thread.

I know that you are on to a conversation about your bronchitis - I hope you are feeling better?


First, you have my sympathy for all that you went through. As I was reading your story I kept thinking about the book A Boy Named "It" Did you ever read that book?  His case was considered one of the top 3 worst cases of child abuse in the state of California, ever.  Your N mom sounded to me to be just about in the same company as his N mom was. The boy in the book, named Dave, turned out to be solid and good person. What amazes me is that you endured years of evil, ,hurt and abuse and yet you seem to me to be good and rational and I bet the only person who has ever really suffered from all that you went through has been you.

The part of the reason I write this is because I can relate, but only a Little bit, to the rageaholic mom part of your story. My mom was a rageaholic too. One of her favorite names to call me was "retard" or "little ungrateful brat."

The above stood out for me on this thread. I too have had to deal with deep rage and anger towards my mom. Anger is an emotion and that has to move or flow. If not properly expressed or experienced at the moment of injustice or hurt, the anger festers and turns into neurosis's such as depression or COD or other pathologies. I am writing this knowing full well just how aware you are of this stuff as well as how you most likely know way more than I do. Back to my point, I have had work through years of anger and bitterness in me. My main problem for years was depression. However, I was also an exercise junkie and a alcoholic so these were other coping defenses I used to keep my anger down.

When I finally gave up these coping mechanisms my anger came up in the form of overly critical thinking of others and passive aggressive sarcasm. In my quest for sanity and to grow in love for others. I had to face the anger in my heart. In facing it I have found freedom, peace and a more loving attitude towards others. Can you relate?

Would it be possible if you can share with me more about your own anger and how you have embraced it as well as how you have coped to overcome.

I hope that I have not written too much about myself here on your thread. If so, please tell me and I will move my post to my own thread.

Thank you for sharing your story. There were many questions that came to mind as I read. I hope to get to know you a bit better here.

Lise

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Lise.

Working through my own anger/rage is an ongoing process.  Some days are better than others so I try to deal with it one day at a time.

I'll be writing more as I feel a little better.

Bones

[BonesMS]

hi bones,

I read your story and saw a very courageous little girl who continued to stand up for herself until the end.  What strength you had and throughout it all you endured. 

I am so happy to know you, and to hear your story and your success.  Congratulations for getting your Master's degree despite it all, you succeeded.  I think you knew all along it was lies, maybe?

love bean

I think, instinctively, I knew the Nmonster was lying all the time.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Bones,
That is trusting your intuition, something your N couldn't take away from you as hard as she tried.  Bones, do you think it remarkable you survived or was there ever any doubt in your mind?  When I heard your story I felt like picking you up - as a small girl - and giving her a big hug, surrounding her with all the love and protection she needed.

bean

There were times I had a LOT of doubts because of having to live in such a hellish situation until I was able to legally escape!

Bones

[BonesMS]

I still have more memories resurfacing.

Bones

[BonesMS]

It suddenly occurred to me, today, that all the idiots who were constantly telling me that I was "retarded wasted space" NEVER GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE LET ALONE GOT A MASTERS DEGREE!!!!!!

Bones