Suggestions from my T

[tayana]

Amber, I haven't talked to Sperm Donor for almost a month.  Wow, time does fly.  I'm considering asking him about this, just to see what he's willing to do.  If he's really looking to be a "dad" or he's just wanting to soothe his guilt.  If it's the latter, I think contributing to his child college education should be sufficient.

I don't know how he'd feel about it.  He tells me he doesn't have any money and is drowning in debt.  Hmm, maybe he should join the challenge my friend and I are doing.

[lighter]

Hey Tay.

Maybe you could venture some research.... before asking sperm donor about money?

What are the laws on child support in your State?


If you have some idea what you'll get.... you can discuss it with him and know what's fair and considered appropriate, right there then and there, WOLF.

That he contribute's a given. 

Not even your choice really.....

It;s not like you're asking for something for yourself, KWIM?

[gratitude28]

Tay,
YES, remain NC with NM.
ABSOLUTELY make the sprem donor help out. And I don't believe he will ever be part of M's life. He doesn't sound like much of a man (I am sorry - don't want to hurt your feelings, but do you think he would be a good example for M??). However, he contributed to bringing M into the world, and he should help support him.
Love, Beth

[tayana]

Beth,

I have remained NC with my mom.  I'm still trying to find out what is going on for Christmas.  I just finished decorating my house today, as much as I'm going to do.  Oh, I forgot, M wants me to hang lights in his window.  I still have to do that.  I'm not really looking forward to it.

As for sperm donor, I don't think he's going to be involved in M's life much.  My gut tells me he's making overtures to make himself feel better.  Like if he offers to be a part of M's life, then it makes up for all the time I never heard from him.  I used to dream he'd come rescue me, actually.  I even wrote him several letters when I was pregnant.  I never heard a word.  I "deserved better" he said. 

I am reluctant to get him involved with anything more than an occasional update about our lives.  Maybe not even that.  I often get the sense that he's critical and unapproving when I've talked to him.  I don't need any more of that.

[changing]

Tayana-

How very far you have come-you have really made a home, and M feels it too (wants to put up lights in his room, etc)  (((((TAYANA))))) Tay you know that I love and appreciate you, and I just have to say that these folks who don't even do the basic decent and legal minimum (NM who does ID theft and undermines instead of supports, Sperm Donor who gives no financial to support Our Tay and M) have no place to criticize you in anything whatsoever! Both of them should be clapped in irons (and would be in the old days)-Sperm Donor owes M financial support, perhaps throughout life! As to his opinions, he can note them on the lower right hand corner of his checks! You are sorting things out now, and I know that you are going on to the next level soon!

Love and Happy Holidays to You and M,

Changing

[lighter]

Changing:

This is brilliant....

"as for his opinions....he can note those on the bottom corner of his checks...."

::nod::


NOT what I was thinking....

but how I hope it goes.

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((Tay)))))))))))

I just can't believe how much you have grown. I am in awe of you.

Love, Beth

[Iphi]

What changing says is absolutely true!  Hear hear!!

[tayana]

Thanks everyone.  I'm not sure how much I've grown, per se, but I don't have panic attacks anymore.  I think that's the medicine though.

Or maybe it's No Contact.

I was just thinking earlier that M hasn't had a meltdown since going No Contact.  We haven't been without a few battles of wills, but no major meltdowns.

Changing, I like that idea, noting his opinions on the checks.  I still haven't made up my mind about that.  I'm worried that could get messy, and I don't want that.

Beth, in awe of me?  Nah.  I haven't done anything special.  Just what I had to do.