Dear Seasons,
It is really funny that you ask this question ,now, b/c I feel like I have s/thing helpful to add based on experience.I have recently forgiven my M, I think.
What happened was that it was NOT a struggle , as I thought it would be and as it always was. What happened was that I saw that *I* could not help my own 'thinking. I saw that I was "drowning" and I could not get out. By drowning,I mean that I could not get up from under 'crazy' thinking(perfectionism, anxiety, depression, distortions, fear(terrible) etc.
I saw that I simply could not help it. I had tried everything and nothing helped( before the board and trying to be fearlessly honest)
So, I had compassion for her brokenness. THEN,it was NO struggle. My heart broke for her .
I saw that she did not try to hurt me on purpose. She was drowning and s/times she had to push me under the water to get a breath.
She had so much shame that she needed me to look good to take some of it away.
The main point that I want to leave you with, Seasons, is that at some point in YOUR own healing,forgiveness of her will just come(IMO),almost effortlessly. IF you have to struggle with it, just keep facing yourself and your own pain. In time, I bet that you will experience what I did. Love to you, Ami
((((((((((Seasons)))))))))))