Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
The concept of evil
Ellie:
MrTraced,
I know what you're talking about. I have spent the past 4 years separating myself and family from my N mom and N dad. In fact I took my stand recently and proved to them they no longer have control and they refuse to admit I did anything! A big thing in our family was to respect the objects in the house, even the house, much more than respect for ourselves. So if it was between a piece of furniture getting damaged or the kid getting hurt - the kid better get hurt!
I took a couple objects my father had made for me - I do not even like them anymore and they remind me too much of him - and I smashed them to pieces, good therapy I must add. Then I cut up a baby blanket my mom made me promise to treasure - it was too old, ratty and rough to use with my babies, and I cut it up into pieces and sent it all back to them stating my independence, proclaiming my family's new life free from their judgement. Actually I just admitted to living a lifestyle they despise - they are fundamentalists and think people are terrible if they socially drink, smoke and cuss. They wouldn't call me to talk about it so a month later I called them. They acted like nothing had happened! So I asked if they received my package and N mom started crying and said she refused to read my letter. It just amazes me that she cries over boken objects, but has no emotions after a 4 year separation of only talking a couple times a year!
I'm working on healing but the questions remain - How can a parent not love their children? I am a parent and I can't imagine doing to my kids what my parents have done. It is unfathomable!
flower:
Hi Everyone,
--- Quote from: Anastasia ---These narcissists will dominate and control your life, try to convince you that they know all the answers only and beat you down when you show any sign of independence.
--- End quote ---
I've found this to be true.
------------------------------------------------------
Thanks so much for your insight and support.
It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiates 3:1
------------------------------------------------------------
mrt:
--- Quote from: Ellie ---MrTraced,
Actually I just admitted to living a lifestyle they despise - they are fundamentalists and think people are terrible if they socially drink, smoke and cuss. They wouldn't call me to talk about it so a month later I called them. They acted like nothing had happened! So I asked if they received my package and N mom started crying and said she refused to read my letter. It just amazes me that she cries over boken objects, but has no emotions after a 4 year separation of only talking a couple times a year!
I'm working on healing but the questions remain - How can a parent not love their children? I am a parent and I can't imagine doing to my kids what my parents have done. It is unfathomable!
--- End quote ---
Ellie,
I think our parents went to the same Narcissist school! They sound just like my parents. Mine are fundamentalists too. (in fact my dad's a minister) Needless to say they don't drink or cuss. Smoking is done in private and hidden from everyone even though everyone knows they smoke. (My parents are southerners - smoking is done on the front porch of the churches down there. But in the Midwest it is a horrible sin! )
:wink: (The next time I run into them I hope I have a beer in my hand and a smoke in my mouth and say a few things that would cause a sailor to blush!) Their thing wasn't possessions. It was Dad's career. We had to protect his reputation at all costs. I was a good son and lived a decent life. They owe me. I could of been sooo bad but I chose to not embarrass them. I kick myself now for being so easy to raise! :wink: :twisted:
Why do they act like nothing is wrong? Why won't they acknowledge that they are/were wrong? Why do they pretend like all is forgiven when you know that this infraction or that infraction will come up in a fight 20 years from now? Why do they not care that you call them a few times a year? Doesn't that bother them? Why doesn't it? I don't get it.
Why is it that they don't get that their interaction with me has become a tired, annoying barrage of snippy little barbs and off hand remarks etc - a laundry list of all the things I've done wrong for the past 25 years to hurt them. Why do they hurt so easily? What's with the crying? Tears of what?? Why is everything held against me? Why can't I make mistakes? Why is everything about them? Why is everything that I've done twisted to make it seem like it was against them when in fact this or that action had nothing to do with them??
My wife and I finally sent them a letter to set up some boundaries. (We suspected them of putting nails in our driveway and phoning all times of the day or night and never speaking! FYI The calls quit the day they would have gotten the letter as did the nails in the driveway. ( My wife works for an attorney and she could really ruin their reputation with a lawsuit or a protective order etc.)) They sent the letter back with the words "Whatever!" on the back of the envelope. (We could see from the roller marks that they had run it through their fax/copier) Ellie, I bet your mom read your letter. She is probably just lying.
What is it about their belief system that made them like they are? Is it that they think they are the "chosen" and just because they don't drink, cuss, etc (fill in the blank) They are God's gift to the world? Do they think they are better than everyone else? Do they think they the only ones going to heaven and the rest of the world is unaware? Do they secretly enjoy their "inside" information and the "heathens" be damned. Where is the love? Isn't love what being a Christian is all about? That's what Jesus taught. They think they are being persecuted for Jesus. ha (It's their wonderful personalities!) (If Jesus was on earth they would look down their noses at him)
I'm done venting. (for now)
MrT
Anonymous:
May I suggest you guys go back and read each and every article on Narcissism by Dr. Grossman. If you will do that you will understand that the Narcissist has such LOW self-esteem that they need us to be the other that they can put down in order for them to feel better about themself. That's why we were all so beated down emotionally by them and still are (if you give them the slightest opening).
And why can you have no contact with them and they act as if they don't care? Because their philosophy of life is, "It's ALL about ME, ME, ME!" I didn't have any contact except for Xmas and birthday cards for 21 years almost from my Narcissistic mother. She has no answer as to why she ignored her only child (me) and her only grandchild (my son). She is now saying she was "scared" to come down to visit and have contact with me. Well, since I told her finally at 36 what I REALLY thought of her when I finally realized she wouldn't come down to visit us (I moved 1,400 miles away so my son would not be exposed to my sex addict stepfather and their craziness on a continual basis), she may have been scared of having to face the truth I told.
All this shows to me is how TRULY WEAK a Narcissist is in ego-strength, and how much they need to put others down to build themselves up. It all makes so much sense to me now. Course, this insight took 50 years...but I finally get it.
And so, again, kids, I say: get the hell away from them if you can't take the kitchen cause the heat from these unhealthy people won't stop until they are 6 feet under, most likely. Remember it is YOUR individual responsibility to take care of YOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH because these selfish Narcissists can't/won't.
Anastasia:
That last bit was from me. I keep forgetting to log in as I am on the phone at the same time. Sorry.
Anastasia
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