After some reflecting, my gut tells me there is something wrong with my brother, which, of course, NM isn't going to share. I've mentioned here before that I think he's having a breakdown - actually I prefer to think of them as "break-through's" 'cuz I believe it's a breakdown of the old defenses which have taken so much energy, and a break-through to the light that a different way is possible. You get so tired of keeping up the old walls - sometimes tremendous stress pushes you to the brink where you have to let go and then, only then, is it possible for a new way to enter your consciousness.
Anyway, I suspect, just based on the way NM talked when I called her back, that she either knows or suspects my brother is having trouble - he isn't bringing his kids by to see her at Christmas, which he always does, he's cut off commun. with me and with our cousins - and that's maybe why she said she "couldn't take it" when I wasn't all happy and cheery. My NM is so good at compartmentalizing - she's always kept secrets, esp. with us siblings. Since my middle brother committed suicide, she may be revisiting that with my younger brother in mind - just her fears, but - I guess those of you who are parents can understand. I'm not making excuses for her, mind you, just being suspicious of her and not using my old stand-by of "it's all my fault".
