Hi,
I actually stopped posting for almost a whole day.
Gee.
I am dopey because I had an anxiety attack. Been so long that I didn't recognize what was happening.
It was just a confluence of things...
I felt the board was suddenly spiraling out of control. So many capital letters. So much yelling. So many tits for tats.
Now, that's a new expression.
I think also I just got overwhelmed, not all of it to do with the board. But with so much turmoil and toxic-sounding (to me) things going on here, it suddenly didn't feel like my warm safe support group friends meeting any more.
I had to pull back (hey, for me, almost-a-day is sort of a month!). Don't have really good conclusions to offer...I realize that I wanted to fix it. And recognized I couldn't. And wasn't really okay with that. Sigh. Homework to do.
Other things were here in 3D land. Sounds silly, but I think realizing my dog may be in her dotage too just hit me and was maybe a symbol of all the decaying, falling apart people in my life. And Sunday is a memorial service for a transcendently kind man from church, so brave with his cancer. Held his hand over the back of the pew a couple weeks back when his morphine pump wasn't doing the trick. He met death as radiantly as he always loved and welcomed everyone. A real loss for our community, and then Sunday night is my women's covenant group, and they've selected GRIEF, and I think I'm afraid of going. I'll go. I love them and it's a commitment.
Other thing is my D is moving very far away right after Xmas and that's sinking in. I'm SO excited for her, and proud of her, and truly happy for her. For me, I think I feel a big loss coming. For all our ups and downs, we've never been farther apart than a few hours' drive, and now she'll be only a flight away. But that's something I'll only be able to do once a year. What a change. But she's calling every day, excited, and we're close during all this, so I'm grateful.
Confronted my out of control snacking. Uggh. But I then decided I would get on the Net and not stop until I found one garment that brings me joy and damn the torpedoes, I'll buy it. My boss gave me a gift card and I bought a beautfiul cashmere sweater in a color called Blackberry....delicious black with deep blue lights. The skirt, well, it's too wonderful. In fact, here it is!
http://artfulwears.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=1&Product_Code=wh_xcvi2711minkpurplecord(This would be my clothing budget for a year, but it made me feel joyful.)
Thanks for listening to a disjointed ramble. Sorry I haven't responded invididually much today, I'd like to. Will catch up.
love and more,
Hops
