what would you do if, the reactions to anything you posted to this group (within boundaries, of course), was not going to have any bearing on who you are as a person, how your day progressed, the destiny of your life....because, the truth is, not one iota of anything anyone here says to you, has to affect who you are as person, how your day goes on, the direction of your life, or anything else, unless....YOU let it.
Think of this place as a "practice" session for how you will relate in the real world. If you wouldn't walk up to someone because they were a certain color, and spit in their face in person, why would you do it here? Is it because of the anonymity?
On the other hand, if you were to be able to say to your Nmother, "I see what your motive is and I don't appreciate it and would like you to stop," why wouldn't you feel bold enough to do that here?
This board is basically what YOU see it as. is this a replacement for your family? Ok, but keep in mind that WE are not those N parents you are dealing with needlessly, that you probably need to enforce NC with. (well at least many of us are not N's)
Is this board a place to "vent" You may want to rethink that idea. Venting results in people being "triggered"
Is this board a place where you are trying to hook up with some nice friends? Be careful, keeping in mind that most of the people here are coming from very dysfunctional backgrounds and have not yet dealt with their own issues.
Is this a place you come to just lurk? That might be your safest bet, unless you have learned to not take things personally.
Is this board a place where you just want to feel free to be "you"....GUESS AGAIN. I have not seen one member on here who, by being "themselves" didn't IRK someone at one time or another. You need to have a THICK SKIN to survive if you are going to "let your hair down" here.
Is this a place where you have come to help others who have been snared by N's? Good on ya, but realize that the victims of N's sometimes can't really come to grips with what is going on, and might just reject your well-intentioned help.
Is this board a place where you want people to trust you and confide in you or at least take your advice? Well, as i see it, it's a "PROVE YOURSELF" proposition with most people. I have told people in pm that they could trust me, and, as of yet, I have not betrayed that trust by posting private convos to the board or anything of the sort. Trust is PROVEN and earned in life and on here.
As I said, this place is what YOU make it to be. The board does not actually have a life of its own, that has the power to DESTROY you, although at times it may feel that way, when you read posts where others begin to "gang up on ya"
My advice to anyone here is, if you cannot NOT take what is said in some posts, as a personal affront meant to annhilate you, then you might want to seek an in-person solution to your problems. It's not for the faint of heart nor the person who hasn't seen a therapist to re-learn or learn what Objectivity and Reality are. You owe it to yourself to live in the REAL 3-D world in a healthy way, before trying to take on text-only pseudoworlds of forums.
Please, just think on it.
~Laura
