I came here to read yesterday and read this from Seastorm:
Some bent and broken people who uncousciously set out to destroy the peop;e who love them the most. What a crazy phenominon. These poor pathetic souls have no empathy and barely a conscouss but appear charismatic and adventurous.
I'd been to church and played or sung all day, then a guy I was friendly with last winter who I really like in many ways he's so clever and charming, but I detached from because of his game-playing & there was too much going on with me to think about it then, he had said something unpleasant- addressed to me, and not only me but the whole room looked at him a bit shocked, they know I've supported him a lot. I wasn't embarassed for me, I was embarrassed for him, that he hasn't learned to rein in his unkindness. I just felt that- he is always going to be miserable until he does, I wonder if he has similar problems to my ex.
Then when I read your words Seastorm, it put me in the right frame of mind to forget that but also to deal with Christmas Day.
My ex can't help these outbursts if anyone gets intimate or certain feelings get triggered.
We had the best Christmas Day ever. Very simple, not a cross word has been spoken.
Interesting though- we were all laughing and opening a few presents and I thought 'wow, we've never done this before' and just about then I could see ex start to get uncomfortable and he said abruptly 'I need a shower' and went off. I guess I would have tried to jolly him into continuing the family thing before, but I just finished spending time with son and didn't think anything more of that either except 'he can't be happy without it feeling uncomfortable'.
Some people are like that- just never satisfied or contented. But with NPD it seems deeper too- people laughing or being cheerful causes some kind of ego-wound. It can't be tolerated for long.
Then I come back and again Seastorm you have written:
It is not about N anyway. It is about not having one's needs met as a child and bonding with someone who can't really meet your needs.
That's what's changed. I don't have the N-ness inside my head now, or the parent voices. I'm a grown up woman who can step away from relationships which are not working out.
I used to have a favourite painting 'small girl by a window' can't remember who by, I always identified with it.
~W
