Hops, we took the toy money. I explained to M after he told his Grandma we would visit every Sunday that that wasn't possible. Sundays are always my day to do things around the house, and if we go visit I'll never get anything done. He's okay with that. I'm sort of playing things by ear right now. M had his heart set on visiting with Grandma for a couple of days while I'm at work, and I allowed that. However, the first sign of bad behavior, and we will return to no contact. I have not called to check on him while he's out there with her, as I don't want to invite this calling to check on me nonsense again.
I have refused to discuss school, finances, work, etc. I never told my parents that I now have my promotion and raise, because I don't want to invite more discussion of that. I've kept the subject to very neutral topics, the dog, movies, the weather, etc.
My mother made a point of telling M that he'd fibbed about what she'd told him when she called at daycare. She said she hadn't told him he couldn't come out there anymore, but that was the way he took it, no matter what she said. M very clearly said that the phone at daycare wasn't very good, and that was what he'd understood. I let the subject drop and refused to discuss it further. I could see that my mom was trying to backpedal and make herself look good, and I wasn't buying it.
I'm allowing contact right now, because my mom seems to be behaving and M tells me he had a good time. He said Grandma didn't yell at him and that she didn't bad mouth me. He did tell me this morning that he and grandma had a talk about him having a brother or sister, and that she told him not to tell me about it. Of course, he told me, and we talked about that on the way home last night.
At the moment, I will allow limited contact, allow M to spend a few days with his grandma while he's on break. We won't be visiting every Sunday, maybe once a month or something, but not every Sunday. I'm not going to start calling every evening. I'm not going to invite my mom to call as often as she likes. I'll be polite. I'll be friendly. I'll discuss neutral topics, but I will not allow her to meddle in school, finance, work or any other area like that. The damage has been done, and I won't be her toy any longer. The first sign that M is being used as a pawn, and he'll be going to daycare. No contact will be reestablished, and perhaps will not be rescinded.
