Thought this was kind'a timely

[Leah]

~  Ditto  ~  CB

Truth is though, don't expect a fanfare when going through door after door, from my experience, especially with my new opportunity for 2008, most are somewhat disgruntled by it, however, I chose to give that back to them, as they own the problem, it belongs to them, not be.

Standing back from feelings and emotions really does work for me.

I make no apology for wearing these new shoes, none at all.

All the very best to you for 2008

Love, Leah  (who burned her doormat last year!)

[reallyME]

First of all, am I the only one who tries to read through Lighter's posts and find myself going "HUHHHHHH?" Lighter, you are way beyond me or over my head or something.  You tend to type in rhetoric or whatever it's considered and it seems like a bunch of generalized thoughts that don't have conclusions that I can comprehend.

Maybe it's just ME, but I'd really like to be able to understand what you are trying to say in plain english.


Of the few things you wrote that I could make heads or tails of, here is one

Lighter :

There are rules that bind those who follow rules.

That's the entire problem of the board.  Those who don't follow rules or have any sense of accountability, are plainly evident in their typing.  Many children of N's learned a very distorted view of what the "rules" of relating even are, and some of those people are the adult children posting here.  Is it their fault that they can't handle communicating openly and honestly without running when they are confronted?  No.  Is it their fault that they have defenses built so high and thick that when something happens between you and them, they either blame you or leave?  NO.  It just is the way it is, because of their pasts and never having dealt with them.

If someone chooses not to discuss something they are free to disengage, but to constantly bait and then disengage, well that's just not normal nor healthy.

Anyway, Lighter, maybe you could post a little more condensed or something, I don't know.  I just really would like to be able to "follow" what you mean.

~Laura

[Izzy_*now*]

That's easy rM

Many people are bound by rules,. Let's say teachers and they follow rules.

but there is another rule, perhaps outside the teacher's manual............"Thou shalt not molest the children" .

You dig? There are rules for people who are bound by rules.

Funny! I typed that last sentence very s-l-o-w-l-y.

I should have been a teacher!

xx
Izzy

Oh P. S. There was a warning label.....Most probably difficult to follow....... please just skip if it's going to bother you (general.)

[finding peace]

Lighter,

I am very relieved to know you are ok. 

I was very worried when you left the board abruptly after your H came here.  And then didn't hear a peep.

I understand, I remember thinking at the time that that would be like my father following me here

:::::shuddering at the thought of the havoc he would create here::::::

(((((Lighter))))))

Peace

[reallyME]

People of my past HAVE followed me here and the most fearful thing was, that many on this board, became snowed by them VERY QUICKLY, almost instantly.  For that reason, I wouldn't want ANY of the abusers in your lives to come here.  When it gets down to it, the people who abused you can be so convincing that even people here, who just moments ago seemed to be in your court, can turn on you and join your abuser in a heartbeat.  It's true.  It happened to me.  I was even told "well I told you not to fight back but you did, so you tied my hands," by someone here, and I was thinking "what??? so I BLEW IT...I can't count on this person to be in my court, because I decided not to stay silent and let her fight for me?" 

All I can say, looking back on those days, it was just UNREAL and the people of my past must have had a fun time until people began to slowly catch on that they were supposed to be supporting ME not joining forces with those attacking me.

Just be soooooo careful if your abusers DO find this board.  They know exactly what buttons to push to make you squirm and feel needy of them again and guilty and wrong.  Guard your hearts and trust NO man 100% even on here.

~Laura

[lighter]

Finding Peace.... I'm so sorry to have left you hanging like that.  It wasn't nice but I didn't feel I had any choice (nd I was afraid to tell too many people, so I didn't.)

   I feel bad about that, really.  (((FP))) 




CB,at some point I'll sit down and write a very full account of my wild ride through the legal system.

 So many impossibly bitter pills.... thinking about them now makes me want to curl up on Changing's doorstoop, rock and dream of the changes (he'll be working on when she graduates law school.) I know there are lessons for others...... just not ready to write all that down yet. 

I'm so sorry your attorney wouldn't even allow you to be your own advocate.  It's exactly like you described..... sometimes worse.

Listening to a previously haughty man say "sorry, I was wrong" is cold small comfort when you're lying in the dirt and after he helped put you there..... sabotaging and charging for their efforts. 

Something to be said for peeping up and refusing... absolutely refusing to let people talk you out of being your own advocate.  This subject upsets me so much.... don't want to talk about it any more. 

I hope your H loses interest in you soon.  ::praying for a bubble of protection to envelope you and keep you from further harm::  ((CB))

I'd like an update on your job and prospects, maybe start a thread when you have time?




 



Leah..... hang on to those shoes. 

::resisting urge to sing I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR before someone beats me to it:: 



Doormats.........  bad.







The ability to state, and enforce boundaries......


priceless.



RM..... I know some of my posts are harder to read than others.....  sorry about that. 

Afraid it can't be helped. 

Keep asking for clarification though the only thing I'm sure of tonight is that peanuts do not belong in a pefectly good hot asian snack mix  

Ack.... cashews do not belong either.    The almonds can stay but..... I'd prefer if they didn't.

Very tired but happily eating crunchy munchies with my littlest pup.... had a wonderful afternoon cooking and eating, painting nails and I'm so ready for her to crawl into my arms, curl up and fall asleep. 




 



 

[finding peace]

Finding Peace.... I'm so sorry to have left you hanging like that.  It wasn't nice but I didn't feel I had any choice (nd I was afraid to tell too many people, so I didn't.)

   I feel bad about that, really.  (((FP))) 

No need to feel bad on my account.  I understand completely - I know Ns and what they are capable of.  You have to take care of you and yours first.

((((Laura))))) I have learned quite painfully that Ns are masters at snowing people and believe that this ability is what enables them to continue on their path of destruction.

Peace

[mudpuppy]

Those who don't follow rules or have any sense of accountability, are plainly evident in their typing.

No, the plainly evident ones are plainly evident. The sly ones are much harder to detect.

What does Mud always say?  Sly as a serpent..... harmless as a dove?

But that's a game played by everyone, isn't it?

  It's not original with me. It's one of Jesus Christ's pithiest. And we ignore it at our peril.
This may sound a little harsh but it applies to me at least as much as anyone else here; the harm that has come to me has been when I ignored that saying. It's easy for us to blame the lawyers and the judges and even the Ns when we ignore our gut and do what is expedient or easier or what some expert tells us. But the fact is most of the time we had a feeling what to do and we just didn't protect ourselves. Everybody makes mistakes and trusts someone they shouldn't trust and gets screwed by the system but the fact is a great deal of what happens to us  we could have prevented. God knows I could have with just a little serpent-like wisdom but it was easier to go along to get along.
  It's not a game; it's how to live. If we are harmless as dove without the wisdom of the serpent we are toast. If we are as wise as the serpent without being harmless as the dove we are just one of the predators. As always with Him it is about balance and the eternal things. Telling the truth and following the rules if they are only done to solve our temporal problems will never satisfy. They have to be done because they are right not because they're the most expediant course to winning. If you believe in eternal rewards and punishments you can rest easy knowing doing right is its own reward and while the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike eternity does not. If you don't you live without hope, or at least you should, because hope is in mighty short supply in this world.

mud

[teartracks]

Mud,

I think your reptilian brain is working mighty fine.

tt

[lighter]

  It's not original with me. It's one of Jesus Christ's pithiest. And we ignore it at our peril.
mud

,

I knew it wasn't your original quote but..... I didn't know it was a 'pithiest.' 

Not even sure what that is but..... I got a lot out of your post, Mud.

I used to live my life by the saying.....  "do no harm."

That didn't work out too well for me bc my boundaries weren't being enforced properly.


There are thin lines to tread in this life.

Leanring to assert ourselves,  say.....  with attorney's.... so that they don't slice our throats and serve us up for dinner out of hard feelings and retribution.... is another very thin line we sometimes must tread. 

I was told I'd be pitched to the wolves if I upset my attorney, outright, by more than one person.  I believe my second attorney said it straight out at our first meeting. 

 In one case,  I believe I actually was served to the wolves, and not for asserting myself.  I think my H's lies were responsible for that one.

In the other case..... I danced with the devil and pushed as far as I could before his eyes lit up and his head started spinning

He later told me I was a lot like him and he respected me for standing my ground and taking care of business.... but he also let me know I had to keep him in mind as top dog and not push him too far.  Really.... he said I didn't want him as an enemy.... and I was very verry very careful about not making him an enemy... no it would be safer to say I was living in shock and fear of crossing that boundary with him...and I wasn't sure where the boundary lay. 

But still..... just telling him what I wanted to do could and was seen as a confrontation and it could have gone very badly for me.

He said most of his female clients came to him without any idea about defending themselves.  He had to treat them like children and be their father.... defending them bc they were all...

"whatever will I do?!?!?"

It's a tough spot to find yourself in a position where your attorney is threatening you for advocating for yourself.  They have a formula and a pace they move at.... they give the other attorney and judge just as much weight and more consideration than they give their clients.  They don't do what's best for you.... they have gentleman club rules they extend to each other that trumps their client's claim to them.  It's the truth in my case, if not yours.

High powered attorneys have high powered egos, which can help and hurt us, as well.

It's not like we're out there letting ourselves get pushed around bc we're wet noodles, it's more complicated than that,  IMO.

Thanks for trying to give me a stubby leg up, Mud. 
I hear ya: )



 





 

[reallyME]

Lighter:  used to live my life by the saying.....  "do no harm."

that almost sounds like a wiccan phrase "an it harm none, do as thou wilt."  Problem is, no matter what you do, someone will inevitably be harmed by it if it's contrary to what people consider the "norm"

[lighter]

I guess you may be right about that,  RM.

Tell me.... did you dance around wiccan candles and cast spells under the new moon, when you were involved in that?

you were involved in the wiccan stuff, right?

If that waz someone else, sorry for the mistake.

[mudpuppy]

By "do no harm" I assumed you were referring to the Hippocratic oath.

mud

[reallyME]

ah, true, Mud

I was a witch for about a year, Lighter, but it was not with a coven and it was only a beginning of investigating "the craft."  I have studied it extensively and can tell you that, although I know that witches are not the same as devil-worshipers, I still want nothing to do with that sort of thing.

I did not dance under a new moon, but I did use candles and cast spells.  I have been delivered of and renounced all involvement in that since then.  I was about 12 years old.  I'm 41 now and have lived as a follower of Christ since I was about 16.

~Laura

[lighter]

No, Mud.  I was referring to the way I felt inside and how dependant I was on being nice and helpful, never hurtful.....

to be able to look myself in the mirror and live with myself.