Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Such a graving to be known

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cdnwoman:
I too can relate to everyone here.  I am the youngest of eight children.  Many would think that I am the spoiled one.  Nope, there are countless times when I felt unheard and unappreciated.  My parents are not very affectionate verbally.  When I come to think of it, I never heard them say "I love you".  I have learned to keep my true thoughts and feelings from people, thinking that they will disapprove if I do.  My Mom and Dad would dismiss or get mad if I did try to show my feelings so I learned to keep quiet.

Now in my early 30s, I have learned that all my past relationships have been with men who made me feel the same way.  Unheard and unappreciated.  Once I started to show my true thoughts and feelings, they couldn't handle it and took off.  Either physically or emotionally.  And let me tell you.....that hurts like no other.  My last relationship was with a commitmentphobic so that was a double whammy.  It is good that I am able to recognize my emotional pattern.  Now I have to find ways to effectively process and release it.  To be honest, I am scared.  I can't wait for the day where I feel truly strong.

sjkravill:
Hey all!
First, Hey P!  I typed my name wrong!  I made it too cryptic even for me to remember.  Why on earth did I do that?!
Hey Ellie!  I pay a therapist to be my friend too, because no one else understands me.

Ok, I have been thinking about this thread a little bit.  I have a real tention with a longing to be known and seen and heard, and a fear of that very thing!  While I want to be known and seen for who I am, and heard, and while I desparately want a voice that is respected, I simultaneously fight it.  I have social anxiety.  I tell very few people who I am.  I keep quiet in meetings and in groups.  I try to be as genuine as possible with people, but I think a majority of people think I have it all put together.  

I guess it's probably just a wierd paraxox of voicelessness. Never feeling validated, known, etc. perhaps keeps us from feeling free to express who we are.  We carry around all of this shame and feeling of being unworthy of being known.  I am just postulating here.  Don't mean to speak for anyone else.  I should stop using the word "we."  I think I use it to make myself feel less odd!

Does anyone else who longs to be seen and heard also struggle with this same tention?

peace, sjkravill

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: renee ---Hi everyone,

I too have a craving to be known...seen and heard. Sometimes I feel as though I am invisible.

It seems like the people I meet do not relate to me. I will talk and they'll act like I never said anything. It's very frustrating. I guess I'm not a graceful conversationalist. Or maybe my personality is too weird. I'm not sure what it is.

Sometimes I wonder if I actually spoke the words that were in my head or did I just think I did. I wonder because nobody responds.

I just can't be that invisible can I?

Renee
--- End quote ---


Renee,

This is truly strange. You talk to people who ignore your presence completely? Who are these people? They sound very obnoxious.

bunny

renee:
Bunny,

I own a business with 4 other partners. Three of them are what I call voice hogs. They all talk above each other, interrupt each other and seem to talk in a very free associating style, never seeming to have any real back and forth.

We needed input on a problem one day and I offered my two sense. Then one of the voice hogs said...come on, why won't anybody throw out a number (what to pay our bookeep). I had said a number three times. Maybe these people are hard of hearing....they are a loud sort. I am a quiet, bookish person but not a delicate flower. Maybe I need a fog horn.

My Nmother isn't a loud sort either. But she still doesn't know me. After 46 years she still doesn't know me. I've tried to tell her stuff and be open. She only uses these things to exploit me. I guess I don't let the voice hogs in either. Either don't trust them or myself. Either way, I'm not gettin' heard.

Renee

Patsy:
Hello everyne who replyed to this post and sorry to drag up an old thread..but I have just got back on line and felt the desire to thank you all for your comments.

It has been good to see the empathy and understanding of this topic.
To cut a short story even shorter.. :?
I got out of the relationship (a new one) that was contributing to this feeling when i realised I really WAS being ignored and neglected..It wasn't just in my head!!

I am kind of feeling a little happy with myself that I acted on what I knew to be an unhealthy truth. I think that is one thing we can all expect in a relationship thats a primary one..that we are given an emotional space to be as well as a physical one.

Thankyou all for your comments.. :)

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