This is from a book that helped me when I was in my twenties that awakened me more to the pain of my abandonment. Before I had ever read this book, or began working with a psychiatrist, I experienced the first layer of pain, alone, one morning after a love affair ended.
The pain of rejection was excruciating, I know that others know what I mean, but it was the intense burning sensation throughout my body that caused me to have to take cold showers to cool my flesh, the emotional pain was awful and what made it more awful was not knowing what was causing it. I was physically, emotionally and mentally incapacitated. There was an intuition in me to know enough that the strong pain was out of proportion to the present situation. It prompted me to find my T.
That was over 12 years ago. But even today I hit new layers of distress and ache that feels as if my emotions are burning. I'll post more from this book later.
When I finally did find this book, about 2 years later, I was relieved to read the following excerpt.
From
Necessary Losses By Judith Viorst
http://www.amazon.com/Necessary-Losses-Dependencies-Impossible-Expectations/dp/0684844958What we doubtless do is survive. We surely survive the brief a and temporary absences. But they teach us a fear that may set its mark on our life. And if, in early childhood, most especially within the first six years, we are too deprived of the mother we need and long for, we may sustain an injury emotionally equivalent to being doused with oil and set on fire. Indeed, such deprivation in the first few years of life has been compared to a massive burn or wound. The pain is unimaginable. The healing is hard and slow.
The damage, although not fatal, may be permanent.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I have said before - all mental illness or emotional problems are a refusal to suffer. Lately, I have been penciling suffering into my schedule. It is not the pain that is so bad but rather the
avoidance of real pain that causes the most disturbing pain.
Thanks for reading it feels good to finally share this and get this out.
Lise
