Author Topic: childishness  (Read 1593 times)

Narcltd

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childishness
« on: June 20, 2004, 04:05:37 AM »
My N mother is acting like a little kid at the moment. Speaking to me as if I am a 5 year old. I think this is her way of trying to be caring.
Unfortunatley if I don't play along I am a  " miserable bastard". I am enjoying this phase a bit because in next to know time she will turn on me.
First the deliberate argument that she will engineer and then my dismissal and ignoring me for months, years or until she needs my help with something.
I wish I could get her to see she has a problem, but she is adamant she has not.
I have been told her Mother was the same, but there were no fancy titles for condition's then.
I wish I could help my mother to get some help. Her sister did , she went through therapy and seems to be well now. ( Not that I' ve seen any of my family since 1994.) I have agrophobia and Manic Depression.
She systematicaly fell out with every family member on both side's, My whole family hates her and would not give her the time of the day.
She is also convinced she has lots of friends, me and my father can find no evidence of this. Whoever she comes into contact with, its like she can be nice for a while then she loses interest and dumps them.

Thanks for reading my rant.
Steve.

nassim

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childishness
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2004, 04:41:09 PM »
1) Confronting a personality-disordered person with their behavior rarely leads to the hoped-for results. The PD person has serious cognitive (thought) processing problems fused with their emotional disorders. That means they aren't thinking logically, rationally, and don't draw the conclusions you'd like them to draw. A confrontation traumatizes, shames, and enrages them. So it doesn't work as a strategy to receive remorse or compassion from them. It causes them to regress instantly and viciously retaliate. They aren't able to make the links you want them to make (i.e., their abuse was wrong and had negative consequences, so they should repair the damage).

2) A personality-disordered person regresses at the drop of a hat. They won't announce that this is happening. You'll see it in their immature, irrational behavior. Your mother may turn very quickly into an angry 2 year old. This is why the confronting rarely works. They retreat into regressed states which are quite primitive. Not much can be done with a person in this state.


3) This is incredibly difficult to accept, because we want more than anything for the PD parent to recognize that their behavior was abusive; show remorse; make attempts to repair the damage. They usually are unable to do any of these things to the extent needed.
 
 


This was posted by I think Bunny some weeks ago but I thought it might interest you.

Nassim

Patsy

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Childishness
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2004, 05:41:42 PM »
This is a difficult one when your dealing with a parent.

Really good information there nassim. Once i realised that my parents were really acting like this it became easier to look at their behaviour as theirs, and allow them to accept responsibility for it or not as they chose to, rather then to try and change their behaviour as i was used to doing. Instead I simply keep stating my boundaries as politely as i am able and leave them to deal with their own fallout.

This took a whole load of pressure off me and my kids as I was no longer in "fix-it" mode. The downside (or upside if you look at it that way :lol: )
was they chose NOT to spend time with me. I realised I lost nothing from this except a whole load of unnecessary stress.

What had stopped me from taking this action was the fear of not having them in my life. But when I stopped and evaluated what having them in my life meant..I realised their company was an unpleasant/destructive experience I no longer wanted to have.

Hope this helps... :)

sonia

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childishness
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2004, 11:51:01 AM »
Hi Steve,

I have seen my mother regress so fast it would make your head spin.

It's truly frightening.

Sonia