Can we be like them?

[Lupita]

Dear Hop, with the risk of opening my mouth to change foot, I will talk to you because I consider you my friend and I wish you to keep being my friend. But if I do not tell you how I feel I would be treating you the same way I treat my mother. So, for the first time I am going to tell a friend how I feel.
I started this post with interest in discussing  something that could have been very interesting and still has a chance to be.
Many times when you respond to me, instead of following the topic, as general to everybody, you turn it around as advise directly to me.
I have many threads where I am desperately asking for advise. But I feel invisible when I try to start something interesting and I do not get anything interesting out of me for the rest of people.
When I am trying to become part of the board as a producer of interesting topics, I feel invisible again if the topic is turned around towards me as in a petition for personal help.
Your advise of how to love my self was very nice and I appreciate it very much, but again I feel unimportant. We can start or you or I, a new thread, about that, but this has happened several times. I feel that you see me as a small child.
I know, you are trying to help, and you have been a great help to me all this time, almost a year. But sometimes I wish I was your equal, which is going to take a long long long time, to achieve your wisdom.
Dear, very dear Hopsi, I hope that you comprehend what I am saying and please please please, do not get mad at me, and keep writing to me because I love your answers and advises.
And, again, I do not blame you if what I produce as topic is not interesting. Not at all. I have to be more creative I guess. Or, read more, or who knows. I don’t even know why I want to write something interesting that elicits an interesting discussion.
I love you Hop.

[alone48]

Lupita,

I get your point, civility goes along way, but I wouldn't want to pretend to like someone if it wasn't so. No need to abuse or insult, just don't engage. We have that option, I guess the politicans don't.

[Lupita]

That is my point Alone. Why can we like them?

I never saw brussels brous in my life until I was 28 yo. It tasted awfle to me. My then husband told me that that was a taste that had to be developed.

Now I like them. Same with brokoly and artichokes.

Can we develop a taste for epople who disagree with us?

Now, I do not mean those in the face kind of poeple, who are rude, and judgemental, nobody likes to be judged, or hardly criticized. But it is the same as liking budist, catholics, prebyterians, etc. Different belifs with out disliking each other. I have freidns who are hindu, and like them, still I am Christian and our faith is totally different.

And we are not faking.

I guess, I dont know what I am saying.

Just wish we could have less conflicts in the board. I love this place and I do not like to see good people being attakced, and I dont want to get involed either. I do not want to fight other people's fight, I cant even fight for my self. But wish so much that we can come here and have peace.

This is the only place where I used to have peace.

[Leah]

Tolerance, Diversity and Respect

for all people of the world ........... love it.

Is that what you mean?  Lupita

Leah

[Lupita]

Yes, kind of that. That if we do not like certain kind of posts, we do not go there instead of antagonize and etc. If the perosn disagree, why to keep pounding ob the same thing?
Just tolerate them. Or maybe like them or just ignore them. If we ignore somebody, as long as the person is not doing something terrible, that is not being voiceless.
Prudence does not equal voiceless.

Well, I cam chainging the subject.

To like everybody, act politely, avoid comforntations, unnecessary confrontations. I dont know. Lastworditis, etc.

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lupita,

This is a very interesting topic to me, as I begin to understand more what you are saying.
Please forgive me for being slow in comprehension.

You have me thinking about why I dislike certain people and I see...
it is not because their beliefs are different. No, it is because they try to insist that I adopt their beliefs in order to be considered
a valid human being, worthy of respect.

I will continue thinking on this today and thank you for the opportunity!

With love,
Carolyn

[Leah]

Tolerance, Diversity and Respect

for all people of the world ........... love it.

Is that what you mean?  Lupita

Leah

Oh I meant in general, that we as people, i.e. multicultural, whereby we can interact with one another, regardless of faith for example, as you mentioned you had a fiend who is Hindu.  As I have multifaith friends and acquaintances also.

Hence, I quoted Tolerance, Diversity and Respect.

As people we each are individuals and think differently, but, my belief is that we each have something valuable to bring to the table of life in general.

Love people, all people, don't always like what they do sometimes, as I am sure, they don't like what I do sometimes, either.

That's where a genuine apology mends any bridge in life.

Enough of my 'pollyanna' waffle.   

Love, Leah

[Lupita]

CH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, you just gave me a huge validation. Which in it self is a pain killer. We need to validate our selves. But it is like eating a fudge cake of pleasure.

That is exactly the kind of response I was looking for. Thank you.

Do you want coffee with cream?
No thnaks, I dont like cream.
OK, here is your coffee with cream just like you wanted.

You see my point?

You tell a person I disagree with you, but I respect you. And the person gets either offended, or try to impose her beleifs on you, like the cream.

GF was at my mother's house and my mother said, do you like papaya? she said no thanks. She said, try it anyway, you will like it.

It is the same fundamnet with food and the same fondament with beliefs.

Or like when I say I feel lonely and then I get scolded because I do not want to volunteer.

It is so many things.

Thank you CH. You put in words what I could not. That is why we are here.

That is why when Izzi talked about getting her meds under the snow, I never asked why she did not signed up for home delivery, I knew that she was dealing with that problem for 30 years and offering my idea would be fruitless. I was sure she tried everything before.

Thank you for getting my point CH.

[Leah]

Do you want coffee with cream?
No thnaks, I dont like cream.
OK, here is your coffee with cream just like you wanted.

You see my point?

You tell a person I disagree with you, but I respect you. And the person gets either offended, or try to impose her beleifs on you, like the cream.


Oh, Lupita, absolutely brilliant illustration, I am going to take that on board for reference, thank you.

And I really do get what you and Carolyn are both referring to as well.

Actually, I have that sometimes still in real life, but, seem to be coping well with it.

Bit tired today.   

Thanks, Leah


PS >  How I cope with that now is by standing back from my feelings and emotions, so I don't baited, maintaining being true to mysef, with honesty and straightforwardness, and so, the realization and actualization is that the problem created is thereby owned by the other person, and as such, it is their responsibility, not mine.

[Lupita]

Thank you Lea, and it is the same kind of people who make you try a dish that you dont like, the same kind of people who try to impose beliefs, or pick a fight if you sont agree.

Can we like them, with out fight with them, or ignore the, or just not drink the coffee with out to make them understand theri error?
Do we help when we insist in somebody's deffects? and that persons does not accept, will not change, what do we gain by fighting the unwinnable battle?

[Leah]

Dear Lupita,

How I cope with that now is by standing back from my feelings and emotions, so I don't baited, maintaining being true to myself, with honesty and straightforwardness, and so, the realization and actualization is that the problem created is thereby owned by the other person, and as such, it is their responsibility, not mine.


With regard to the lady who last year insisted I would like to join her club, and, would not hear me, when I explained that I did not wish to, for my own personal preferences and reasons.  Her hobby interest was not my hobby interest.

Then the same lady dictated to me that I should attend her church, but, I stood up for myself and explained in detail, with tolerance and respect for her church choice, how I did not want to attend her church.

The problem was her problem in each case, because, she was the intolerant one, who was legalistic and controlling, and even a bit bullying too.

So I gracefully, with respect, chose to disengage from the lady.

And that has worked out okay, for me, as an independent person.

Life is never easy and straight, because, as individual people, we are all so different, yet, we can get along together, this is possible, if we respect each other's choices in life, hence; tolerance, diversity and respect, one for another.

Otherwise, life becomes a game of power and control, with manipulation, and intolerance.  "Do as I say"  Which is not nice really.

These are just my views and thoughts, that I am sharing, or waffling.   

Love, Leah

[Hopalong]

Hi Lupita,
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to condescend.

I'll go back to your original question, which I think is, why can't we be as polite as the candidates were, even those who likely dislike each other?

I think the answer is in a deep commitment to civility.
I think damaged people confuse civility with weakness.

But to my mind, it's not.

I believe it takes confidence to be courteous.

love,
Hops

[Lupita]

Hopsy Hopsy, thank you, I love you.

No matter what you do I feel you are just trying to make me feel good.

You gave me a lolly pop.

But I feel rediculous on my own. I asked ofr that. You are trying to make me feel well and as a response I feel immature.

I guess I decretely feel inferior to you. Why is that? You have been nice to me. I have nothing but thankfulness to you.

Then Why do i feel this way?

You are trying to help me, and you are trying to make me feel good.

Why do I feel disrespected?

[Hopalong]

Hey, Lup...

I re-read my earlier post and I can easily see how it might feel condescending.

Sometimes I go all "motherly" to a fellow adult...busted!

I love you back.

Hops

[Lupita]

Thank you Hopsi. This is a roller coaster of emotion.
I was pouring my heart, my brain, and my guts in Ami's thread and she completely ignored me. This has happened so many times. I dont even know why I write in her threads anymore.
Anyway, I do not take it personally. It is just that what I say is not important or iteresting.
So, I have to live with that.
I am where I started this morning, what I say is not interesting.