pushy parents

[gardener]

I just sat through a tape of a programme which was on our tv this week with the creepiest feeling. It was about parents who push their children into showbiz. I wondered what you would all make of it.
There was a woman of 26 who was in pigtails and a backwards cap, who'd been "brought up to not have boyfriends" so she could concentrate on her showbiz career. her dad works as a pantomime dame and mum's a puppeteer. I just found their story particularly disturbing. She was driving to see her parents perform and had a stuffed toy sat on her lap as she drove along. It was almost like the beginning of a horror movie. She smiled about it, but her eyes didn't speak the same language as she spoke in, if you know what I mean. I just wished somebody could break her out and tell her to run for the hills. TODAY! The dad was scariest, it was almost as if he was trying to project himself through her being on stage. Very,  very weird.

[Portia]

Hiya Gardener, I read about this in the Radio Times. Didn't watch it. Don't need this brand of insanity in my life. Can't fight everyone else's battles for them. Have you a particular interest in this type of parent? Okay, to be more direct, do/did you have one or two yourself?

Sorry, that was a bit short! Just read your post again and well, yes, that IS scary. But many people are. And there are too many scary people around to worry about them all! P

[gardener]

No, my mum wasn't all that pushy, although she used to be upset when I failed in maths(hated the subject) but she was brought up to be a musician by an apparently overbearing grandfather, or so I've been told. I can see some similarities. she was an only child and we had a history of domineering males it seems until my dad who was from an East End of London family and not at all that way. Fortunately the last in our line of 'victorian paters' gave up his hold (died) just around the time I was born. It was my mother who must have been under his influence. My dad eloped with her. HaHa.    (BTW I'm 42 and a granny. Loved your story about the hedgehogs. Also I've been unable to look at my tomato plants without laughing recently, thanks to your tale of the tomato plant.
I came to this site through looking at voicelessness as I was bullied at school. I could never figure out just why these girls chose me. Now I'm learning.
 My art teacher,( who was actually pretty useless as a teacher of art.....) actually said something one day which has stayed with me since. He said he thought I ought to learn to 'fill the page' as I only ever seemed to do tiny drawings even on the biggest sheet of paper. I'm now learning to' fill the page'.........I suppose keeping it small is another form of voicelessness.
Hello to everybody, by the way... I never was any good at introducing my presence. Usually a wallflower, an onlooker.

[Anonymous]

Oh Gardener!   Your art teacher comment made me go “awwww how sad, how sad..”.

  Welcome (((Gardener))) Pleased to meet you and a hug. 42 and a granny: were you 21 and your baby 21 when you both had children? I ask as I’m 42 and my mother was 21. Hey, for me ‘42’ really is the answer to life, the universe and everything, it seems - so far. Ahhh the hedgehogs…*gulp* you mean you were reading the ramble thread? Other people actually do read that? I thought no-one bothered!   Yikes, I might have to go back and frantically delete (no I won’t ). Yes, the hedgehogs are ‘mine’ but the tomato plant is CG’s (the one her friend was sick on?).

keeping it small is another form of Voicelessness

I think so. And trying to be invisible. Or finding that others don’t see or hear you.

You know Kim Wilde? Marty Wilde’s singer daughter - well I heard her in an interview say, when she was in a rough patch, her Dad said to her: “Kim, you’re letting the world push in against you. You have to push out against the world.” I thought yeah, me too, how do you do that? I like ‘fill the page’ too. Although I tended not to in Art.  Your mother was an only child? My father was/is. Are your parents alive? Both of mine are….as you might already know. So, how are you now? Have you just recently become a granny?
I’m off for today, but look forward to reading more from you.   P

[Portia]

ahhh maybe I should log in? That was me above. I made a promise to myself that I would log in every time after we had problems with rogue posters a long while back..maybe I don't need to now...but nevertheless..you know it's me P when I'm logged in so I guess I'll stick with it. Bye for now, P

[gardener]

Thanks for the welcome... Sorry CG, your tomato plant story! the ramble thread is such a huge animal it's hard to recall who said some things. It moves so fast that it's a blur.. Yes I think I'm not the only one who has looked, take a look at just how many views it's had.
I was 19 when I married, 20 when I had my eldest. She had her first child at 20. My mother was an only child and she died about 9 years ago. My father is still alive, he was the middle one of three.
Having said that my mum wasn't pushy, I did recently find out that she saw off my first ever boyfriend behind my back, a nice well-behaved lad with a decent middle class background,(who I thought she'd have liked) by telling him she didn't approve of the situation. I never knew why we didn't go out again. He told me recently about this incident and it made me sit back in shock..... Had to think about that one. I think she was trying to protect me from life in general.
Still learning to think it through.

[Portia]

Ack, I said I was gone and well....! Hey, good point, I'm going to monitor views now on that thread...and scare myself.

Wow, that's quite a discovery about your boyfriend. I can see he must have been well-behaved to have taken your mother's warning at face value and 1) honoured her wishes 2) not told you. Did he tell you exactly what she said to him? Did she think you were too young or something? This seems so significant. How did/do you feel, beyond shocked?

Well I am off now, see you later....P