Dear Lise,
I used to think that it was "weak" to need people. I thought that it was 'superior" to be able to be fine ,alone. After this tragedy,I see that I DO need people. I need love and caring. I need people to help me.
I,also, need to give.
It is NOT weak. Any social creature needs others of it's same type. With dogs, they get depressed if they are left alone or, even ,not touched.
We are social creatures as part of our make up.
I used to feel as you did ,until I really got so raw and humbled that I reached out and found that interactions were a balm to me and I needed them.
Right after Scott died, I felt guilty for accepting help. I could barely move ,so I accepted help. Then,Maria said that people WANT to help you and it is rejecting them not to let them help you.
I thought about both sides of love and realized that you have to be comfortable with both, so I dropped my defenses and just recieved love.
At his funeral ,I had hundreds of people hugging me, telling me how much they loved him, how sorry they were for me, how they were there if I needed them.. I had people bringing food and flowers. I just relaxed and embraced the love.
I saw how good it felt to recieve love. It has a life giving quality to it.
When we have been abused,it is probably easier to give love than recieve it,I would think.
Anyway, that is my experience.
I think that that lady was sent to help you at a very hard time, when you were facing your abuse from the saintly N. You needed her love and support. Love , Ami