Chains

[Ami]

Today the Beatles song,"Chains" went through my head. It is talkng about invisible chains of love. What hit me was the invisible chains of shame. I am  dancing with them. My relationships are  a dance with my own shame, Can I outrun it by trying to control the other person--bleh?
  I am internalizing the fear of shame in physical ways(stomach aches).I am trying to get the outside to act "just so", so I don't have to feel shame.
  I have shame buttons on the outside. If I could put them,on the inside ,I would be free.
  Maybe,not all of them, but many.
  My drama is NOT with other people,but myself. Can anyone relate?           Ami

[Certain Hope]

Yes, Ami, I can relate.

"We have met the enemy... and he is us."

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

Amen,Sister-----the stinking "flesh" again (lol) .                Ami

[Gabben]

  My drama is NOT with other people,but myself. Can anyone relate?           Ami

yes I can relate...this is just about all that is going on with me...oh I can relate..I can't change others all I can do is change me and my attitudes.

And if only I'd take some of my own advice 


Love you Ami,
Lise

[Ami]

And if only I'd take some of my own advice 
[/quote]


Ain't it the truth-lol?           Love   Ami

[Ami]

The more I think about this subject, I see that shame is WHAT  is killing me. It is not the "outside" that is hurting me.I am trying to heal my stomach aches, which are a way that I stuff my emotions.
  Today,I felt good all day until I  talked to my Aunt,on the phone. We had a wonderful conversation. She really opened up to me ,as an adult. It was beautiful--really beautiful.
  Somewhere in there,she said s/thing that gave me an immediate stomach ache and I still have it hours later. She did not say anything hurtful.
 Inside me, s/thing hit me fast and my body reacted. It was one of two things. One was that she said that I did not seem neurotic to her,but "together". This hit me very strongly b/c she has alway been my role model.
 The other was s/thing that I thought she might judge,but she didn't.
 One of these statements really "hurt" me inside. If it was her saying that I seem "fine", emotionally,I think it was b/c of all the garbage that I "swallowed' in my life and I was always OK, all the time. It is a huge revelation to realize that all I suffered was for nothing. I was always OK, it was my M.
  I don't know. I guess that I will have to journal on it b/c I can't seem to figure out what upset me .          Ami

[Gabben]

You are Ok Ami -- yes it was your M --not you.

After all of the talking and getting to know you I have come to realize that you accept people for who they are, you don't judge, you offer really good support to people, not enabling but genuine insight and truth.

You are open minded and honest, you are a good person. I could continue the list but I stand the chance of being accused here of being a controller through the use of flattery...oh heck...whatever.

You are human and that means, faults, fears, and mistakes -- we all got them.

You are OK.

Lise

[Certain Hope]

Ami,

Maybe you can get to the bottom of your feelings by considering this...

What do you suppose your aunt could have said to you that might have made you feel better?

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

Carolyn,
  I don't understand your question.Please explain further,if you would. Thanks for caring, Carolyn,      Ami

[Certain Hope]

I'll try, Ami, but I am not doing too well at being coherent tonight.

It sounds like you talk with your aunt quite regularly. Do these conversations often leave you with a stomach ache?

If not, then maybe your aunt's approach toward you was different this time.

If you are accustomed to your aunt relating to you in a certain way, then her breaking of the pattern may have taken you out of your comfort zone, resulting in a stomach ache?

So I wondered whether in your imagination you had an idea of how you expected her to interact with you today. Can you imagine other things she might have said which would have left you feeling warm and cozy?

Love,
Carolyn

[Ami]

Dear Carolyn,
 Maybe intimacy --feeling close to s/one could trigger that 'fear response". Today,we were the closest and shared more deeply than we ever have.She told me  more about her life and her marriage.Today, I was not her "neice",but a friend. I think that I get a stomach ache when I feel close to s/one , among many other things---bleh.  Maybe,it was that. I will journal about it.
   Thanks , Carolyn.                         Love    Ami

[Certain Hope]

That's a good start, Ami... and a good plan, to journal... and to pray, also, I think.

You're welcome.

Love,
Carolyn

[Overcomer]

Am:  I went to my chiropractor and complained of back and leg pain.  He told me that stress makes the pain worse.  I have had stress with the wedding and moving and my H moms death and surgery etc.  My aching back!  You carry your stress in your gut!  I am taking a class that teaches about rewriting those negative self tapes into positive ones.  Pouring positive scriptures into your mind when all you feel is doubt.

[Leah]

Am:  I went to my chiropractor and complained of back and leg pain.  He told me that stress makes the pain worse.  I have had stress with the wedding and moving and my H moms death and surgery etc.  My aching back!  You carry your stress in your gut!  I am taking a class that teaches about rewriting those negative self tapes into positive ones.  Pouring positive scriptures into your mind when all you feel is doubt.

That course sounds brilliant, Kelly

I did something like that a couple of years ago, to help me in my turmoil and despair stage, and the different was and is, life breathing.

Best stress reliever.  "Renewing the Mind" so to speak.  Enjoy your course, Kelly, and genuinely looking forward to hearing about it.


DearAmi,

Breaking the Chains to set one free in ones life, is truly life giving and breathing, eliminates stress, speaking from my own personal journey.

I highly recommend the workbook by Beth Moore, which I have read through and used/applied etc.   And still use as a bedrock.

"Breaking Free"  which gently weaves through the healing process of the effects of what was done to us in life ..... shame etc.,

The print set and layout is larger as it reflects a workbook and it is so well presented which makes it a pleasure to read, and not a pain.

A Heart mended is the theme in each section and chapter, healing what caused ones heart to be broken.

Leave it with you, just that I know that Peace in ones heart overcomes any stress and anxiety, of life in general. 

We just don't realize how broken our hearts have been till we go through the healing journey.  When one is bound, there is hope, one can be free.

Love, Leah

PS >  Forgot to mention that throughout the book all the negatives are changed into positive, and so breaking free from being bound.

[Ami]

My dear  friend helped me figure out WHY I had such a bad stomach ache, yesterday when my Aunt told me that I was 'not neurotic." I never could have found the answer on my own--never ---I don't think. It was too buried. S/times ,we simply need another person's "smarts" to help us .
  This is what happened. I always had to hide any 'good part" ,about me, from my M or she raged and also turned in to a "monster. Her face and demeanor would change(demons?) . I really DID want to die b/c my M was  scary as hell(lol)
  So, if I ever was more "normal' than she was, it was a huge threat to her. The main rule ,when I was growing up, was never,ever "show her up". If I was better than she was(more normal), I had to "squelch it" or she would become the monster.
 When my Aunt gave me the best compliment ever, that I was "normal", my stomach felt  tremendous fear  . Who was *I* to be "uppity" and love myself?. Who was *I* to be uppity and be "normal" and leave her in the "dust" of mental illness?
  This is so big to see.
 Today, my stomach feels settled.
 The Bible talks about s/times needing a 'man of wisdom" to pull us out. I needed help with this one. I got it and I am so, very grateful.
  God does send me the most amazing people.  . Thanks for listening and caring.        Ami