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How to deal with a visit from an N

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Violet:
The Visigoths are coming! Ha, ha, ha, that so cracked me up!

I've got to run, but I thought I needed to clarify something. When I first started talking about my husband and his brother, I couldn't figure out given the anonymity of this forum, a way to pronoun them. I tried "men," but then some of the statements I made sounded like I was talking about men in general. So, I went with "boys," even realizing as I did what the implications might be. Maybe I'll stick with the "brothers."

Having said that, it's true that both brothers fall into patterns set when they were children when they are in their parents' presence. I think most of us, to some degree or another, do that. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing either. For instance, I don't cuss around my parents because they don't like it.  However, there is obviously a line and more times than not, it seems, in dysfunctional relationships that line is crossed far too often and for all the wrong reasons.

After reading about some of the violence and just really horrible things N's have done to most of the people in this group, well, it puts things in perspective for me.  The father in-law is atrocious, but even his behavior pales in comparison to some of the things I have read here.

Go out and enjoy your weekend, everybody! That's the best revenge!!

Violet:
I knew it!  

Remember how I said, neither my husband or I could figure out why the in-laws were returning to the scene of the crime, er, our house for another two week visit??

I was talking to my SiL and I heard some racket in the background and asked what it was.  She said the in-laws were there - again.  In the last two months, they have visited my SiL and BiL four times. Since they live closer to each other the visits consisted of long weekends.

Why? I asked. I mean, that's way more than usual.

My SiL said that they had apparently ticked off the N's sister and her husband.  After they moved to the same town after retirement, they made the sister and her husband their best friends. Well, finally, apparently, N's sister flat out told him he needed to change or else.

Now, N is telling everyone, that his sister "doesn't approve of his lifestyle."

Lifestyle? Being an ass is a lifestyle?? Who knew?!

Anyway - that's really why they are coming down here. Whenever N pushes people to the edge, he usually visits/calls all his other N supply buddies and runs down the person who was so heartlessly mean to him.

I just knew there was a reason.

I feel like I oughta get one of those bumperstickers that says, "It's not paranoia if people are really out to get you!"  

Maybe it's just a quirk of my own favorite N, but he never does anything without an ulterior motive.  Given that this is the motive du jour, what would you all say when he arrives and begins tearing down his sister and her husband??

nassim:
Violet,

Sorry. I'm all out of exasperated here. Why do you let these people come to your home? Did you invite them? And if you didn't, you have some "splaining" to do to us who are are trying to help you. You have gotten some good advice. Are you going to thwart this circus or not?

I'm getting impatient with you dearest blessing Violet. You are the flower of our hearts and you're letting some crummy insects eat away at your beautiful petals.

Nassim

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Violet ---...what would you all say when he arrives and begins tearing down his sister and her husband??
--- End quote ---


"Let's change the subject."

bunny

Violet:
Hey Nassim,

I have gotten good advice here and I do appreciate it. And even my wee petals are getting exasperated.

When it comes right down to it, however, neither of us are ready to take that next step. Even I, as much as I've come to loathe my father in-law,  find the idea of cutting them off anathema.

Part of the reason this is so, is because I have a really great marriage. I love the hell out of my husband, we're best friends, I love our life together.  His parents are the one thing that drives me crazy and let's face it, even though they're awful, I'm also a whiner.  I can pull on my big girl britches and deal with them.

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