Very well put. Empowering stuff. If I may ask, what do you do in times of insecurity?
I feel the insecurity,I don't deny it or ignore how awful it feels.I don;'t feel guilty for feeling it either. and I don't let insecurity tell me who I am, how I should feel ect.Insecurity is a feeling and it's anxiety.It ain't nessesarily "real"or my problem all the time,sometimes it is residues from other people's crap. I am aware I could doubt and second guess myself all day,so I do what I do I trust myself, I trust my own voice, because I trust my own motives..If I feel insecure about my worth,my actions I ask myself why am I somehow worse than someone else who does the same thing? Would I be bashing someone else like I bash myself? If the answer is no my insecurity is guilty anxiety or fear based in some bullshit in me..When I try to read the results of what I do by looking at signals and hints ( subtleties that might not even be there ) I find my insecurity might be projections,or reactions,they might be misunderstandings..) I need to ask myself why I feel as I do? What reason for this?? I recognize I'm feeling insecure, I turn on it,and start questioning the rationale of the feeling in an internal dialog. Soon after probing it directly, I find out the insecurity usually is an old parental script rolling in my headI was not consious of,some replayed lie from some abuser,or it's a trigger..it's fear,self doubt,unwarrented guilt or plain old self hatred,things I don't want in me.So I argue with myself and force the feeling to work for it's existance by challenging my assumptions about myself ,my thoughts and the situation.I look at flipsides to every rationalization or self depreciatory thought. Often insecurity I find out is coming from bad false stuff I was conditioned into believing growing up in an abusive home,that in reality has NOTHING to do with my worth ,unless I convince myself it does and believe the bullshit other people told me to keep me disempowered."cause who I am threatened thier lies of control..
Once I start questioning my feelings and seek the origins they tend to be tested out of existance once the false script of abuse at the heart of that insecurity is uncovered.
The other insecurity is kinda like stage fright,when you enter a contest with stiiff competitors. That insecurity has a small reason to be there because it's basis is in self pride.. because you can never be sure you will win or if your skills are as good as thiers until you see them.
Just curious...how do you avoid feeling like a martyr if I may ask?
Well If I offer help and no one wants it,Fine. I ain't gonna force it.That helps nothing. I help and it fails to help ,I say oh well.I don't take failure so personally because every human being fails.We are limited we can't control very much and none of us chose to be here as far as I know..
If I can't help because I need help oh well.I insist I get my needs met too. When I am worn out or need rest or goof offI do it with no apologies because who am I supposed to be appeasing some old memory some fear some bullshit feeling I am avoiding? So I don't feel guilty.
If I am goofing off, I goof off..BFD, everyone goofs off ,rigor has it's limits.I don't want to be a martyr That is not my motive for caring. So I f I remember why I want to help others which ultimately is a selfish motive(*I* want a better relationship with the world) I find it easier to refuse to get sucked into that martyr role.Once I feel overwhelmed ,I vent (here sometimes) or do I stuff I want to do,critics and the needy be damned. In order to help others one has to help themself too.In order to feel for others I gotta feel for myself. Having compassion for all means having compassion for myself too. And deciding I am worthy of my own love.Bullies try to steal self love from you because they hate themselves and lie about thier motives and heart that much.The trick is to balance,your needs and the needs of others and to listen closely to your own internal selves and withdrawl from helping when you need to,and accept help.
If you let other people (esp.needy narcissists who give nothing back) tell you when your helping is done you will NEVER be able to take a rest.
They'll suck the compassion out of you until you begin stop caring for yourself and you become an enabler without realizing why you feel so frustated,and unloved and the narcissist makes you become a martyr to keep lies inside you narcissists need to hide themselves from you going .
You're not alone here! And thanks for clarifying and giving us your thoughts.
Thanks for listening

Glad you are posting and sharing.
Glad you are too!