Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Some thoughts and an update
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Learning ---She basically started telling me that I was a witch who had this ability to make things go my way. She believes that I can just think about something I want and then it will happen.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote from: Learning ---She also thinks she has some powers. Once when my cats were missing I was so distraught and I called and told her about it. She told me she was sorry because it was her fault. She didn't put the protective bubble around me and my cats that morning while meditating.
--- End quote ---
The idea that she has supernatural protective/destructive powers can be a symptom of delusional thought process and/or paranoia. It would be less troubling if she was only deluded about herself -- but she's deluded about you as well.
Your mom may have a psychiatric disorder, and that's why she is not in reality as we know it. Many people with disorders refuse to seek professional help. It's not your fault or responsibility. You can't make her better. :(
bunny
Learning:
Hi Bunny,
--- Quote ---It's not your fault or responsibility. You can't make her better.
--- End quote ---
I sure hope I am finally getting that through my thick skull. :roll: I have spent alot of energy in the past trying to find ways to help her. She has always turned to me when she was having a rough time. The tricky thing (for me) is that she acts like I AM helping her, she starts talking in a way that temporarily makes me think she is going to make positive changes in her life. She sometimes even temporarily acts in more positive ways. Yet in the end she always falls back on the same patterns she has always had. Now, I truly believe that I've been of no help to her whatsoever, probably more of a hindrance to her overall well-being. :(
--- Quote ---It would be less troubling if she was only deluded about herself -- but she's deluded about you as well.
--- End quote ---
This all seems so crazy to me. In some ways I don't really want to see this as reality. I mean, what does this say about me? What effect does all of this really have on me? And then of course the age old question, 'what would people think if they knew?' I guess that is what I am trying to figure out. I think I have rooted out some of this type of belief intermeshed in some of my other confusing thought patterns, but I think (and fear) that there is more. In some ways, it's what I don't recognize that I worry about most.
--- Quote ---I still feel 'different' but not by their definition. It's by my own definition.
--- End quote ---
I find this idea of embracing your difference exciting. I had a talk with a friend about this the other day (after I read your post). She said she also feels different, and she believes it makes her stronger. I also recall another friend of mine telling me a couple of months ago that she loves being different. I used to embrace some of my differences, but that was more about what I did in my career rather than who I am (or maybe not :? ). I admire your ability to define and embrace your differences for yourself. Do you have any advice on how to go about doing that?
--- Quote ---And if you choose to diminish this observation, it just annoys people who don't like their observations of reality messed with.
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Bunny, I haven't been able to get this observation :) out of my head. Yes you are right...I know I get annoyed when people diminish my observations of reality. I think I do tend to forget that others might feel that way as well. Thanks for the heads up!
Bunny, you are a very wise woman. Thank you for consistently sharing your thoughts and feelings here at the board.
Love,
Learning
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Learning ---The tricky thing (for me) is that she acts like I AM helping her, she starts talking in a way that temporarily makes me think she is going to make positive changes in her life. She sometimes even temporarily acts in more positive ways. Yet in the end she always falls back on the same patterns she has always had. Now, I truly believe that I've been of no help to her whatsoever, probably more of a hindrance to her overall well-being. :(
--- End quote ---
Hi Learning,
You actually have helped her by showing empathy. But that's not the same as being a psychiatrist, which is what she really needs. As to your ever being a hindrance, perish the thought. :)
--- Quote ---This all seems so crazy to me. In some ways I don't really want to see this as reality. I mean, what does this say about me? What effect does all of this really have on me? And then of course the age old question, 'what would people think if they knew?' I guess that is what I am trying to figure out. I think I have rooted out some of this type of belief intermeshed in some of my other confusing thought patterns, but I think (and fear) that there is more. In some ways, it's what I don't recognize that I worry about most.
--- End quote ---
It doesn't say anything about you. It says that your mom may need a psychiatrist. I don't think people would think much about it if they knew. My memory is poor, do you have a therapist? If so, you can bring this up with her. It's a great topic.
--- Quote ---I used to embrace some of my differences, but that was more about what I did in my career rather than who I am (or maybe not :? ). I admire your ability to define and embrace your differences for yourself. Do you have any advice on how to go about doing that?
--- End quote ---
All you have to do is notice your talents and passions, your likes and dislikes that make you a unique individual. For instance, my family told me that I couldn't cook. I agreed with this myth until my 30s and then I tentatively started cooking. I found that I am a good cook and even kind of passionate about food and cooking. This doesn't make me different from all the other women who cook, but it makes me different in my own estimation. Another thing that makes me feel different is that I read professional journal articles about psychoanalysis. There are hundreds of people reading these articles but I still feel different for reading them. In other words, it doesn't have to be empirically proven that I'm different from every other person. It's more a subjective image of myself as a unique person.
--- Quote ---Bunny, I haven't been able to get this observation :) out of my head. Yes you are right...I know I get annoyed when people diminish my observations of reality. I think I do tend to forget that others might feel that way as well. Thanks for the heads up!
--- End quote ---
Good for you!! :lol:
Thanks for your very kind words, Learning. They made my day!
bunny
Learning:
Dear Bunny,
Thank you for the kind feedback.
--- Quote ---You actually have helped her by showing empathy
--- End quote ---
That is reassuring to know :) ...although there have been those times (especially as a sleepless new mom) when empathy wasn't what I was showing :evil: . :lol: :lol: :lol:
--- Quote ---My memory is poor, do you have a therapist? If so, you can bring this up with her. It's a great topic.
--- End quote ---
Yes, I will definetly bring this up with him. I'm starting to feel unstuck and I want to go even deeper with this.
--- Quote ---In other words, it doesn't have to be empirically proven that I'm different from every other person. It's more a subjective image of myself as a unique person.
--- End quote ---
I think I understand what you mean here. Yes, in this case I already have a small list of my differences...on what makes me unique. It's also nice to know some of what makes you unique, Bunny. I had kinda guessed on your passion for reading about psychoanalysis :D . Have you ever considered being a therapist?
H and I have decided to pack up the kids and hit the road tomorrow morning. We are heading for a short vacation at Mackinac Island. I'm really looking forward to it. :D
Thank you again Bunny!
Lots of love and hugs,
Learning
Michelle:
Hi Learning -
Haven't been on the board as much this summer and somehow overlooked this post.
Just wanted to quickly give you some encouragement on your topic and all the replies. Have you reread all the posts from the beginning? I find it intriguing that with each post you are really digging more and more for your answers! I think the fact that you started your post pondering, then digging for answers and understanding says alot about how much you want to change your life for the better and your true, solid commitment to it. I am very proud of you - that was the biggest and hardest decision for me as of yet. After I made that decision, it seemed like things got really hard but more clear.
I'm very proud of you for reporting your dad's behavior. You will never know what could have happened if you had not made that decision. :cry:
Keep up the fight Learning. I think you are close to figuring out some very important and life changing things about yourself. From my standpoint, it looks like you already have!
Big Big supportive hugs.
Hope your enjoying your vacation!
Love, michelle
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