Hello all you beautiful people!
I finally see it and now believe it. Different of my friends here are saying how much I have changed since I came on board, and for the better. I didn’t see it but never said so.
Something like this might take someone else less time or more time, but I just had to wait for the right time for it to be in my head and me to know it will stay.
In my young life I made many mistakes, from lack of knowing the hows and whys and whens and wheres. This problem followed me through many years of my adulthood, and yes, experience is the best teacher, for me, along with supportive people which I never found until here.
So I have come to terms with all my mistakes and don’t see them as such, as much, and can finally forgive myself for being ignorant of facts. I knew all the while that G_d forgave me . But I had to sense it, feel it, know it, in my own head to know I believe it now.
I called upon my family for assistance and not much was forthcoming, except for the N sister. She lambasted me, as usual, in her own cruel way, but I remember not believing one awful thing she said to me, as that was not me and I knew it. I never fell to pieces in despair that she could say those things. I realize now she was into projection. (I learned that here over time.)
I called upon my daughter for some deep conversations and a few more things fell into place. I realized that people will have different memories of the same incident, and believe their own memories. Healing does not take place overnight, but the realization that I have been healing all along did take place over night. Last night.
There is much more I could say, but I want to thank the people on board who have believed in me all along, when I couldn’t see straight. I thank even those who are still posting with huge problems, as their problems are no longer mine, but might have been.
I realize if something is bugging me, I have a right ( I never knew my rights until I came here) to point it out and what peace there is in that. It could be something that bugs me alone, or something that bugs a lot of people, but assertiveness is something I needed all my life and have only learned in the last year (here).
There are many wonderful people in this world and my hope is that it is only the wonderful ones that I meet in real life. I was shopping yesterday at Safeway, which is just down the block. I don’t have a store card as I usually shop elsewhere which has much lower prices. But Safeway is handy for my broken leg. The girl behind me offered her store card for my purchases and that saved me quite a bit, and in turn she was given my air miles as I don’t save them. Just like that! From a stranger! A Trade!
I am not saying that troubles won’t arise, or that someone won’t p*ss me off, still but I have a better handle on how to handle it. The thing is, I know this just for me and my almost 69 years of living, not something that will change the whole world.
Thanks again, my good friends
Love
Izzy
