Observaton about conflict and main attraction vs tourist

[Overcomer]

Hello all.  I have been contemplating some things of late.  I was just wondering why people seem to be targeted....or inevitably become the center of attention.

Well, I was thinking about Ami.  Ami has had a hard time getting better.  With Am, it is two steps forward and one step back.  After awhile a few people were beginning to get exasperated with Ami and their thin nerves began to show.  And good for Ami she has become strong enough to bite back - but it still became conflict.

Then there is Laura.  Laura has a "holier than thou" persona.  Problem is, she probably IS holier than most of us.  BUT, some people do not like someone coming off as holier than thou.....nor do a lot of people appreciate having someone tell them how far they have come, etc. only to turn around and admit they are going through a lot as well.

Maybe I am guilty of this too.  Sometimes I think "Boy, I am so much better!!!"  And then I start PMSing and you can all see me fall apart as I start obsessing about my mom and her nerve wracking persona.......

Now.  I hope that did not come off antagonistically.  Because I did NOT mean it to.  I think to mention both Ami and Laura, not only am I making an observation, but I am also telling you all that I admire both of them for so many things....

There are probably some others that do things to push others buttons, too.  I realized that a couple of weeks ago, Laura's behavior totally reminded me of my mom and it just triggered me.  I apologized to her after I realized that it was not her that made me mad but a couple of things she did that triggered me....I was mad at mom....not Laura!!

And that is all I have to say about that.  For now.

[Leah]

My only observation that gave me a real concern was and is that Laura is in a real life domestic crisis / violence situation with

an 8 year old child present.  Whipping her 18 year old Pregnant daughter with a wet towel, is a no no in real life.

Laura called the Police out again, and the Police Officer told Laura that the family crisis needed to be sorted as he did not want to come out next time to find a 'bloody' mess --- as in real blood, of real lives.

Laura posted all about it and did not like the responses received, so then deleted the thread.

Laura posted next day that everything was hunky dory and communication was a okay.

Yesterday or the day before, Laura posted Husband Chronicles.

Life is clearly not hunky dory.

There is an 8 year old child, whose life will not benefit greatly from any form of denial, not good for any family member either.

Laura posted yesterday that she has in the past reported herself for Child Abuse.  However, she did not add the outcome.

Speaking personally as a   d v survivor etc.  And that we are all people in real life, who can read and * see * as pointed out earlier.

Leah

[Ami]

Wow Kelly,
  I think that people should stick it out on the board ,for the simple reason that they NEED to heal ,so these same issues don't replay in real life .
    My M and H respect me, now. They treat me ,wonderfully,b/c I became a "street fighter"in the Janet thread(lol)
   I learned how to fight.
  Some special friends  taught me HOW  to forgive and to love those who hurt me. I used that on Saturday with a group of people .We had parted on bad terms. I went to their place of worship with love in my heart and recieved love back. That was BIG.
 So, I encourage everyone to "embrace" the board.Try to stay,if you can. God will send you unexpected people to help you(IME)
  My standing joke is that I have done everything on the board except "given birth"(lol)  .      Love   Ami

[Leah]

Dear Ami,

The work you have done in you, is wonderful to see, with real growth, as testified in your posting, all about yesterday

is truly, absolutely wonderful, to hear and * see *

Love, Leah

[reallyME]

Ok as long as I see my name I will continue to answer any questions.

Leah, my children's and husband's problems are just THAT...THEIR problems, not mine.  Except for my 8 and 13 year old, the rest of them are legal adults and well able to make their own choices.  I will not take blame for their rudeness and personality disorders.

Secondly, how did the abuse report back when I was in my 20's turn out? A Parents Anonymous worker met with me weekly till I learned new ways to help my 2 year old cooperate.

Furthermore, you people seem to think I BEAT my 18 year old with a soaking wet towel.  The towel was damp and I simply snapped it at her.  I didn't repeatedly beat her with it, so stop making me out to look brutal.  If I'm guilty of things, I admit them, if not, then not happening.

As far as me being "holier than thou" than some of you...in some things I have achieved a level God is pleased with and so am I.  In other things, I've admitted where I struggle.


Overcomer, GOD BLESS YOU!you ROCK!
~Laura

[reallyME]

Lupine, as I said, as long as people ask me things, I will answer, as I prefer to answer for myself.

Lupine: I never thought you "beat" your child.

It was implied in the way people posted about it.  It was a quick snap with a damp towel. Nothing more, nothing less.  Most people counseled me to beat her a**.  Obviously I did not agree nor put that plan into action.  What I DID do was figure "ok, I've tried everything else...maybe if I take charge here, she will stop trying to intimidate me and realize i mean business."  It is not something I do regularly nor something I planned to continue.  It was an "hey, let me see if getting TOUGH will get THROUGH to her.

I was simply astounded by the anger that caused you to hit her

. 

You might not be so astounded if you met her, although she wouldn't likely show that side of herself to you.

And now to see that there was an intervention in the past?

If you are talking about the daughter that was 2 when I was 22, that was my ELDEST who is now 22 herself.  It had nothing to do with Anna.

 

What has changed in your life since then?

Well, 20 years of marriage have passed, I've gone to many churches, gone to college...what do you mean, what has CHANGED?  It's not even the same daughter you are talking about I don't think.

Sometimes, we are just so used to being angry that it seems normal.

 

Feeling angry when provoked to it IS very normal. It is not healthy to act like everything is ok when it's not.  Right now, between you and me, it's NOT.

  And you keep telling us about your daughter's and husband's shortcomings as an explanation as to why you behave badly. 

And I think most of the people have told about their family's shortcomings as having an effect on THEIR behavior?  What is your point.  That's what this board is FOR.

AND, then,  poor God is thrown into the equation to justify how you are just alright, thank you very much.

In the parts that I yielded to him, I AM just alright; excellent in fact.

. When you hit anyone or defame your family, there is a real problem.

Then I guess you won't ever be posting again.  Don't tell us anything bad about the N's in your household, since that would be defaming them.  I already explained the "hit" thing.

. What do you suppose your eight year old is learning from all of this anger?

My 8 year old and I are kewl.  The 13 year old and i are cool until N daughter gets ahold of her and together they start on the warpath against me.

.

Have you looked forward into her future? 

Her future is extremely bright.  She is a talkative, social butterfly, loved by many.

[Overcomer]

Hey Am-I hope you did not think I was dissing you.  What I was saying is that you were in the middle of controversy for whatever reason and I have seen you grow by not rolling over when someone is mean to you.

[Gabben]

Hi Laura,

After reading through some of the board I see that you are struggling here and it seems a bit unfair to you and unprovoked by you.

Also, I am most disturbed by this thread. If it helps, I sympathize for you with the jabs, and hurtful wrong impressions about you  here.

Your a good person, for me, that is easy to discern.

I'm here to support you.

Lise ((((LAURA))))

[Gabben]

Hey Am-I hope you did not think I was dissing you.  What I was saying is that you were in the middle of controversy for whatever reason and I have seen you grow by not rolling over when someone is mean to you.

I agree - Ami grows and heals. 

Lise

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
  I did not take it as a "dis, at all. I took it as a compliment that I could weather the storm.
   As a dear friend says,'It is better to experience it on the board, than in real life.". I agree. After you  experience it on the board, you can handle it better in real life.     Love   Ami

((((((((Kelly))))))))