I too have been focused on trying to figure out WHY I tend to forget what I will see crazy behavior again, sooner or later. One thing that I have noticed is that relationships with N's seem to cycle up and down. When they are acting fairly normal, things go quite well. Life seems pretty good. I start to feel more relaxed..
But it won't last. Eventually, various things happen that lead the N to feel dissed. It's just a matter of time, especially since they amuse themselves by trying to aggravate other people. Their obnoxious behavior is humorous to them ("a joke" in their eyes, even though only they laugh, while the victims of their pranks experience irritation). Since they are, in many cases, neither serious nor actually funny, those around them often treat them with varying levels of disdain, which they experience as intolerable disapproval (and they can see no justification for their being treated this way).
I think that they fill up with disapproval, and then they lose control. They start defending actions and statements that are indefensible (incorrect, wrong, absurd, etc.). Sometimes it's pretty obvious to me that fatigue exacerbates this condition. I recently watched an N stand in front of a microwave oven and insist that he had heated two pieces of pie to the point if being hot, but they had cooled off again IN 5 SECONDS. The N was tired, and in his mind he MUST have heated them correctly, but the laws of physics had been suspended, and they had instantaneously gone back to being lukewarm. I have a new pat answer in these situations. I no longer argue about the details. I either say nothing (why bother?) or I say, "You are so completely full of sh*t." That's it. I will not engage in any further discussion. If he tries to engage me in conversation at such a time, I hold up my hand and tell him that "Nobody cares what you say. You constantly say things that you later recant, and in any case you are unlikely to recall what it was that you said. I have no reason to pay any attention to you. So shut up." Sometimes, he seems to be sort of relieved, as if he knows he can't win and is sort of glad to be dismissed. He still feels dissed, and can't imagine why that happened. But at least it's over, and he can begin the process that he goes through to get calmed down again when he feels that somebody has "given him cr*p." I don't need to tell you that whenever somebody "gives him crap," it is completely unjustified, in his mind.
Events like these remind us that their minds aren't right. They can function well for a certain period of time, and while things go well we partially forget that WE WILL SEE THAT CRAZY BEHAVIOR AGAIN. I don't think that it's denial on our parts. I think that we just automatically resume thinking that people will be reasonable. That is the default mode for us. We have to expend effort to hold the thought in our minds that eventually their brains will malfunction again, and when they do they will seem quite ridiculous (deserving of ridicule, ironic isn't it?).
I guess that if they act normal for a while our brains stop applying effort to the process of holding that thought in mind, "Remember, that person is an N, and is going to act crazy eventually." It's a relatively subtle form of mental impairment, and one which they N endlessly refutes, no matter how many doctors react to them with wide-eyed, open-mouthed amazement.
I find myself thinking about how I would treat someone who had a learning disability, autism, or another less subtle impairment. I would not expect that person to snap out of it. Even if they had a great day, where they functioned at a high level, I would always be ready to cut them some slack when they could not function well. N's set themselves up, because they can't function really well over an extended period of time. But they try to pose as people with all the answers. They don't put much effort into being really sharp, mainly into saying that they are. The more they talk about how great they are, the less time and energy they have for actually being great, and the more they provoke others to point out their failings.
It's a cycle, and all are victimized, even the N, because even they don't get what they want out of it. The closest that we can come to a good outcome is one in which our interaction with their craziness is as limited as possible. With billions of other people on this planet, not to mention all the forms of entertainment available, we don't have to interact with them, when they're in crazy mode, beyond sheer necessity. While our minds are otherwise occupied we are free to forget...
Go ahead and forget... It's not our job to examine them. That's like walking around with a magnifying glass looking for dog do. Train your magnifying glass on the flowers of life, the things that make you smile, not the things that disgust you.
Don't have a wasted life. I love you too much. (Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers)
