Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Article on the neurobiology of mother-child attachment
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: October ---I can get on fine with either married or gay men, but cannot relate to single men, or those who are too interested in me, if you understand that. Brothers are fine. Anything else I don't know what to do with.
--- End quote ---
Maybe every man gets a "brother" projection and then he's off limits.
--- Quote from: October ---Even so, I have had one therapist (my first, before I knew the rules well enough to stop what he did) accuse me of developing an unnatural obsession with him, and of being in love with him.
--- End quote ---
What a *jerk*. That's the reason I vented earlier in this thread. The quacks out there calling themselves therapists!
--- Quote from: October ---It made me very careful after that to label my behaviours, and to ensure that professional boundaries are very carefully established and kept - for my sake.
--- End quote ---
It sucks that *you* have to be careful and ensure the professional boundaries. I'm seeing a male therapist for the first time. I told him that I'd be horrified to develop a crush on him, yet feared it would inevitably happen. He was very calm about it.
--- Quote from: October ---Why do therapists get so worried about dependency? I have a daughter, and am not at all bothered about dependency, because I see it as a natural part of any relationship, and one that changes with changing circumstances; you need me today, I need you tomorrow. What is wrong with that?
--- End quote ---
They shouldn't be worried about dependency. They should be able to deal with it. But there are loser therapists out there.
--- Quote from: October ---However, current t seems very much better. She listens. She understands why I need information, and she explains what she is doing and why. And if I am not able to talk she helps me find coping strategies instead. I think the t will not last very long, but meanwhile I am growing stronger, bit by bit.
--- End quote ---
Why won't she last long?
bunny
October:
Hiya Bunny
I am sure you are right about the brother projection. And it seems to be to protect them, rather than me. I think I have inherited some strange ideas about what women are.
Gay men understand straight away - no problems at all. With many of them I can go fairly quickly past being acquaintances to emotional intimacy, without strings. But the only straight man I achieved emotional intimacy with was my first t, who allowed the relationship to develop from t into friendship, so that he could tell me about his experiences (in my sessions!) and then could not cope with what I knew about him, so he dropped me like a stone, and dumped me on someone else (the third person, who was not a t, but a friend).
The t was a vicar, so I wrote to the bishop to say what had happened, because I thought he should not be counselling other women, but the bishop just told me to let him go, and that this often happens with women and vicars. I felt really sordid and dirty - which I suppose is the sexuality I was taught about myself. Like I had tried to seduce this 'innocent' man. It makes me blush to think that anyone thought I would do that. My daughter was friends with his daughters. I knew his wife. I made them a cake for their wedding anniversary party in the church hall, and for his induction at his new church.
Sorry, must stop thinking about it; ptsd makes you stick on one subject too long, sometimes. (often). But as you can see, it hurts.
In answer to why will the t not last long, this is NHS provision, and the NHS in my area does not provide long term support, even for people like me with cptsd. The only long term provision is for eating disorders, so I have a clinical psychologist who specialises in eating disorders, but who has made herself available to me because I need more than 12 week support. It is not open ended. At present the notional length of support gives me until September.
Last time I saw my psychiatrist he said I was being too negative in thinking that I could not be cured in 12 weeks - or even 6, he said. Stupid man. He told me to return to see him a month later, but I didn't see the point. Two months later and he hasn't noticed. When I told this to my current t she smiled and said what makes you think he is in charge? I said I had no idea who is in charge, or who is making these kinds of decisions. Sadly, I still have no idea. She only said it is not him, it is 'us'. But I do not know who that means. Meanwhile, I don't care. I take each week as it comes, and try to gain what I can while I can, before the next t desert of months or years comes along.
So no chance to relax or feel safe. Just a brief respite, and then I am on my own again.
October:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---
It sucks that *you* have to be careful and ensure the professional boundaries. I'm seeing a male therapist for the first time. I told him that I'd be horrified to develop a crush on him, yet feared it would inevitably happen. He was very calm about it.
bunny
--- End quote ---
Aren't they always calm about it? They just love it!! There is such a lot of arrogance and tacit superiority about therapy, and very little partnership in healing, which is what I always try to find, usually without success.
And if you say it won't happen, they just label it denial and imagine that you are madly in love all the time. Just as any question about the type of therapy is labelled acting out.
I am very wary of t these days, as you can see. :oops:
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: October ---But the only straight man I achieved emotional intimacy with was my first t, who allowed the relationship to develop from t into friendship, so that he could tell me about his experiences (in my sessions!) and then could not cope with what I knew about him, so he dropped me like a stone, and dumped me on someone else (the third person, who was not a t, but a friend).
--- End quote ---
This is highly unethical. I'm very sorry you were abused by this creep.
--- Quote from: October ---The t was a vicar, so I wrote to the bishop to say what had happened, because I thought he should not be counselling other women, but the bishop just told me to let him go, and that this often happens with women and vicars.
--- End quote ---
Please check out this website! There are articles about unethical and colluding clergy, including in the UK and Australia:
http://www.advocateweb.org/hope/articles_clergy.asp
--- Quote from: October ---Last time I saw my psychiatrist he said I was being too negative in thinking that I could not be cured in 12 weeks - or even 6, he said. Stupid man. He told me to return to see him a month later, but I didn't see the point. Two months later and he hasn't noticed.
--- End quote ---
Being too negative??! (sound of mind boggling) Words escape me.
--- Quote from: October ---When I told this to my current t she smiled and said what makes you think he is in charge? I said I had no idea who is in charge, or who is making these kinds of decisions. Sadly, I still have no idea. She only said it is not him, it is 'us'. But I do not know who that means. Meanwhile, I don't care. I take each week as it comes, and try to gain what I can while I can, before the next t desert of months or years comes along.
--- End quote ---
I agree that he isn't in charge. You're in charge of your own life. I don't exactly know what's meant by "us" unless she's referring to you and her as a team working together. Perhaps you can ask her.
I'm really sorry that you only get 12 weeks, that is a shame.
bunny
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: October ---Aren't they always calm about it? They just love it!! There is such a lot of arrogance and tacit superiority about therapy, and very little partnership in healing, which is what I always try to find, usually without success.
--- End quote ---
I don't think they're all like this. If they were, I wouldn't see a therapist. I would dump mine quickly if he appeared to obtain gratification from any of my statements to him.
bunny
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