discipline and delayed gratification

[Hopalong]

Hi Axa,
I think very intentionally giving yourself permission to fail, to be dull or confusing, is very helpful.

The blank page intimidation returns to oh, this is a piece of paper. I'll type something. Then you just go blah-blah with your fingers on a keyboard...

Then your bright mind will scrub and polish as you work back and forth as you go.

The thing that always always amazed me after I procrastinated on deadlines to the point of exhaustion and being up against the wall, is that once I got it underway, I INVARIABLY realized I was enjoying it.

And then I'd be all P-O'd at myself: Drat self, why didn't you start earlier, because you really do enjoy thinking and sorting out ideas and here you are all caffeined up and 2 hours' sleep and feeling like elephant dung and you could have been having FUN with it. Imagine how it would've felt if you started ahead of time!

Not saying that really worked to cure me of starting-phobia overnight, but the message did make sense to the rational part of me.

hugs
Hops

[axa]

Hops,

Thank you for your sensible advice.............well, got the first draft finished and started editing and rewriting and you know something, it aint bad.  It is this bloody struggle of trying to be perfect and feeling useless........maybe these parts of me are moving a little closer together.  The big question is Hops WHERE OH WHERE IS THE MIDDLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lots and lots of hugs and keep that brother at a distance

xxxxxxxxxx

axa

[Hopalong]

it aint bad

I'll bet it ain't bad, you smart thing! 

I'll post about my brother...ugh.

love to you and your GOOD-ENOUGH paper too.

Hops

[Lupita]

Axa, thank you for this thread. I have always delayed gratification. In fact, I never have gratification. My brother and sister either. My mother made us that way. We cant.

I only work and it is very difficult to enjoy anything. Just work and sleep. Even in dance class, I am suffering. I am suffering why such and such dont want to dance with me, suffering why the teacher gives so much care to her favorite students, suffering how short I am, suffering that I do not do it as well as I would like, I have an endeless list. I could not even enjoy sex, never ever, and no man wants to be with me. cant enjoy. Period.

I have no problems with delaying gratification, I have problems gratifying my slef.

[axa]

Lup,

I learned to enjoy myself but it was difficult.  Often I would engage in activities which were false and stupid and think that was enjoyment but age and a little wisdom changed that.  I find staying in the present allows me take pleasure out of so many ordinary things.  I keep forgetting this and have to practise, practise, practise.  I find yoga very helpful for staying present to my body... nothing like pain to bring you into the present moment.

Is it not possible to lose yourself in the music sometimes when you dance?  And as for sex.........whats that? LOL


xxxxxx

axa

[Lupita]

"And as for sex.........whats that? LOL"

LOLLLLLL LMAO, LOLOLOL     

Are you insinuating that you belong to my club? LOL

not funny but anecdotic.

Thank you for the answer. I guess I have to work on that too. On the enjoying, on the present, on everything.

[Lupita]

Dear Axa:
Hope I did not offend you with my sense of humor. if you want I will erase it.
Lupita

[axa]

Lup,


LOL

xxxx

axa

[Leah]

Hi Axa,
I think very intentionally giving yourself permission to fail, to be dull or confusing, is very helpful.

The blank page intimidation returns to oh, this is a piece of paper. I'll type something. Then you just go blah-blah with your fingers on a keyboard...

Then your bright mind will scrub and polish as you work back and forth as you go.

The thing that always always amazed me after I procrastinated on deadlines to the point of exhaustion and being up against the wall, is that once I got it underway, I INVARIABLY realized I was enjoying it.

And then I'd be all P-O'd at myself: Drat self, why didn't you start earlier, because you really do enjoy thinking and sorting out ideas and here you are all caffeined up and 2 hours' sleep and feeling like elephant dung and you could have been having FUN with it. Imagine how it would've felt if you started ahead of time!

Not saying that really worked to cure me of starting-phobia overnight, but the message did make sense to the rational part of me.

hugs
Hops

Oh, Hops,

I am receiving your sound words of advice.

Especially ~ " .... very intentionally giving yourself permission to fail, to be dull or confusing, is very helpful."

Love,

Leah

[Hopalong]

Glad, Leah!

Permission to fail precedes permission to succeed.

xxoo
Hops

[axa]

Hops,

I often feel stuck between the two places, failure and success, afraid of the former and terrified of the latter!  I guess being in the middle struggling keeps me "busy" and allows me play out my old patterns - lots of procrastination.  Interestingly, when I have failed at something I am always so glad that I tried but I do forget this.

thoughts and hugs,

axa

[Hopalong]

It's a huge struggle for me too.
So I am very grateful this thread is here today.

My brother is trying to take over my mother's finances because I let some things lapse and it is a direct result of my being undisciplined (and tired and overwhelmed). So I must do these things TODAY to get it back under my own control.

Hops

[Leah]

((((( Hops )))))

You can do it  ~  and it will come right, for you.

Thoughts of you,

Love, Leah

[axa]

Amber,

Thank you so much for your post.  I have experience around "I want to " in relation to alcohol.  Or should I say I do not want to.........and it has been a piece of cake.  It comes from a voice larger than my "head" voice and there is no deprevation in it.  I want to do a good paper so much so I have finished my second draft and it is shaping up.  I see this in this draft that by practising it has improved and want to do another practise session with it tommorow......... I don't see it as semantics, or should I say it doesn't feel like semantics........it feels good. 

I meditate regularily and this of couse is called my practise.............. big smile and hug to you,

xxx

axa

[Certain Hope]

    Amber        Axa    Next time I begin feeling like a slouch about something, I will remember this exchange and simply fe]]determine to apply more Practice   in that area!  What a wonderful difference in perspective that offers!!  Thanks 

With love,
Carolyn