The family

[Hermes]

Hello to all:

We don't choose our families, our parents, and it can be the luck of the draw in that strange card game that life is.. 

Hermes

""Synopsis
As everyone knows, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. We all have disagreements with relatives, but for some, family can persist into adulthood as a major source of stress. The obnoxious uncle who can be guaranteed to spoil any family gathering, the irritating parent who still treats you as though you're 11, the abrasive and insensitive sister, the brother who never listens to you - though we might like to deny it, they have the power to push our buttons like nobody else.Family stress is more than the tense atmosphere at the annual Christmas gathering. It can be seen as the kind of stress we may all experience from the dynamics of being an adult within a wider family unit. This may mean coping with adults within the family system who are disruptive and dysfunctional, and who cause stress by their behaviour; outgrown roles and stereotypes established in childhood; or old rivalries, as well as current issues such as dealing with the family business or caring for an ageing parent. This book looks at how you can live at peace with siblings and parents in adult life. The topics include: How the family evolved; What constitutes family stress and how we perceive it; Family myths and stories; Family businesses; Deaths, funerals and wills; Christmas, holidays, weekends; Dealing with difficult and extra-difficult family members; Re-building trust and family relationships; Your social support system; and Lifestyle and stress management advice.



Coping With Family Stress: How to Deal with Difficult Relatives (Paperback)
by Dr Peter Cheevers

and

Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain (Paperback)
by Sue Gerhardt

"·"The bottom line is that this book has huge potential to effect massive social change. In seeing how these maladaptive attachment and parenting styles lead to first personal problems and then serious social ones, we have the solution to making changes for the future of our children and theirs in turn.

Overall this book is a humanistic subject approached from a scientific perspective. Make no mistake this book is one of the most important I have and ever will read. Without a doubt it will also be the same for anyone reading the book.

Finally, in addition to being highly informative, it is also optimistic in pointing out that change is not impossible, but prevention is the key to a better society and a better world. ""

[Hermes]

I agree with you entirely Shunned.  The only real, and sane, solution is "no contact".  In fact I once read a definition of insanity as: "doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result".  If we think our efforts in hanging around the N will eventually produce some kind of result other than the dismal results already known to us, well maybe our sanity also requires looking at LOL

Yes, there is a belief (in fact I was also about to mention this in my post, but ....I am being careful these days LOL), that the person chooses his or her parents before conception.  No doubt it has to do with the idea of karma. 
This may be so.  I tend to be very open-minded, because the truth is that we know so little about anything supernatural.

All the best
Hermes