a hermit?

[Lupita]

It has been a long time since I have gone out with “friends” or just do something with someone that is of a social kind, and/or of my interest.  I think, the last time I went dancing with “Friends” was before thanks giving.
I had a very bad day at work today and I did not have anybody to call to talk about it. I realized I have been spending too much of my leisure time on the board. I need to be with real people. But my experience with real people is so bad, that I do not know if I want it. Am I becoming a hermit?
Is this happening to any of you?

[Lupita]

A hermit (from the Greek ἔρημος erēmos, signifying "desert", "uninhabited", hence "desert-dweller"; adjective: "eremitic") is a person who lives to some greater or lesser degree in seclusion and/or isolation from society.

In Christianity the term was originally applied to a Christian who lives the eremitic life out of a religious conviction, namely the Desert Theology of the Old Testament (i.e. the forty years wandering in the desert[1] that was meant to bring about a change of heart).

In the Christian tradition the eremitic life is an early form of monastic living that preceded the monastic life in the cenobium. The Rule of St Benedict (ch. 1) lists hermits among four kinds of monks. Modern Roman Catholic Church law recognises consecrated hermits as members of the Consecrated Life.

Often – both in religious and secular literature – the term "hermit" is used loosely for anyone living a solitary life-style – including the misanthrope – and in religious contexts is sometimes assumed to be interchangeable with anchorite / anchoress (from the Greek ἀναχωρέω anachōreō, signifying "to withdraw", "to depart into the country outside the circumvallated city"), recluse and solitary. However, it is important to retain a clear distinction between the vocation of hermits and that of anchorites.

[Lupita]

In my school there is a policy that students are not “supposed” to use their phones in class. Well, they do. And teachers  are supposed to confiscate them if catch them. Teacher goes in big trouble, having to ask the teen ager “give me that”, then the teen ager gets in your face, “give me my phone back”.
A teacher told me “why bother?”. After all, you write a referral, call parents, distroy your relationship with the kid, have a bad day/ The next day, the kid has the phone back.
Deamn if you do, deamn if you don’t.  The worst, the kid tells you, ne ne ne ne, my mother will get my phone back after class. La la la la la.

What to do?

[Certain Hope]

Dear Lupita,

Guess I'm a hermit, in many ways... a very solitary person, and a homebody - - meaning, I like to stay at home, mostly... no strong urges to be out doing and running... and so
it doesn't bother me that I don't have many evening activities, or outings on the weekends, because I always find things to do and time flies by. Right now my life is changing so fast, with new discoveries about myself and others, too... but I still think that my own natural inclination is to be a hermit-ish person... maybe? That's okay though, right?
When I was not working outside of my home, I did feel badly about being away from people so much... afraid that I did not have the skills to interact well... and felt lonely at times, too. Doesn't take alot of people to ease the lonliness, though...
even just one good, healthy, successful interaction can make a world of difference, for me. Sometimes that happens at the checkout line at the grocery store... I guess it doesn't take much, when you're as starved as I was for human contact.

Be patient with yourself, dear Lupita... I think that you have made some major accomplishments and steps into good health.
It'll be alright.

Carolyn

P.S. on edit - - I forgot to tell you... I was very interested to read the definition you've given here of hermits and anchorites...
and, about the cell phone example - - I would just follow the rules as the school has established them and take the cell phone for the day (with a smile) - - and hopefully the kids will get tired of needing to come back and reclaim their phones. If nothing else, you will earn their respect for abiding by the rules (whether they let you know that or not, they WILL respect you for it) and especially they will appreciate that you smile while enforcing those rules! This I know.

[emptied]

Hi Lupita,
     I am here to confess that I am a hermit. My question for you is if you are unhappy in your hermit state? I am pretty happy with my hermit lifestyle most of the time. If you are unhappy, then I think you should take steps to change the situation, but if you feel happier and safer at home pursuing your own interests then there really isn't a problem. Hugs.

E

[Ami]

Since I don't resonate with you,Lupita(lol), I will just give you a hug.
(((((((((((Lupita)))))))))))))))

[Gabben]

It has been a long time since I have gone out with friend's or just do something with someone that is of a social kind, and/or of my interest.  I think, the last time I went dancing with friend's was before thanks giving.
I had a very bad day at work today and I did not have anybody to call to talk about it. I realized I have been spending too much of my leisure time on the board. I need to be with real people. But my experience with real people is so bad, that I do not know if I want it. Am I becoming a hermit?
Is this happening to any of you?

I can resonate with this a lot. Being alone or isolation is a favorite pastime of mine. I used to be so outgoing and gregarious and now that I am older I love to sit at home and read, bake, take long baths, knit, listen to jazz, watch netflixs, or go for long walks on the beach with my ipod...there are so many alone choices to do and it is all good. But I suffer from loneliness and when I do spend time with people I suffer from a mild social anxiety. Usually, I need to decompress and work out all of the anxiety when I get home.

Hopefully some of this will help, as we get older it is a natural tendency to just want to be alone more, maybe?...it is OK.

It is good to realize that we need 3D support or connections too.

Lise

[Hermes]

Hello to Lupita and all:

Have been reading your posts, and I understand that you would want to talk to someone about the events of your day.   It is a very human tendency. 
People are all different: some are loners, others are more sociable, ..it depends on what one is happy with.

I do enjoy being alone, but I would not become a hermit I think LOL.  It isn't in my nature.  There is so much I still want to do and see.  The world is a big place. 

I do socialise, travel, a lot of which involves people I work with.  There are times when that might go on for a week or so, and I enjoy it while it is happening.  The interraction is good.   I like people, being with people, as much as I like being alone.  I will sometimes drive up into the hills, get out there and walk alone in a very solitary place.  I think a balance is important. 

Hope you have a good week-end Lupita, and get some rest.
Hermes

[Ami]

Dear Lise,
  I am glad that you mentioned social anxiety b/c I have it, too. Maybe ,one of us could start a thread on it. Imagine what I am going through NOW with people ,everywhere(LOL)?                 Love   Ami

[Lupita]

Ch, Emp, Herm, Gab, Ami, have you heard:

I am unhappy, alone, with people, in the bathroom, in the living room, in the kitchen, in dance class, when I was fat I thought if I only could lose weight I would feel so much better, I am 126 lb right now, and guess what, I like what I see in the mirror, and I still am very unhappy.

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
  I think what you are saying is that our peace of mind is an "inside job". I hate to hear this ,too, sometimes(LOL)       Ami

[Lupita]

I am afraid to go to work on Monday and the kid is going to show his phone again. Can you imagine a freshman in high school having a Palm? Do you know what is that?
Why in the world a parent would give his son a Palm? Just because?
Why, he used it in front of me?
Why to provoke me?
He knows that if he is discrete I can choose to ignore it and I will, but if they robe it on my nose, I am obligated to address the issue.
Why then, do it? Is the administration trying to put me at fault? Why do I feel paranoid? Are they trying to posion the kids against me?
If I just knew that the principal would back me up, I would not care, I would just tace care of business, but feeling lonely, makes a terrible difference.
Why a parent would choose to pay so much money in tuition in a good private school for a kid to make Ds and be disrespectful?

[Ami]

What is a Palm?                         

[Lupita]

Ami,


Have you heard of a surgeon operating in him self? I dont think so.

Or a hair stylist to do her oun hair cut? very difficult. Many say that they cut the front and go to a friend to cut the back part.

Maybe possible. But very difficult.

[Ami]

Lupita,
  I have no idea what you mean? Maybe, I should ask my older son, although he is not the most "with it" person(lol) and probably won't know. My dear, Scott ,always knew what was going on.                  Ami