Learned something about the board

[Overcomer]

A couple of days ago I hit a very low point.  All the stress caught up to me.  I blew up at both my h and my  m.  I  got some great advice but at that particular moment it shook  me and had me over reacting.  Do not know how we can avoid it but it is hard to tell if someone is in  the right place to accept it.  Then after all that everyone left  me hanging while I was trying to pick up the pieces of an extremely intense couple of days.

[Leah]

A couple of days ago I hit a very low point.  All the stress caught up to me.  I blew up at both my h and my  m.  I  got some great advice but at that particular moment it shook  me and had me over reacting.  Do not know how we can avoid it but it is hard to tell if someone is in  the right place to accept it.  Then after all that everyone left  me hanging while I was trying to pick up the pieces of an extremely intense couple of days.

Not everyone, Kelly

What would you have appreciated, after those of whom, explained, how they gave advice?

Maybe, they did not know what to do, given the interaction.

Love, Leah

[Hermes]

Hello Overcomer:

I echo what Leah has said.  And, could I perhaps ask what YOU have decided, based on the various opinions and supportive words offered on the particular thread.

All the best
Hermes

[Certain Hope]

Dear Kelly,

I also would like to understand... and to know how it is that you could have received more help and support.
If you can put that into words, I will certainly try to absorb it.
At the time, I kept thinking about all you've said about your own pms and how it gets when you're in the throes of that, and so this appeared to be another of those cycles. In fact, I nearly asked you if that was at the core of it...
Are you feeling better now?

With love,
Carolyn

[CB123]

Then after all that everyone left  me hanging while I was trying to pick up the pieces of an extremely intense couple of days.

Hi Kell,

Can you explain what happened that made you feel that way?  I saw so much support for you in that thread--but I believe you when you say felt as though you were left hanging. 

Did you hope to get more solutions to your situation than you got?

CB

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
 I would like to understand,more, what you experienced from beginning to the end in that thread( and situation).I think that you were very,very vulnerable, at that moment so "advice"(you didn't like or think was right) which you could have blown off at another time, you took very much to heart, this time. Am I right?
 Kelly, you are really doing the right thing by expressing your thoughts about the board.       Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

Funny thing is it was just after my usual PMS time.  Maybe since I am entering the menopause stage my cycle is off?  All I felt is that the board as a whole flooded me with admonishments which I tried to hear and do.  What it made me want to do was file for divorce, put a For Sale sign out in front of my house and quit my job without any exit strategy.  Then as fast as everybody came in with advice, very few checked back in to see if I was alright.  A simple "Are you feeling better today" would

[Overcomer]

have helped me a lot.

[Gaining Strength]

On reading this thread I am left thinking of the title of a book about borderline personality disorder, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"

Sort of feel, damned if you do damned if you don't and that's an awfully familiar feeling.

[Leah]

Dear Kelly,

My understanding is, that, initially, you were referring to your mother, and the reception, and how you react to your mother.

Which was, certainly, how I posted, as explained, in my subsequent posting, about reacting or not, etc., with your mother.#

Love, Leah

[Leah]

Kelly, if you care to, have a read of my "How would you feel" thread.  Complete with a questionairre! 

My healthy choice was, to take it, with a wysiwyg attitude, at the time, and simply, leave it as that, let it go.

Love, Leah

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
 Sometimes people give "solutions" when all we want is to be heard. Also, s/one else's solutions may not be right for you. I think that you may have been the most vulnerable you have ever been on the board, at least as *I* have seen,anyway.
  You were very raw and sensitive and were not able to ignore the posts that were not right for you.
   Also, you needed TLC and did not feel it coming to you, after you had reached out when you were  hurting.
   Is that what happened?
  For me, when I post, I try to tell myself that the expressing of the emotion is enough.. When I get loving responses, I am thrilled. When I don't, I just try to know that, at least ,I brought the pain to light and that was a healing step in itself.
  My posts have triggered other people's pain and I have brought condemnation down on my head. I know that this can happen when I put myself out there. I think that this has happpened, at times , to you, particularly around your M's money. 
  Your inheritance issues  can bring up deep feelings in other people . Their feelings have NOTHING to do with you or your M. They are their issues,but they are being played out on you.
  I remember that this happened with GS, when I first got on the board. She brought anger down on herself b/c of other people's views on her family's wealth.
  I have triggered many people's emotions and have even come to expect criticism of me that may have little to do with me.
  I think that this just 'happens", in real life or the board.
  I,usually ,get a few responses which "get it". I am happy for these and usually am able to let the other responses  "go".
  I am sorry you are hurting and feeling frustrated and not understood, Kelly.         Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

Hey GS-I hope I did not come across on that thread like I did not hear you at all.  I dieg hear you and I can relate to your response.  Leah-I know I went from my mom to my H because we had a fight in the midst of my angst which just furthered my downward spiral.  I fell apart harder than I have in forever.  I guess I just needed an atta girl even if you all felt I needed a swift kick in the behind.  Which I do but not the other day and that was my point.  How can we know the mental state?

[Certain Hope]

We can't know, Kelly... we can only ask.

Which is why I asked you originally, the other day, what it is you wanted (and the newlyweds)...
and also why I asked you this morning, Are you feeling better now?

Love,
Carolyn

[Hopalong]

Hey Kelly, good woman...

I'll tell you hon, what I honestly believe...hope it helps, but even if it doesn't it's the best I have to give:

I believe you are hooked in a habit of blaming other people for your own emotions, and that it's hobbling you.

I do sincerely understand feeling alone and forsaken and frustrated and wishing so deeply that it feels like "needing" a response. That level of loneliness and frustration, which you surely experience in your painful situations with your mother and husband, makes one so susceptible to the blame cycle.

But I believe blaming (others OR yourself) leads to a dead-end cycle of "I feel really bad and it's your fault."
There's no exit. No exit at all. Not money not surgery not life changes.

But "I feel really bad and this is a place I've been so many times before and I'm going to choose to learn different ways to THINK, which will change my feelings" -- that, I believe, will change how you feel, and will empower you.

You really gotta dig. You are so smart. I know you can do it. I'd go for intensive rational emotive therapy, for you.

with love,
Hops