Learned something about the board

[Certain Hope]

((((((Kelly))))))

Sometimes it's a daily thing for me, reminding myself - "Success is not what my mother says it is."

She doesn't define me, my children, my marriage, my present, my future, or any other aspect of my life.

Carolyn

[Overcomer]

When I was in my early 20s I was making strides.  But my boyfriend and I were living in sin so she kinda made me get married.  I knew walking down the aisle that it was wrong but how could I mess up the spectacle?  We were somewhat independent until she paid for our college-that is when my life was taken over!

[Overcomer]

My H was a loser and could not find a job.  I made all the $.  He liked books a lot so I saw an be in the paper for a bookstore for sale.  We jumped through all the hoops and my mom joined up so we could be over 50% Women owned.  My H true colors started showing and I ended up divorcing.  I got pregnant by accident during that time so stayed home awhile while she was a baby.  The business lost money so my mom put money in and somehow made it stock which made her principal owner.  She took over.

[Certain Hope]

Kelly,

I know what it's like to be convinced that I cannot think for myself or choose for myself... or even try anything for myself... to feel completely dependent on the person I've viewed as the powerful one.

Maybe the spectacle is the hook... the trappings of success... the lie that enough money and a fancy enough "show" will bring peace and happiness...

It was only natural for you to buy into it back then... to get a college education... to live the "American Dream"...

but now is now, right? What are your own, real dreams for the now?

[Certain Hope]

Just read your last post, Kelly.

Ouch.

Deep down, do you feel like you owe your mom?

[Overcomer]

But she never learned the business.  She phoned anybody and everybody to tell her of her former career.  She succeeded in impressing enough of them that they started asking her to be on boards and committees etc.  We won an award 3 Years into it and when we got the award she was called out as THE owner and she went on stage alone.  That was the first time I got angry.  I had always been able to handle most anything-then I realized that I knew more than she did but she took the credit. Rage!!

[Leah]

deleted

[Hermes]

Dear Leah:

I read your post, (re the will and stuff), and I am just overcome with the utter nerve of this man.  Leah, this is something out of a movie, not real life.

I think of some of us, all of us, got to writing a script, we would make a fortune (of course, no one would believe it, they would think it is fiction).

All the best
Hermes

[Leah]

Dear Leah:

I read your post, (re the will and stuff), and I am just overcome with the utter nerve of this man.  Leah, this is something out of a movie, not real life.

I think of some of us, all of us, got to writing a script, we would make a fortune (of course, no one would believe it, they would think it is fiction).

All the best
Hermes

Dear Hermes,

Again, I was just about to delete it.  I posted it in the New Year, and then deleted it.  As it begs belief, for anyone, in this day and age.

However, it is perfectly true.  With all honesty, I don't have angry feelings, however, I confess, that I was incensed when he told me.

It has a double bind --- as it is the only way he can WORK on getting me back into his RCism.   Or so he mistakenly thought.  No-one will.

Thank you for believing me, and validating me.

Leah

[Hermes]

Dear Leah:

I believe you totally.  Because I know of cases where this sort of thing goes on. 
No doubt about it.  Truth is stranger than fiction. 

There are some very strange people in the world, Leah.  LOL.

But you know what is even odder?  "They" think that we are the ones out of step, and that we should consider their outlandish behaviour as perfectly normal.  In some aspects, it is quite fascinating.

All the best
Hermes

[Leah]

But you know what is even odder?  "They" think that we are the ones out of step, and that we should consider their outlandish behaviour as perfectly normal.  In some aspects, it is quite fascinating.

Dear Hermes,

That is how I choose to view the situation.  Mark it down as yet another fascinating aspect of their thought patterns and behaviour.

Love,
Leah

[Hermes]

I just wanted to add that there is very little that can surprise me, and I do BELIEVE that these utterly outlandish situations actually take place.  Before meeting and marrying exNH I might not have believeed a lot of things.  Now I DO!

A quick story (I don't think this woman will ever be on this board so I can tell this story).

She lives a bit away from me, is a friend or rather an acquaintance.  

Married young, six children, husband left her for A MAN. (yes you are all reading correctly!) .  Left her high and dry, literally.  Judge could not get any maintenance out of him as he was a man of straw, unemployed (supposedly).  So, talk of the frying pan and the fire, she gets involved with her brother in law (yes, her husband's brother), they live together.  He is equally abusive.  An example: he tears out all the clothes, children's clothes etc. from the airing cupboard, throws them on the landing and on the stairs, and then tramples on them, telling her she is "untidy_".  This is just one of many many incidents.
I had not seen her for a while, till recently, and she calls to tell me she is pregnant (sheis in her forties), by her brother in law.  Yes!
Why has she done this?  I know, even if she does not tell me. It is to secure the house in which she lives with b-in-l.  Because he was going to put her out, even though she contributed to mortgage payments, furniture etc.  So having a child with him, means he cannot put her out, and the house will be eventually for the child.  Extraordinary.  Could I also mention she has lymphoma.  Serious.  Yes!!  Very.

All the best
Hermes

[Hermes]

I forgot to mention.  The local priest (RC) came up to see her, to tell her it was not a good example her living with her b-in-l. 
The priest has not been back since, given that she asked him would he like to help her with the maintenance of her six children LOL.

Hermes

[Leah]

Fascinating is a polite word for what it is. The two words I had in mind were a bit shorter, I must admit...but one did start with an F.

Leah, I completely believe you, and completely understand how incensed you were. To have someone try to contol you from the grave is infuriating. I also have to say that I was not really that shocked. That lack of surprise has nothing to do with your situation, but with the overall weirdness and chaos and drama created by the PD'd people in my life that I had assumed was normal until I started to heal.

As we were talking about in a thread a few weeks back, it's hard to talk about these things with people who haven't experienced it. But I think other adult children do understand.

(((Leah)))

Thank you (((( Lollie ))))

There is no-one of whom I can share this account of my NFather.  How would understand?  It is so degrading and embarrassing, also.

My NFather has been a clever business man.  He is a very cunning man, also, a real life wolf in sheep's clothing, honestly. 

That's how I saw it, as the ultimate control and manipulation, from the grave.  In truth, I was stunned at first, and speechless.

Him sending xmas cards and bday cards to a dog, and not to my son, his first grandchild, speaks volumes.  Again, I am ashamed to call him father.

Love to you, Lollie

Leah

[Hermes]

Leah:  It is the kind of thing an alien might do, someone who has no idea of how normal things on earth are done.  Of course, they are aliens....

Hermes