Axa wrote
The thought of being tied to a 9-5 job fills me with huge anxiety. I am terrified of being stuck somewhere, as if I would not have a choice of leaving. Does anyone relate to this.
Why yes and I've lived it, too. But as I have been learning and you already suspect - that feeling of desperation is not what it appears to be on the surface but is about other things. I was stuck in a job for 10 years and I am still stuck in the same job description, but not the same company. It's led to so much learning and yet I still have days when I want to run screaming. The discipline to stay, I find very hard. And yet to stay, it is also about fear of going. And yet look, I have stayed for 15 years. I feel all complicated about it, and yet I have suspected for a long time that it is really very simple, but I haven't learned yet - and tip to other posters - don't try to explain my ignorance and the solution to me - I am also touchy about it.
On the whole however, there are so many good things about work, even in a 9 to 5 environment. For one thing, it reminds me that you have also been thinking about the meaning and role of self-discipline is in your life. Doing the 9 to 5 is a practice and definitely cultivates self-discipline, and not in an odious or onerous way. And yes we are free to stay or go but out feelings of not being free (and I regularly feel that way) are, well, opportunities for growth, alas. But I suspect you will conquer those fears easily since you already have various work and life experiences under your belt.
It also builds practical confidence in the ability to survive and thrive in this material world. It gives structure to days and the opportunity to learn new things and discover new skills in oneself. There's socializing which is always practice in social skills and living in our truth with integrity on the day to day. It gives us practice in managing, confronting and handling our own fears - though as I mentioned for me - fear is still the master in many ways. Bleah.
And there is always a spiritual aspect to work, practicing integrity of action while detaching from having expectations of the fruits of the actions - every day. And I was just remembering my 90's work life fondly the other day and thinking how much I enjoyed it even though I didn't even realize it at the time and there were many things about it that would not seem enjoyable at all. But as memories, it is lots of fun. So I'm glad I did it. And I wanted to rebel against it every single day. But then I am positive your future job will be much nicer than my past one.
This response is probably remiss in that I didn't bring up that there are huge parallels between my work life and my FOO role and issues - I bring that to my work life - this is probably the bottom line of the struggle. Not sure if it is relevant to what your are contemplating.
I am here to listen. I have lots of work and interview issues and areas of uuhh learning!
