Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
What bait does your N use?
Anonymous:
This thread has done me a lot of good actually even if it is old.
Of course, for years I thought something was wrong with me for I have been told all my life this everytime I did something for myself without asking permission first, first by mother, then x husband who was doing this to control my finances. I divorced him finally after waking up and that is finally history as of one year ago. But, right after that, I started traveling a bit in order to heal, something mother could not handle for she was not in control of me. So, she started again with the be-littling comments of old but this time I recognized them for what they are. But, it has been hard putting up the mirror shield, for I have never done this before with her. But it is getting easier to do so. And I am motivated beyond belief!!!!!!!
She is a master at passive manipulation. Keeps telling me when she feels insecure that there is something wrong with my thyroid, my weight, my faith, my choice of clothes, my house is not decorated right, etc. Just name it and there has been a comment. She says she tells me these things because she knows I would like to know when it is not right! LOL I have had thyroid tested even and it is working fine, thank you! My home is in shades of white, green and blue, which is nice, and my religion is rather on the mystical side of Christianity, something she cannot relate to at all. She holds money inheritance over our heads in very passive ways, for instance saying, "Inheritance is a priviledge not a right of birth so it is best not to stray far from the family fold." But the worst thing was that she went behind my back to my adult children for 1.5 years during the horrendous divorce without me knowing it trying to put a wedge between us. The entire time she was telling me that they were drifting from me...something she wanted to happen for my father had recently died and she was trying to "attach" to them in a N way. My x did this with our daughter, not our son, for the same reason. Son, bless him, would have no part of it and now slowly the daughter is seeing things for the truth in the situation.
Probably I have talked too long, but I simply needed to vent. Just spent a week with her while she recovered from a stroke and I am about done. I shall not be with her by myself again. Just not worth it.
Kris:
--- Quote from: flower --- Hi gardener,
Thanks for your comments! People have told me I should write a book on this and that. I really should put it all down someday. Thanks for the encouragement!
Hi Les,
I appreciate your description of "love" ala N style. Phew! You put it down in a very excellent way. It made me a little sick also kinda like it did Singer. I find your posts valuable. Thanks!
--- Quote ---There must be a book that deals with N mothers and these other twisted elements. Anybody know which one might deal with mothers consuming their children and calling it love?
--- End quote ---
Yeah, I wish there was an easy to read book out there that gave insight into all this. :idea: I'm sure many of you have read the book "Mommie Dearest". That came to mind as a book that fits that category although it is only from poor Crawford's daughter's point of view. That book was a doozy. One thing that got me was that at first Joan Crawford called her adopted baby daughter Joan Jr.
Hi MM,
--- Quote ---I'm not feeling much about it....no gnashing of the teeth so to speak. It's just information which I have to make a decision about. MM
--- End quote ---
I sometimes have your attitude i.e. just information that you need to deal with. Then she fills my head again somehow. Time to deprogram myself.... again.
My head will reset and my memories will start to fade of her abuse. No kidding. She had a lot of bait I fell for before I woke up. She baited me to get her supply of flattery, false attention, puffing up and then she would poke me and I would deflate. Over and over this happened. I feel like a dummy.
Hi Singer,
--- Quote ---"there I go again!" and cringe inside when I see my name on a post
--- End quote ---
I feel self-conscience to see myself up there on the board. I think I look selfish. But I think I was raised to feel selfish if I expressed myself. There were times that I argued as a child and my mom let me have my way, but not without saying, "But, you better think about it!" So I was trained to feel bad if I got my way. By the time I was into my teens, I gave up on butting my head against the N brickwall and became compliant and depressed.
--- End quote ---
Kris:
--- Quote from: Kris ---
--- Quote from: flower --- Hi gardener,
Thanks for your comments! People have told me I should write a book on this and that. I really should put it all down someday. Thanks for the encouragement!
Hi Les,
I appreciate your description of "love" ala N style. Phew! You put it down in a very excellent way. It made me a little sick also kinda like it did Singer. I find your posts valuable. Thanks!
--- Quote ---There must be a book that deals with N mothers and these other twisted elements. Anybody know which one might deal with mothers consuming their children and calling it love?
--- End quote ---
[/b]
Hi,
There is a great book called "Children of Self-Absorbed Parents-Nism" that helped me. It helps expain the normal reaction of a child or an adult to this disfunctional behavior. The best info I got from it is that if you feel like your going crazy because of the ambiguous behavior, then your normal. Only N's and unhealthy people are not bothered by other N's. Whew!!!!
Yeah, I wish there was an easy to read book out there that gave insight into all this. :idea: I'm sure many of you have read the book "Mommie Dearest". That came to mind as a book that fits that category although it is only from poor Crawford's daughter's point of view. That book was a doozy. One thing that got me was that at first Joan Crawford called her adopted baby daughter Joan Jr.
Hi MM,
--- Quote ---I'm not feeling much about it....no gnashing of the teeth so to speak. It's just information which I have to make a decision about. MM
--- End quote ---
I sometimes have your attitude i.e. just information that you need to deal with. Then she fills my head again somehow. Time to deprogram myself.... again.
My head will reset and my memories will start to fade of her abuse. No kidding. She had a lot of bait I fell for before I woke up. She baited me to get her supply of flattery, false attention, puffing up and then she would poke me and I would deflate. Over and over this happened. I feel like a dummy.
Hi Singer,
--- Quote ---"there I go again!" and cringe inside when I see my name on a post
--- End quote ---
I feel self-conscience to see myself up there on the board. I think I look selfish. But I think I was raised to feel selfish if I expressed myself. There were times that I argued as a child and my mom let me have my way, but not without saying, "But, you better think about it!" So I was trained to feel bad if I got my way. By the time I was into my teens, I gave up on butting my head against the N brickwall and became compliant and depressed.
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Kris ---
--- Quote from: Kris ---
--- Quote from: flower --- Hi gardener,
Thanks for your comments! People have told me I should write a book on this and that. I really should put it all down someday. Thanks for the encouragement!
Hi Les,
I appreciate your description of "love" ala N style. Phew! You put it down in a very excellent way. It made me a little sick also kinda like it did Singer. I find your posts valuable. Thanks!
--- Quote ---There must be a book that deals with N mothers and these other twisted elements. Anybody know which one might deal with mothers consuming their children and calling it love?
--- End quote ---
[/b]
Hi,
There is a great book called "Children of Self-Absorbed Parents-Nism" that helped me. It helps expain the normal reaction of a child or an adult to this disfunctional behavior. The best info I got from it is that if you feel like your going crazy because of the ambiguous behavior, then your normal. Only N's and unhealthy people are not bothered by other N's. Whew!!!!
Kris
Yeah, I wish there was an easy to read book out there that gave insight into all this. :idea: I'm sure many of you have read the book "Mommie Dearest". That came to mind as a book that fits that category although it is only from poor Crawford's daughter's point of view. That book was a doozy. One thing that got me was that at first Joan Crawford called her adopted baby daughter Joan Jr.
Hi MM,
--- Quote ---I'm not feeling much about it....no gnashing of the teeth so to speak. It's just information which I have to make a decision about. MM
--- End quote ---
I sometimes have your attitude i.e. just information that you need to deal with. Then she fills my head again somehow. Time to deprogram myself.... again.
My head will reset and my memories will start to fade of her abuse. No kidding. She had a lot of bait I fell for before I woke up. She baited me to get her supply of flattery, false attention, puffing up and then she would poke me and I would deflate. Over and over this happened. I feel like a dummy.
Hi Singer,
--- Quote ---"there I go again!" and cringe inside when I see my name on a post
--- End quote ---
I feel self-conscience to see myself up there on the board. I think I look selfish. But I think I was raised to feel selfish if I expressed myself. There were times that I argued as a child and my mom let me have my way, but not without saying, "But, you better think about it!" So I was trained to feel bad if I got my way. By the time I was into my teens, I gave up on butting my head against the N brickwall and became compliant and depressed.
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Anonymous ---
--- Quote from: Kris ---
--- Quote from: Kris ---
--- Quote from: flower --- Hi gardener,
Thanks for your comments! People have told me I should write a book on this and that. I really should put it all down someday. Thanks for the encouragement!
Hi Les,
I appreciate your description of "love" ala N style. Phew! You put it down in a very excellent way. It made me a little sick also kinda like it did Singer. I find your posts valuable. Thanks!
--- Quote ---There must be a book that deals with N mothers and these other twisted elements. Anybody know which one might deal with mothers consuming their children and calling it love?
--- End quote ---
[/b]
Hi,
There is a great book called "Children of Self-Absorbed Parents-Nism" that helped me. It helps expain the normal reaction of a child or an adult to this disfunctional behavior. The best info I got from it is that if you feel like your going crazy because of the ambiguous behavior, then your normal. Only N's and unhealthy people are not bothered by other N's. Whew!!!!
Kris
Yeah, I wish there was an easy to read book out there that gave insight into all this. :idea: I'm sure many of you have read the book "Mommie Dearest". That came to mind as a book that fits that category although it is only from poor Crawford's daughter's point of view. That book was a doozy. One thing that got me was that at first Joan Crawford called her adopted baby daughter Joan Jr.
Hi MM,
--- Quote ---I'm not feeling much about it....no gnashing of the teeth so to speak. It's just information which I have to make a decision about. MM
--- End quote ---
I sometimes have your attitude i.e. just information that you need to deal with. Then she fills my head again somehow. Time to deprogram myself.... again.
My head will reset and my memories will start to fade of her abuse. No kidding. She had a lot of bait I fell for before I woke up. She baited me to get her supply of flattery, false attention, puffing up and then she would poke me and I would deflate. Over and over this happened. I feel like a dummy.
Hi Singer,
--- Quote ---"there I go again!" and cringe inside when I see my name on a post
--- End quote ---
I feel self-conscience to see myself up there on the board. I think I look selfish. But I think I was raised to feel selfish if I expressed myself. There were times that I argued as a child and my mom let me have my way, but not without saying, "But, you better think about it!" So I was trained to feel bad if I got my way. By the time I was into my teens, I gave up on butting my head against the N brickwall and became compliant and depressed.
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
--- End quote ---
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