Friendships with `important' people?

[Bella_French]

.........

[write]

I'm afraid this is part of American culture and not exclusive to NPD!

I've lost time the number of butt-kissers I've watched, it's embarrassing to see some people who end a conversation when they realise the person can't do them any good or start one with someone they think can...it's even called 'networking' in some circles though I ( and none of my friends ) approve of someone who isn't being genuine.

Out of all the qualities I home in on these days it's that- genuineness.
Sycophants we can all do without!!!!

I couldn't be friends with anyone unless there was genuine warmth, it makes me feel sick to have falseness.

All the people I have known who have acted in the master- subject way over the years got cut down to size over time as people came to distrust and dislike them.

NPD people can be very utilitarian, it's not master-subject though, it's 'you're me now' or something like that....

~W

[write]

What are your thoughts on friendships with unimportant people; Do you think its possible, and if so,  can they be healthy friendships, or most likely to be a `drain of you, your time and resources' type of situation? By unimportant, I only mean that in the figurative sense, as i believe all humans are equal. By `unimportant' I mean, a person with a  much lower status than your own, holds an unimportant position career wise, and may indeed be poor even living below the poverty level.

I wonder if it's cultural to even ask that, because in england I had friends of all backgrounds, here I do too but my american friends think I'm strange for doing so.

I will say- it's hard to have friendships with people who have poor values, but the issues which have come up with uneducated friends or friends in poverty have either been easy to express my differing viewpoint ( on dropping litter was one time I remember ) or of my own making ( giving money to my friend )

I was a bit put out to help someone out with work a few weeks ago to find that when she got the opportunity to reciprocate she didn't; but frankly these are the things which relegate friendships to acquaintainces for me- happen a couple of times and I tend to back off.

My close friend it was my fault for getting over-involved with her family, even ex and son pointed it out, but I didn't want to listen. When she got opportunities to help me and didn't and when she got resentful when I ran out of money and couldn't help any more, I backed off. We're still friends but not as close.

In this case, i feel like a pest.

Actually, i feel exactly the same way I did  when I've met actors on a film set- like I was good fill in conversationalist, until someone more worthy came along.

I couldn't say that he was an N, but perhaps he just regarded us a good audience at the time?

it's hard to say, but again I wonder- we have had so many instances of what we thought were connections in America then they turned out to be just conversations or outings or parties. I don't remember that many misunderstandings in England, but people aren't so outgoing there or friendly as polite- in fact politeness there can seem quite rude to Americans.

I think there is a criteria-list for relationships with some superficial people, and if you don't satisfy every item on their list or you're not totally 'for them' you're out!

Maybe he's busy, I tend to use email as correspondence but some of my friends see it as a nuisance. I've been told a few times I write too much, I can type and think very fast in writing, and sometimes when I am manic I get carried away too...

Anyway- sorry you felt rejected. Just enjoy the special-ness he brought to the holiday, to everything a season ( or a week if someone's really fickle! )

~W

[Hermes]

Hello Bella:

I do not think this presents any problem, provided the "important" person (depends on what this means), is a decent, kind and good individual.  In fact some of the "important" people I know are not bitchy, envious, narrow-minded and plain silly like people I have met in what could be termed the less important echelons of society LOL.

 I have a few friends who are important people, and of course the friendships work.   Bella, you meet all kinds right across the social strata, regardless of whether the person is what is regarded as important or just an ordinary joe. 

All the best
Hermes

[Hermes]

Hello Write:

Yes, I have friends of all backgrounds too.  I do not see anything strange in that.  I am assuming you are English, living in the U.S.A. 
I have only been to the U.S. once, to Washington D.C. and had a most wonderful time there.  Of course on a short stay, (3 weeks) one can only gather general impressions.  I found people to be friendly and helpful.
I think that regardless of the culture, if people are kind and considerate, that for me is sufficient.

I have many English friends/acquaintances, indeed my long-time friend from way back is English, and she is a lot of fun.

All the best
Hermes

[write]

I suppose one way of looking at it is that  having a hobby can bring you closer to people who would not otherwise like you or see any value in you. They may not want to be your friend exactly, but it keeps the `social boundaries' more fluid within society. I find that thought comforting, in a way.

that is exactly right, it wouldn't work as a cultural phenomenon in England where people do not routinely want to join things or join in, but it's how it works here in the US.

Where are you writing from Hermes?

~W

[Ami]

Dear Bella
  What hit me was that he was comfortable when he was annoynomous. However, when you knew about his position, he pulled back. Maybe, he has had many people try to take advantage of him(I am not saying that YOU were in that group).Maybe, he is paranoid about befriending people b/c he HAS been taken advantage of in the past, b/c of his wealth.
  Just a thought. I could be wrong.       Love   Ami

[Hopalong]

I got a movie-star acquaintance whose sister is a close friend. I met the movie star and she told me her sister really needed a support group, so I invited her to one I was in (20 years ago).

What I noticed most as we got to know each other is how hard it is for people in their family to make friends, because there are so many social climbers desperate to know them (or more likely, to be seen with them). Once she began to trust me over time her appreciation and loyalty became very moving to me. I know it didn't come easily but we're friends for life. I never feel taken for granted.

Best part about the fame thing is we get to watch Academy DVDs she borrows from her sister before the movies come out!

When I was young, in this town, the social climbing around me disgusted me, and the community's racial & economic disparities were glaring but never mentioned, like an elephant in the living room. So I innoculated myself early against the belief that people are all that different. I don't swoon OR dislike powerful people. (Unless they happen to be current presidents...and it ain't swooning!)

love
Hops

[Hermes]

Hello Write:

I am writing from Ireland, land of the Celtic Tiger LOL. 

All the best
Hermes

[write]

I wasn't going to mention it, but yes my partner and i were sleeping with him. Do you think it would have influenced things?

that's it then! Don't you know that despite the cliches sex and birds do not mix; do not make that mistake again....at the zoo for example, and especially not the supermarket!

I was humiliated inside and I looked at my album from that summer and I realized all the waitresses were just photographs, of co-workers for 2 months, not friends.

I think we all have those pages Izzy, and I'm sure I'm in many persons' albums and they look at me ( thinner and not grey ) and say now who the hell was that....?

~W