Fear Of Anger

[Ami]

I am SO afraid of anger.. I see that I have been stuffing anger in to my  stomach(as well as many other emotions).
  If *I* am angry at s/one,  I will turn it around am afraid that THEY are angry   at me. Then,I get a stomach ache.
 This happened ,today, twice.
  The first time ,two people were  "intrusive"(not meaning to) and *I* felt angry. However,I turned it around,in my mind ,and was afraid that they were angry at me.
  Then,I had another incident when I thought s/one was angry at me for s/thing and I got a "double stomach ache" b/c of one anger piled on top of another(LOL)
  I really want to be comfortable with anger b/c it is a real and necessary emotion. We cannot be whole ,if we don't manage our anger. We will be skewed, somehow.
  Can anyone relate?                             Ami

[Ami]

Right now, I am having this huge fear of anger, fear of abandonment and fear of rejection------YIKES.                  Ami

[Gabben]

Hi monkey!!!

I am right there with you in anger -- I feel deeply ashamed for my angry feelings but mostly I feel as though at times I want to lash out....but I hold it in.

This is old anger Ami -- it is not new anger. You handle current situations well. I have never seen you lash out and I have never seen you act out -- you express and release and thank heavens that we have PM's, right!!

OH - how much I wish I could take a week off and come out your way and share in your grief with you.

When people are intrusive with me that is the absolute worst.....my mother was so intrusive. Yuck!

As you continue to heal your anger will transform - it will soften -- it is a process, you are full of progress.

(((((((AMI))))))))

Lise

[Ami]

Oh Lise,
  I am hurting so badly,now ,with old patterns of anger and feeling I am "bad" for having anger ,and feeling I have to punish myself for having anger-----bleh..                           Ami

[Gabben]

Oh Lise,
  I am hurting so badly,now ,with old patterns of anger and feeling I am "bad" for having anger ,and feeling I have to punish myself for having anger-----bleh..                           Ami

Yes, I know that, exactly -- the shame we feel for just having anger. It is OK to have anger, it is OK to just feel it and express it...people hurtful things to us, it is OK to not be perfect Ami, you are prefectly acceptable in all of your emotions.

You are human and you are OK to make mistakes...we all make them. Your anger is OK. You are OK -- you are more than OK, you are wonderful.

Love,
Lise

[Ami]

Oh Lise
  I hope that I can just face this pattern and let it go. It is so deep. I know YOU understand that,Lise. Thanks for your beautiful words.
                                Love   Ami